How To Identify A Narcissist
Have you ever met someone who was just a little too full of themselves?
Confidence is one thing, but as it turns out, holding yourself in too high of a regard can
potentially be harmful to both yourself as well as your friends and family.
It may also be a potential warning sign which could indicate a major personality disorder.
Today, we here at Bestie would like to discuss how to identify the signs related to narcissism,
as well as potential ways to help someone who might be struggling with this condition.
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According to Psychology Today, as well as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders, there are several potential symptoms linked to the mental condition known as Narcissistic
Personality Disorder, or NPD.
These symptoms typically manifest by early adulthood, and like any affliction that affects
mental health, can manifest in anyone regardless of background or context.
A person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder commonly experiences a grandiose or inflated
sense of self-importance.
As a result, people affected by NPD often demonstrate arrogant or self-centered behaviour;
believing themselves to be special and therefore entitled to preferential treatment.
In addition to an inflated ego, people affected by NPD also commonly display a distinct lack
of empathy towards others, which can often lead them to exploit others for personal gain
without a second thought.
Because of their arrogant attitudes, people with NPD are also not particularly receptive
to constructive criticism, and can often react angrily to anyone who makes an attempt to
shatter their perfect self-image.
However, in some cases, individuals with NPD may also respond to criticism more graciously,
or at the very least pretend to.
While psychologists have yet to pin down a common cause that makes people into narcissists,
researchers have noticed a correlation between Narcissistic Personality Disorder and other
mental health illnesses such as mood and anxiety disorders, as well as an increased chance
of substance abuse.
Additionally, people with NPD may also be more susceptible to impulsive behaviour and
increased feelings of shame, as well.
As you might imagine, the symptoms and traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be
highly damaging, both to the narcissists themselves as well as to their relationships with others.
However, like any condition which affects one’s mental health, the first step in helping
someone who struggles with NPD is to try and gain a better understanding and insight into
what living with the disorder is really like.
In his book A Therapist’s Guide to Personality to the Personality Disorders: The Masterson
Approach, psychiatrist J.F. Masterson identified three distinct types of narcissism: the first
one mentioned is the “Exhibitionist Narcissist”; this is the most commonly recognized type
of narcissist and is known for the grandiose symptoms and behaviour we’ve already mentioned.
The second type identified by Masterson is the “Closet Narcissist”; also known as
the “Introverted Narcissist”, this type of narcissism instead appears as shy, humble
or anxious behaviour.
This, according to Masterson, is because in this case “[the narcissist’s] emotional
investment is in the idealized other, which is indirectly gratifying”.
The third type of narcissist identified the Masterson is the “Malignant Narcissist”;
as the name implies, people affected by this type of narcissism can be especially hostile,
especially when they feel as though their personal interests are being threatened.
As you can see, while we usually think of narcissists of being in a constant state of
arrogance and self-importance, that might not always be the case.
While working with a number of clients suffering from varying forms of NPD, a psychoanalyst
by the name of Heinz Kohut observed that many of the narcissists he worked with frequently
struggled with feelings of alienation, powerlessness, and a lack of purpose or meaning.
In fact, Kohut’s research indicates that narcissists may actually tend to fluctuate
wildly between feelings of superiority and inferiority, with the narcissist’s behaviour
and mindset being affected by whichever of these two moods they’re currently going
through.
For example, a narcissist feeling inferiority and shame might lead them to have an idealized
view of other people around them, while a narcissist currently experiencing feelings
of superiority would suppress that shame by projecting their flaws onto others instead.
Most narcissists bounce back and forth between these two moods; however, in some cases, a
person with NPD might instead be more or less “locked in” to one state of mind or the
other, leading to more pathological behaviour.
As we mentioned, Narcissistic Personality Disorder isn’t just harmful to the narcissist
in question; it can also potentially have an effect on the relationships the narcissist
has with other people.
In her article “Understanding the Mind of a Narcissist”, codependency expert Darlene
Lancer outlines what someone in a relationship with a narcissist can expect.
According to Lancer, narcissists may come to view romantic partners as “extensions
of themselves”, demanding constant praise and validation from the person they’re dating
in order to maintain the image the self-image they’ve constructed.
Lancer also states that many narcissists are also perfectionists, and as such may also
set unrealistic expectations for a partner or spouse, only to be upset or dismissive
when their partner fails to meet those standards.
Narcissists use manipulation and guilt to get what they want from the people they’re
close to, and in most cases won’t even show proper gratitude when their wants and needs
are actually met.
As a result, Lancer states that people in relationships with narcissists will often
feel drained by the constant and thankless demands from their partner, and will often
start to experience self-doubt and a lack of confidence as a result.
You might start to feel as though you’re constantly walking on eggshells, having to
stay extra careful to avoid saying or doing anything that could potentially upset your
narcissistic partner, which will only serve to continue enabling their self-absorbed behaviour.
When a person struggling with NPD is allowed to have complete control over their relationship,
this leads to a toxic and unbalanced situation in which nobody benefits.
So what can be done to help a narcissist overcome their problems with self-importance and self-image?
Well, as with most conditions which have a negative impact on one’s mental health,
the best course of action is to seek outside help from a trained professional; according
to Psychology Today, psychotherapy may be one useful way to help a person with NPD develop
a better sense of empathy and relate to others in a way that is healthier and more compassionate.
Of course, convincing a person with NPD to seek professional help is easier said than
done; as we mentioned, narcissists are highly defensive and tend to respond poorly to criticism,
constructive or otherwise; as a result, very few narcissists are willing to openly admit
that they’re in need of help or treatment.
Author and social worker Robert Taibbi also puts forth the suggestion that not all aspects
of narcissism are inherently toxic; in his article on what he describes as “Healthy
Narcissism”, Taibbi outlines the ways in which a narcissist can potentially guide their
tendencies in ways that avoid bringing harm or unneeded stress to themselves or others:
the article advises that narcissists should try to worry less about what others think
of them, take things less personally, truly enjoy the company of others as more than just
an ego boost, and take responsibility of their actions.
Do you have any experiences with narcissists or narcissism that you feel comfortable sharing
with an online community?
Maybe you’re even struggling with NPD yourself, and you have some first-hand insight you can
offer on what living with the disorder is really like.
Bestie values your input and feedback, so we encourage you to leave a comment below
to help us keep the conversation going.
Have a good day, and remember to be excellent to each other.