He brings you the facts.
The fake inspector has been captured.
He keeps you informed.
When will he learn?
But what he won't tell you is the truth
about the dangerous enemy lurking just off camera.
[screaming]
This is Bikini Bottom Mysterie.
Meet Johnny T. McTrout.
I'm a realistic fish head.
Also known as Johnny Elaine,
the tuna who knows how to dress professionally.
Bikini Bottom is under siege from narwhals.
And also really, really casually.
[whistling]
When it comes to the news,
he's the most trusted fish in the ocean.
And how can you not make money with such a brilliant idea?
But while you've been watching him,
has he been watching you back?
Exhibit A: mass surveillance
In other news, local resident
SpongeBob SquarePants only has a few hours left
to complete his essay.
How does one tuna know
so many private details about his viewers?
We interrupt this can-can for a special news bulletin.
How did he know that SpongeBob was doing a can-can?
We interrupt your laughter at other people's expense-
How did he know that Mr. Krabs was laughing?
We interrupt your bleak and meaningless lives
for this special news break.
How did he know my life is bleak and meaningless?
If you have a secret this fish will find it,
and it seems nothing will stop him
from exposing you on live television.
Because this guy will come into work
even under extreme circumstances,
like in a terrible blizzard.
Yes, it seems Old Man Winter paid us a visit late last night.
Or when he has a contagious disease.
Save yourself!
And even when he's under attack by sea whelks.
Luckily, the Bikini Bottom newsroom is perfectly safe.
But if these disasters can't keep him from his job,
then what caused him to miss this story?
This just in, a diabolical,
albeit haphazardly thrown together machine
is attacking Bikini Bottom.
Or this story?
It has been revealed that frozen Krabby Patties
are made with sand.
Or this story?
And with me is this year's co-host,
the one and only Ice Cream King.
Is he just playing hookey? Or is he a victim of...
Exhibit B: Career sabotage?
What kind of cruel, careless, evil person-
What if we told you that there's another reporter,
a bottom feeder who wants nothing more
than for the career of this realistic fish head
to become realistic fish dead?
Take another look at the reports Johnny missed.
What do they have in common? Two words, Perch Perkins.
As co workers, these two reporters may seem friendly.
And now we go to Perch Perkins at the scene.
But then why did Perch stop saying
"thanks" to Johnny? Here's some old footage.
We now go to Perch Perkins live on the scene.
Thanks, Elaine.
[slow motion] Thanks, Elaine.
And here's some new footage.
And now we go to Perch Perkins at the scene.
That's right, Perch Perkins, here at Goo Lagoon.
No manners at all.
Is this why Johnny started doig the field reporting himself?
And it's a beautiful day here at Bikini Bottom's,
Fast Food Coliseum.
And is that why Perch does whole stories
without including his lead anchor?
It has been revealed that frozen Krabby Patties
are made with sand.
Grow up you two.
We'll never know who started this pettiness,
but we do know it was Perch who took it way too far.
Batten down the hatches because this mystery is
about to get a whole lot stranger.
So much destruction. This reporter asks, "Why?"
Take a look at this footage from the Bikini Bottom news.
Local consensus places the blame
on this negligent, selfish driving instructor.
Does something about Johnny feel fishy?
I mean, other than the fact that he's a fish?
Listen again.
Local consensus places the blame on this negligent,
selfish driving instructor.
That voice is not the voice of Johnny Elaine.
Breaking news: Bikini Bottom is under siege from narwhals.
No, that's clearly the voice of...
So much destruction.
Perch Perkins.
This is Perch Perkins reporting live from Goo Lagoon.
So much destruction. This reporter asks, "Why?"
This is Perch Perkins.
So much destruction.
Perch Perkins. Destruction. Perch Perkins. Destruction.
Did this sick fish stuff himsef into a Johnny Elaine costume?
That's right, Perch Perkins here.
Impersonating his enemy on live TV.
Maybe Perch doesn't just want to compete with Johnny Elaine,
but maybe he wants to be Johnny Elaine.
[music playing]
What have you done with the real Johnny, Perch?
And why do you want him out of the picture?
The answer may lie in...
Exhibit C: Bikini Bottom Inquirer.
In November of 2022, a series of strange videos begn
to surface on YouTube,
an alternative new source known only as
Bikini Bottom Inquirer,
a show filled with inaccuracies...
Who was supervising this event,
this giant walking underwater apple?
Yeah, it's probably his fault. Jerk apple.
Slander...
Local hero named honorary town rookie of the day.
Even though he doesn't deserve it as much as me.
And downright lies.
You heard it here first, folks.
Box Dwelling Rainbow wizards run rampant
in Bikini Bottom. If I were you, I'd panic.
And if you look really closely at that host,
you might notice that it's none other
than Perch Perkins.
Is that why he tried to get rid of Johnny?
So much destruction. This reporter asks, "Why?"
So he could completely control the narrative?
That's more like it.
He even poached Johnny's longtime assistant, Hans,
to come work for him instead.
[shrieking] Oh. Oh, sorry, Hans.
I forgot you were here.
That's our intern.
And invited known Bikini Bottom villains
to be guests on the show, like Bubble Bass...
You can call me Bubble.
Okay, I'm not going to do that.
Squilliam...
Time for one more caller.
You've got to believe me,
Squidward is obviously the guy in the suit.
And even DoodleBob.
[babbling]
Mm, mm-hmm, yeah, got it.
Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks for that DoodleBob.
Three people perfect for helping Perch spread
his misinformation to unsuspecting fish.
That's right.
And that's just the tip of the pineapple.
Because things are about to get much, much worse.
Turn your attention to Exhibit D:
total media takeover.
Perch wants you to believe
he was the first to create an episode
of Bikini Bottom Inquirer.
He even labeled it "Episode one".
But he doesn't want you to know that almost two years earlier,
the real first episode was released.
In a totally different style, with a totally different host.
And once Perch took over,
the original host was never heard from again.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's a personal project.
Stop tape, Stop tape. Roll the other tape.
Coincidence? We don't think so.
He tried to replace the host of the news,
he replaced the host of Bikini Bottom Inquirer.
Who will he replace next,
the host of Squidward's show, Squidward Chat?
Greetings. I'm Squidward Tentacles,
your host of Squidward Chat.
The host of the secret docuseries, SpongeBob DocuPants?
A nasty patty, an act of revenge,
and a classic case of mistaken identity.
I'm Ken Shocknek, and this is SpongeBob DocuPants.
Or worst of all, is he coming to replace
the host of Bikini Bottom Mysteries?
Thanks, announcer guy.
Wait, wait. What- what's going on here?
Listening to you was like a chore, as usual.
Now, back to me.
Welcome to Bikini Bottom Myster-
Oh, no, you don't. This is my show.
Give me a break.
Welcome to Bikini Bottom Mysteries.
Uh, yeah, I-I just said that.
You know what, Perch? I don't have to take this.
-
You're a hack.
Get it off me! Get it off me!
We may never know what show
Perch Perkins will take over next,
but one thing's for sure.
It will never be Bikini Bottom Mysteries.
And now a Bikini Bottom bonus mystery.
If SpongeBob can't ever get his license...
You just struck another pedestrian,
minus 20 more points.
then why is he allowed to drive this rock?
Does he have his rock license already?
Or his SpongeBob driving this rock... without a license?
Better not get pulled over, SpongeBob.
File this one under 'W' for wee woo, wee woo.
Wee woo, wee woo.
Have you seen something strange under the se?
Tune in next time for more investigations
that will blow your pores,
strip your scales and flip your fins.
Like, subscribe and remember,
if the pineapple fits, live in it.