*Theme Tune*
Sung: X-Ray And Vav
*Sirens*
*Crickets*
*Tense Music*
X-Ray: We have one shot at this Vav
Don't blow it
Vav: Right.
X-Ray: I'd be sooo nervous if I were you.
*whispers* So much pressure...
Vav: X-Ray please! I need absolute silence.
Just a little...
...bit...
...more...
Come on!
*Tense Music subsides. Crickets*
Vav: Yes!
Got it!
X-Ray: Well, that wasn't so-
*Angry cat noises*
Small Girl: Tiddley Winks!
You're safe!
*Cheerful Music*
X-Ray: You're welcome *breath* citizen
Vav: I- I think my spine is twisted...
X-Ray: Well, that went horribly
I'm done for the night
Vav: She got her kitty
I'd say justice was served X-Ray
X-Ray: Are you serious?
We looked like a couple of morons back there!
Vav: No X-Ray! Respect your uniform.
It's your symbol of justice!
Male Passerby: Ha! Look at these two morons!
Female Passerby: Walk faster
Before they ask for money
Vav: *sad* Oh...
X-Ray: Dude, we're not gonna make headlines
by rescuing kittens from trees every night.
We need to show everyone what badasses we are.
Vav: You watch too many action movies
Being a superhero isn't about keys to the city
and publicity
The reward comes from helping others.
Female: Hey! That's my purse!
Vav: *Gasp* A crime!
He has that woman's purse!
X-Ray: And my ladder!
*Villainous (but slightly squeaky) Chuckle*
Vav: Let's do this X-Ray!
X-Ray: Time to transform!
Both: X-RAY AND VAAAAV!
Vav: Alright, let's -
X-Ray: THIIIIEEEF!!!
HALT!
Vav: X-Ray wait!
We should pursue him in a co-operative
and organized manner.
X-Ray: There's no time!
That ladder was a rental!
Vav: I've prepared some plans of action
we can execute in situations such as this.
Now, I suggest we go with plan A, 42B,
version six
You find the helicopter,
I'll get the squid-
X-Ray: Vav! We don't have time
for your stupid plans!
Vav: They're not stupid!
You're too stupid to understand them!
X-Ray: Maybe I am!
But sometimes you just gotta do something stupid
to get results.
Vav: That's what you said about the apartment fire
but guess what!
I was right!
Gasoline made the fire worse!
*Tires Screech*
*Crash*
X-Ray: Oh! Look at that!
*whispers* Justice...
Vav: Would have been cooler
if we'd used the squid...
X-Ray: Yoink!
Purse retrieved!
Female: Drop it, freak!
*Electronic/Plasma noises*
*Noises of pain from X-Ray*
X-Ray: Ayyyy
Ohhh
Ahhhhh
Ayyyy
Ahhhhhh
Ohh
Ow.
You're welcome, citizen...
Vav: Are you alright ma'am?
*Electronic/Plasma Noises*
X-Ray: Yup, don't worry about your friend
just third degree burns
all over my body.
Female: Woah, back off weirdo
Unless you want to end up fried like your friend here.
Vav: We're here to help you!
We're superheroes!
Female: *Unimpressed* Superheroes?
*Even more unimpressed* Really?
X-Ray: Excuse us for trying to help you!
Female: Yeah well you did a great job
Is your power summoning cars to run people over?
Thank you very much car.
*Beep Beep*
X-Ray: I didn't see you trying to stop him!
Female: Maybe you missed the part where
I pulled out this giant taser?
I could have handled it.
Or do you need me to demonstrate that again?
*Power Up*
X-Ray: I'll demonstrate 'Your Mom'
Vav: You guys, please!
Justice has been served!
That's all that matters.
X-Ray: She started it.
I was just defending myself
Female: *scoffs* Whatever.
Vav: Is there anything else we can do for you?
Miss?
Female: Hilda
X-Ray: Psshh.
That's a stupid name
Hilda: Oh yeah?
And who are you two supposed to be?
Vav: Glad you asked
We are the Protectors of Justice
X-Ray: The Crushers of Crime
Vav: The hope for all those in need!
X-Ray: The two incredibly handsome
super cool guys!
Both: X-RAY AND VAAAAV!
*Crickets*
Hilda: What kind
of stupid names
are those?
X-Ray: She's right Vav,
your name is pretty stupid.
Hilda: You're not even covering your faces
I can see who both of you are!
What do you guys even do?
Vav: Well, uh... I'm British
That usually throws people for a loop
I guess...
X-Ray: And I'm a Parkour master
*CRASH*
*More crashing*
*Angry cat noises*
X-Ray: Impressive right?
*Classic cartoon violin squeak*
Hilda: *Unimpressed* I can hardly contain myself
Well, you two leotarded losers have fun
trying to make the world a better place
Old Betsy and I got a date with an Xbox
and a bag of chips
Vav: Did you make that big zappy gun?
Hilda: This old thing?
Yeah ages ago.
I'm an engineer at Monarch Labs
I've always had a knack for inventing stuff
I'm kind of a genius
X-Ray: Dude! Badass!
I'd risk serious injury for some weapons like that!
Hilda: Wait, do you mean that?
I mean i-if you're willing to sign, like
a lot of waivers
I could hook you up with some technology
in the pre-pre-Alpha stage to try out
I need the data but corporate says they're
too dangerous to try on humans
X-Ray: Perfect!
We love danger!
Vav: We do?!
X-Ray: Think how awesome these weapons could make us Vav!
Vav: You're right
We can finally be the heroes this city needs!
Hilda: Yeah! See? Everybody wins.
Come by the lab tomorrow,
I should have something by then.
Both: Awesome!
*Fast Forward Music*
*Science Music*
Hilda: Welcome, Losers!
