[music playing]
Well, hello.
Welcome to CP Time, the only show that's for the culture.
Today, we'll be discussing the history of Black governors.
And I know when you think of governors,
you think of old, white men in big mansions
with the top hat and that weird monocle.
Just wear some glasses, Governor.
You can afford the frames.
But, in fact, America has a history
of unknown but meaningful Black governors,
like PBS Pinchback, America's first Black governor
and the only politician in US history
brought to you by viewers like you.
Pinchback was born in Georgia to a Black slave mother
and a white plantation owner, who emancipated
his baby mama, which would have made for one
hell of a Maury episode.
During his life, Pinchback, who could pass as a white man
of Latin descent, leaned into his Blackness, something that
is known today as Drakeing.
Pinchback got involved in politics
and rose to the third highest office in the state
of Louisiana, which is pro tem of the Senate, not,
as some people believe, the football coach of LSU.
Then in 1872, after the lieutenant governor
died, and the governor was impeached,
Pinchback became governor.
Because sometimes the best way for Black people to take power
is to just wait for somebody else to die.
[clears throat] Kamala.
Pinchback would unfortunately only
hold the office for 35 days.
But during that brief stint, he enacted
10 laws, proving it's not about how long you last, fellas.
It's about how efficient you are when you in there!
And don't let anybody tell you otherwise,
which brings us to our sponsor, gas station
sexual enhancement pills.
I don't know how they work.
I don't know what's in them.
But I do know they make my chest hurt.
After PBS Pinchback's governorship,
America would not see another Black
person serve in that role for over 100 years.
That man would be Douglas Wilder.
Wilder grew up in the segregated South of the 1930s.
During his time at Virginia's Union University,
he experienced so much racism working at a diner,
he considered poisoning white people's
salads, which may sound harsh.
But if you order a salad at a diner,
you deserve to be poisoned.
After graduating, Wilder was drafted into the army
and served in the Korean War.
He would go on to win the Bronze Star for his heroism
during the Battle of Pork Chop Hill.
Now Pork Chop Hill, that's what you want
to order at a diner, a whole big pile of pork chops
sauteed in butter and garlic, and there's just the gravy--
delicious.
Wilder returned to Virginia and got into politics.
After serving in the Virginia Senate, in 1989,
he became the first Black person ever
elected governor of Virginia.
And he owed it all to his campaign slogan--
don't make me poison your salads.
Moving on, our next Black governor is Deval Patrick.
Patrick was raised by a single mother on Chicago's South Side
after his father, a jazz musician, left his family.
Because everybody knows that jazz is all about the kids
you don't raise.
After graduating from Harvard Law School,
Deval spent the early '80s working as a lawyer
for the NAACP.
During that time, he sued then Arkansas Governor Bill Clinton
and impressed him so much during the case,
Clinton later hired him, which I get.
You ever get your ass beat by somebody playing
pickup basketball so bad, you be like, yo,
you got to be on my team?
And then he hates playing with you because you've got
a busted knee and a bad heart.
And you won't stop slapping people's asses because that's
what we did back in the day.
It was nothing sexual about that, Carl!
Call me back, Carl.
Let's ball.
Anyway, after serving in President Clinton's Justice
Department, Deval spent some time
working in the private sector before returning to politics.
And in 2006, Deval became the first Black governor
of Massachusetts, succeeding the whitest governor
of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney.
It was like going from watching Frasier to the BET Awards.
It's jarring.
Moving on to our final governor, David Paterson,
who was not only New York's first Black governor, but also
the first blind governor in American history.
He was like a political Stevie Wonder
if you're one of those people who actually believe
that Stevie Wonder's blind.
I know you can see, Stevie.
I was at the concert in '78, and you
turned and ran from me.
I want my money, mother-mother-[bleep]..
In 2008, then Lieutenant Governor Paterson
took over the governorship from Eliot Spitzer
after Spitzer was disgraced from having numerous affairs
with high-end escorts.
But once Paterson took office, he
proved that Black governors could
also be plagued with scandals.
A previous affair with a coworker came to light.
He was accused of giving Jay-Z a sweetheart investment deal.
He was fined for unlawfully accepting
Yankees World Series tickets.
All in all, he was having a pretty good time as governor.
But that's all the Black governors
we have time to discuss today.
The-- there are no more Black governors?
That was all the Black governors?
Damn.
Black people have produced less governors
than Predator movies.
That tells me two things--
one, America must do better, and, two, I
need to watch Predator again.
That was a damn good movie.
This has been CP Time.
And, remember, we're for the culture.
[music playing]
Gas station six pill kicking in.
Jimmy, bring me my defibrillator.
[cheering]