(sneaker squeaks and bottle pops open)
- Boo boop!
Hello!
Let's hope my dog doesn't eat that.
Caught in the act of kitchen.
You can do it...
Is this almost emp--?
It's inevitable, it's inedidible.
Welcome to My Drunk Kitchen.
This week on My Drunk Kitchen,
it's kind of a continuation from last week.
Last week we made a matcho gazpacho
and talked about toxic masculinity.
And how it's unfair to men to trap them
in this idea of what it means to be a man.
This week, I want to talk about the other side
of the gender binary as we make a pop tart.
Why a pop tart you may ask?
Because both the word "pop" and "tart"
are a euphemism for the word "slut."
And in researching pop tarts,
I found out that there were actually
20 euphemisms for the word slut.
Slut, whore, slag, skank, prostitute, tramp,
slapper, bitch, ho, tart, hooker, harlot,
pop, hussy, hoe with an e,
sex strumpet, pop tart, floozy, etc.
And how many did we find for the male equivalent?
Zero.
So, this week on My Drunk Kitchen
we're going to make a pop tart and
talk about why it's bad to slut shame.
Step one to making a pop tart
is making a bunch of dough.
Oh, no, it's drinking.
La-di-di ditty-bow
(whistling)
Mmmm
Alcohol tastes terrible.
♫ We got a green juice and some vodka!
Mmmm
Confusing.
The first step to making a pop tart
is actually to make some dough.
So I made some earlier.
♫ Sprinkle some flour on the top.
Take your dough, warm it into a ball,
divide it in half, flatten, blah blah blah blah.
Wow!
Just so you guys know,
the way you make pop tart dough
isn't the way you make regular dough.
The way you make pop tart dough
is just butter, Crisco, and flour,
and splash of ice water.
Think about that, I guess?
Think about that.
Flatten your dough!
(drumming on the dough to flatten)
What am I doing? Oh!
The next step blah blah blah
I'm sorry but this is a fuckin' essay.
This is a novel!
Wow!
Next, using a pizza cutter,
make your dough conform to what you believe
is the appropriate behavior for such dough as this.
Next, one egg.
(clears throat) I'm out of milk.
Hey, heads up, really quick.
There's a lot of steps I'm skipping,
only because I don't have multiple
forms of baking sheets.
Wisk!
Mmmmm
I just don't give a fork
about what other people do with their bodies.
It's not my body. It's their body.
They can do what they want.
(wisks) Great.
Next, mix brown sugar, cinnamon,
and flour in a separate bowl.
Flour.
♫ Guesstimation is the key to life.
Shhinamon.
You know, cinnamon helps you process sugar. Just saying.
♫ Brown sugar!
Ohhh yeah.
Mmmm I got some on my face.
It was a delightful reward.
(whistles)
Mix your dry ingredients like you may have
your own mixed feelings
about the topic or concept of slut shaming.
If you feel like,
"Woah, that girl's acting like a real slut,"
ask yourself, have you ever thought
if any of your male friends
are acting like a real slut?
Guys, I got to tell you,
as I'm making this and I'm trying to talk
about this topic, I'm feeling, like,
a little insecure, because, like, I can't imagine
calling any girl I know a slut.
I literally can't.
If somebody I know is having, like, a lot of sex,
and I think they're having a lot of sex
for, like, unhealthy reasons, I would be like,
"she's being self destructive" or like,
"this is a negative attention-getting device."
But I know that it happens,
'cause I watch Vanderpump Rules .
Moving right along! Mmmmm.
This looks like something they drink on Star Trek.
Uh oh, I have to make an egg wash.
God dammit pop tarts!
Brush egg wash.
Take your egg wash and wash it.
Normally when you do an egg wash,
you take like a brush
and then you brush over your other thing.
I don't have it, so I'm going to use my fingers.
A wash!
Now, take a scoop full of your
brown sugar confectionary delight
and place it in the center of each rectangle.
Or like I'm doing, just put it on top of this.
On Klingon, we drink ok-bok-begok.
Next, you're going to take your second disc of dough
and you're going to put it on top of this one,
with consent.
Okay dokay.
(pats the dough)
Perfect.
Put it on top of each one.
Just rub it out.
(laughs)
Now gently scrape the remaining dough from your hand
and place it on to your "pop tart."
Take your terrible pop tart disaster and put it in the oven.
Mmmm.
Ooo, what a perfect pop tart.
Pop tart!
Wow, is this a pop tart or is this pop't art?
Ow!
♫ You can speak your mind but do what you want with my--
♫ Scuba-do-bap bap-be do-de-do-dop.
Do you guys hear that?
That's the sound of pops tartin'.
♫ Here's your one chance fancy don't let me down.
Mmmm.
So you might be looking at this and thinking,
that doesn't look at all like a pop tart.
Guess what? The person you've been calling a pop
or a tart isn't actually a pop or a tart at all.
That's just somebody who is
empowered by their own sexuality.
And that's why we called this episode about that.
Too hot, put it in the freezer.
Okay guys, these are your finished product
of your pop tarts.
It might not look like what you classically think
a pop tart should look like,
but at the same time this pop tart
is doing exactly what it wants to.
Being very buttery and salty.
I don't think pop tarts are something
you can make without reading instructions.
Maybe next time you call some girl a slut,
you should take a chance and be like,
woah woah woah woah woah.
She's not a slut, she's just doing
what she wants, what she wants with her body.
But if she's being self-destructive,
just call her out on that.
Thank you so much for watching.
Click "Like" and leave a comment
in the comments below if you liked to do that.
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Muah, have a great day!