Don't touch anything.
X-Ray: Woah! What the fuck! Giant rat!
Hilda: Excuse you.
This is an Orbicular Robotic Friend
or ORF for short
ORF: Greetings!
How are you functioning today?
Vav: Aww look at the cheeky little kitty christmas bulb!
Look at you little face!
ORF: Language input does not compute
Please speak English!
Vav: What?!
Hilda: I was able to modify some prototypes
we've been working on
to better suit crime fighting.
It was very complicated
but I won't bore you with the technical details
which I assure you are very impressive.
X-Ray: Yeah yeah, whatever, whatever, shut up.
Are these supposed to be mine?
Hilda: Be careful!
These glasses are designed to emit
an incredibly powerful concussive energy blast.
X-Ray: That doesn't sound safe.
Is that safe?
Hilda: It's my legal obligation to tell you that
there's a slight risk of Gamma radiation poisoning
But the worst that can happen is blindness!
Vav: I mean, if that's the worst that can happen...
Hilda: Did I say worst?
I meant best
X-Ray: Wait, what?
Hilda: Look at this Vav
Vav: Wow!
A teacup!
What does it do?
ORF: Notice! Notice!
CEO of Monarch Labs approaching main entrance!
Hilda: Oh crap.
My boss is back.
You guys have gotta get outta here.
Vav: But what about this other stuff?
And what does the teacup do?!
Hilda: Just be careful with it.
Don't forget to record your data
and go to the hospital if you feel any
negative side-effects
like mega-cancer
X-Ray: Wait, that's real?!
Hilda: Oh and don't do anything stupid
like destroy the city!
*Upbeat Music*
Vav: Boot!
X-Ray: Glove!
Vav: Ohhh that's nice...
X-Ray: Awesome!
X-Ray vision!
Ha!
Vav: X-Ray please!
We've gotta find some crime to fight!
X-Ray: THIIEEEVVEESS!!
Vav: Oh, that was easy.
Alright Gents,
we're gonna give you one chance to surrender
without escalating the situation further.
X-Ray: Or else you'll face the fearsome wrath of...
Both: X-RAY AND VAAAAV!!
*Mutual grunts of confusion*
X-Ray: Alright, time to show everyone
what we're made of.
Vav: X-Ray wai-
X-Ray: Suck my X-Ray!!
*Power up sound*
*CRASH*
Robber #1: Holy shit they killed Frank!
Ah well
I totally banged his wife once.
Robber #2: *Coughs*
I'm Frank.
That was Johnny.
Robber #1: Damn it!
I liked Johnny!
By the way Frank,
I banged your wife.
Vav: X-Ray! Are you okay?
X-Ray: Did I get 'em Mom?
Vav: Guess it's up to me!
Uhh...
Frank: C'mon Man,
we graduated from Robber school together
you came to my wedding!
Robber #1: The jobs almost done
let's just get the hell outta here
Vav: Stop!
Stop I say!
Don't make me use this!
I said STOP!
What?
I have freeze hands!
X-Ray: No you idiot look!
They're still moving!
Just slowly.
Vav: Ohh...
I have Slow Mo hands!
X-Ray: Allow me to finish these guys off
Vav: Hold on!
Don't you think we should think this through?
Maybe have a plan?
X-Ray: I think I've played enough video games
to hit two slow moving targets.
It's just like duck hunt
Its not hard.
*Lazer Beam Sounds*
Vav: You're hitting everything but the robbers!
X-Ray: N-No Worries!
I-I've got it!
Mayor: Finally!
My scale model of the city is complete!
Now just to compare my work to the real thing!
Oh dear.
This doesn't look right at all!
*screams*
*explosion*
Oh!
That's much better!
Thank you citizen!
X-Ray: Why can't I hit them?!
Vav: X-Ray! You gotta stop man!
You're gonna blow up the whole city!
X-Ray: Must...
...be...
... the hero!!
Hilda: Alright! Nice to see you!
Bye!
Oh my god. Thank god he's gone.
ORF: That was a close one!
Crisis averted!
Job security at 100%
*Lazer beam explosion*
ORF: Job security at 0%
Hilda: God Dammit X-Ray!!!
Vav: I need to do something
but I never planned for anything like this.
X-Ray: Sometimes you gotta do something
stupid to get results!
I'm a ghost...!
Vav: Well, this certainly is stupid.
Here goes nothing!
*dink*
I did it!
X-Ray: What the hell man!
I almost had them!
Stupid teacup
Jacking my swag.
*pulsing sound*
Vav: What the...
X-Ray: Nice teacup...
Please don't hurt us!
*Lazer Beam Explosion*
*crackling*
*Eagle birdsong*
Vav: Wow...
X-Ray: I know man...
Both: We did it!!
X-Ray: We finally saved the day!
Vav: We are true heroes now!
X-Ray, I'm sorry I doubted you
I'm so used to planning everything out
I forgot that some problems need to be solved
on the fly
X-Ray: That's okay buddy
We got the job done together
and that's what counts.
When we get the key to the city
I can't think of anyone else
I'd rather share it with
Hilda: So that's what the teacup does!
Vav: Miss Hilda!
Uhh...
Should I have recorded that data?
Hilda: Didn't I tell you two not to destroy the city?
X-Ray: Sometimes,
That's the price of justice
Hilda: No! It's not!
It's never the price of anything!
X-Ray: *whispers* Justice
Hilda: *sigh*
You guys really are
the worst superheroes ever.
*Dark mysterious music*
*footsteps*
Robber #1: Boss...
The Heist...
It was foiled by a couple of morons
claiming to be superheroes.
*dark mysterious music continues*
*violin screech*
*Lighter Clicks Closed*
*Theme music*