Well in the 30 years I was on the department, this this ended up being the
big one. It just filled me up overwhelmed me.
Ward Redwood is a captain with the Grand Prairie Fire Department. Post-traumatic
stress disorder nearly cost him a 30-year career. That's why he's decided
to tell his story starting with the night of the crash. It was a sight
pulling on scene there was a truck upside down in the middle of the
road and it was running and it's a diesel truck so it's sitting there
running and just adds to things. The pickup had collided with the car sending
it into the ditch two teenagers were dead. A third boy was seriously injured
in the passenger seat. There was no sign of the pickup driver. Redwood was using
a thermal imaging camera to search the scene. As I'm moving it a white image
appears on this on the camera and it was just like I still remembered it was this
like this whole adrenalin thing went through me and it was just like my brain
said that's a deer but I knew it was another boy. Redwood ran to the boy's
body lying in the brush off the road but found no pulse. I know I'm I'm worked up
adrenaline's just pumping through me I'm and I know that I still got a job to do
right I found one. I'm like I got to keep looking and it was within three four
seconds I got another white signature on that on the camera.
Four boys, two 15-year olds and two 16-year olds died in that crash on October
22, 2011. Grand Prairie rallied behind the family and friends of the teens but
Redwood tried to navigate the aftermath alone. Back in the day that's all we did
is with any trauma event like that is this pushed it down tucked it away
didn't think about it didn't talk about it. His marriage fell apart after the
crash. He became a single dad. Life moved quickly in the crash faded to the
background. That is until a nightmare brought it roaring back five years later.
The nightmare was wicked. It was really threw me.
It was like these two boys faces looking up at me from from down below and I was
leaning over them and I had my flashlight. Kind of felt like something
was wrong but couldn't put a finger on it. After the nightmare he froze up twice
on the job while using the thermal imaging camera. It felt like he was
caught in quicksand a psychologist told him it was workplace stress and too much
coffee but things only got worse from there.
Sleepless nights short attention span, memory problems. I was treading water a
little bit you know. I wasn't really doing a good front crawl. Someone might
get up and go gone. My enjoyment of things was starting to disappear a
little bit. Redwood finally got a PTSD diagnosis and soon after the therapist
said he was going to have to tackle the big one. I know what the big one is. I
just don't want to deal with it right. Any stress response there when you're
pointing the camera? Therapist Steve Buckle in Grand Prairie used prolonged
exposure therapy. Redwood told the story of the crash over and over again. At
times holding the camera he used to find the bodies. Take the tech camera and
go up to Fargo and command. The therapy was grueling recording the sessions and
listening back to them. He was warned his symptoms would get worse before they got
better and they did. That part had concerned me for quite some time is you
know a big one right the feeling and love had totally gone away and I had no
feeling of love for quite some time like years. On the seventh anniversary of the
crash another nightmare except this time instead of the two boys,
it's his two daughters looking up at him. And this one throws a switch in there.
That one's a hard one to tell anybody about. Certainly can't tell
my girls but I suck it up and I get back in there and we start getting at it and
you know things just started to get better and they didn't get worse. A few
sessions later with Buckle from the layers of his subconscious he unearthed
a new memory from the night of the crash. I get up to go and grab the medic and
and then I'm like whoa. I'm like low Steve. Steve I said I throws up and he's
like what I said I froze up on scene and the memory came back to me that I had
froze up that same feeling that quicksand feeling I had actually did it
on scene and I'd repressed it. I didn't even know I didn't had no memory of it
whatsoever and it all of a sudden came back. I was having a little trouble and I
went and got some help. He could feel a change in himself he was going back to
the fire hall to have coffee with the crew. But he knew things had really turned a
corner when he dropped his youngest daughter off at her mom's just two weeks
later. Go to give her a hug before I leave and
I have this full-on feeling of love for her which I haven't had for years. Right
it freaked me out and it was like, I didn't say anything to her
because she didn't know that I didn't have it. I never told them that I didn't
have it. Redwood went back to the fire hall
part-time but he had a choice to make. Return to full service at the risk of
more trauma or retire on his own terms. I'm happy. I'm healthy. I'm really enjoying
life. To me it was just time and hopefully we're smarter in the future
and look after ourselves better. I know we do. His last official day as a
firefighter was on November 20 but he hopes his story will be an example
for all first responders especially the thousands struggling with PTSD. It was
emotionally draining and it was physically draining was every part of me
hurts sometimes coming out of those but it gets better.
You just got put in that hard work I hope they hear that and ask for help.