What are the two worst words that a nice guy can ever say?
Give up? The answer is "I'm sorry." Those two words are overused by every single nice guy that
has ever been on this Earth, including me. We like to apologize for anything and anything, we even
pretty much apologize for our own existence. And I bet you that one out of ten sorry's are ones that
you should actually use because you did something wrong. And nine out of ten are a complete waste
and you're just screaming I have low self-esteem. Habit number one, if you're saying "I'm sorry" too
much and you're doing it in a way to try to get people to like you, you're doing it all
wrong. Instead, you look weak. What else makes you look weak as a nice guy? Never taking the lead.
If you're always being a follower and being very passive and letting other people take
control - let's say, for example, in a conversation with a woman or let's say,
for example, making plans with a woman - if you're letting her lead and you're the one who's being
more passive, well then you're doing it all wrong because women want to be led and people want to
be around people who are leaders. But nice guys won't do that. You know why, because nice guys
are afraid of making mistakes. The habit that they put themselves in is always letting others make
decisions and do things for them without getting themselves in charge or in the process. Again,
always coming down to the idea of fear, fear of people not liking you because nice guys would
totally crumble if they found out a person didn't like them. They do all these habits to
try to avoid it, like number three, saying yes to everything. Nice guys are great at that. I
loved to say yes to everything and whatever someone had to offer okay yes, yes we'll do this,
yes we'll do that, yes I'll do this favor for you. You always say yes. Now listen,
of course at times it's good to be a yes man but it's not good to be a yes man when there's
actually something you don't want to do but you're just going along with it because, why,
you don't want to cause any stir because causing stir for the nice guy is going to be causing
problems and we don't want to cause any problems because problems mean people don't like you and
when they don't like you then you're in trouble, at least that's what the nice guy is thinking,
so he says yes to everything and he doesn't have the ability to say no or stick up for himself in
any way whatsoever. If these are sounding familiar wait till we get to the last few because you need
to break them. Not allowing time to think before you act. A lot of nice guys will be very reactive
very quickly. They won't give themselves a minute to think, they won't give themselves a day or a
week to think maybe on a decision. They're very quick to say yes, they're very quick to say I'm
sorry, they're very quick to react in any way whatsoever so that they don't cause the stir. The
habit that these guys are in is all about reacting emotionally very fast. It's good to take a minute
absorb what's happening and react later in a more logical way instead of allowing your emotions to
take over. This allows you to be a more stoic version of yourself than just reacting so quick
when anything is going on, and it allows you to make better decisions. For example, let's say your
friend goes hey man uh Friday night let's go to this movie, let's do this thing and then you just
go okay yeah sounds good. But little did you know you had something else going on that day, or you
don't want to see that movie or you don't want to do that activity. You just reacted really quickly
to it and now you're stuck in a position that a nice guy never wants to be in because now he has
to let somebody down. Which brings me to the next one which is backing away from tense conversations
or any kind of argument. It is inevitable that if you're in a relationship or you have a friendship,
something going on with another human, there's going to be arguments, there's going to be tense
situations. You're gonna have to speak your opinion and if that doesn't happen and you wait
too long and you just play nice guy to avoid any sort of tense situation and speaking your opinion
eventually you're gonna have to come out with whatever your opinion is or whatever the fight
is about and eventually you're going to be just exploding it all because you've been holding it in
for so long. Instead of waiting for this massive earthquake to happen, if there's something that's
bothering you, if you're upset about something, there's something you want to bring up to a friend
to a girl whatever it is, you should be bringing it up if it needs to be brought up. Otherwise
backing away from the conversation is just going to hurt you more. And then there's doing favors
for people. The yes man the nice guy he's always doing favors for people because it's like this
currency. If he does favors for people well then they're gonna like him. But little did you know
there's actually the opposite that works. It's called the Benjamin Franklin Effect and it's a
cognitive bias which means that if you ask someone to do something for you as a favor they tend to
like you more. Isn't that funny that nice guys think getting a bunch of favors done for other
people is going to like them but really asking someone for a favor gets them to like them. Saying
yes to all these favors or trying to do favors for people is not the way to get them to like you. Now
it's not also just asking a bunch of people for favors as well, you should just be a valuable
person in the relationship. Next is what's called covert contracts - this is talked about in Robert
Glover's book No More Mr Nice Guy. You as a nice guy are doing all these nice things, everything
that I have been mentioning here, you're tallying it up in your head. You've created what's called
a covert contract where there's no actual talk about anything. It's all in your head tallying
up all the nice things you're doing for someone in the hopes that they will agree to this covert
contract and start treating you really well, or maybe the girl will start liking you and becoming
attracted to you or want to be with you. It's a contract that you've made up because you've done
all these things in hopes that someone is going to like you back, when really it's all in your
head. And you're going to be very disappointed when you don't get anything in return. You see,
there's a reason why women are not attracted to nice guys. I'll give you a hint, it has to
do with it showing a weakness. I talk more about this in a YouTube video I put out called Why Women
Are Not Attracted To Nice Guys. Watch that video learn why when women don't like this so you can
fix it once and for all. And if you find yourself being a nice guy all the time and you want to fix
this and you want to make sure that you get it handled you can always work with a one-on-one
coach over here at TrippAdviceCoaching.com where we can teach you the ways for you to be a leader
and not a guy who's just saying yes and doing favors for people all the time in order to get
them to like them, or I should say like you. Check out TrippAdviceCoaching.com to learn
more about getting you a one-on-one coach to fix this once and for all.