- Have you ever helicoptered after getting out of the shower?
- No, I have not. - (React) Truth!
- Okay. - Not after getting out of the shower.
- (React laughs) Girls ask guys embarrassing questions.
- Mm. Love that. - Mm. Okay.
- (React) While the guy is strapped into a lie detector test.
- I'm down for this. - You don't sound down.
- (React) The ladies get to ask the questions today.
- Lie detector. Can we do a stand up detector?
No? - Absolute fun.
I don't get to ask her anything. She just has to interrogate me,
and I just have to take it.
It's great. - I'm feeling great.
- (React) Have you ever done a lie detector test?
- No. But I've seen a lot on YouTube. (laughs)
- He's a pro. - I'm a pro.
I'm a pro at watching them, you know? How hard can it be to answer them?
- Right. - (React) Are you nervous?
- No! What do I care? I don't care. I'm 80 years old.
What do I care? - I have nothing to hide.
- I feel like, yes, I'm gonna piss myself;
no, I'm not gonna not have fun sort of thing.
It's like I'm in that range. - Just don't lie.
- Yeah, easy for you to say. EASY for you to say!
You're not getting hooked up to this thing.
- (React) Let's get you strapped in. - This is the best part.
- Let's do it. - I can hardly wait.
(bell rings) - I'm very excited.
Jaxon and I, we've known each other for quite a long time, so...
- Yes. - ...I might learn some new things
about him. (laughs) - I don't like that. I don't like--
ahhh! And then, the internet's gonna know.
It's great. - Right.
- Have you ever eaten food out of the garbage?
- I'm sure I have. I'm disgusting.
- That has to be a lie. There's no-- (gasps)
- I'm-- I've licked the bottom of a shoe before right after
it was raining. - I was in the Navy in Vietnam,
two years. I did a lot of things
you don't wanna know about. After being out at sea
for 40-50 days at a time, you'd eat anything.
- Yeah. Yeah. - I probably have.
- (React) We're getting that's a big truth.
It's a big yes. - Anybody would've.
- Sure. (ding)
- (React) Truth. - Okay. I would like to know
what you ate out of the trash. - I don't know.
I know that I've done it before. If it's a wet food, no.
(buzzer) If it's something you're comfortable
with eating off the floor, that is a food that you are
comfortable eating out of the trash can.
- So, have you eaten something off the floor?
- Yeah. What do you mean? You drop an Oreo, you pick it up.
You dust it off and you eat it. - There was dirt on the bottom
and I... - Why? I need the--
- Full sole to toe. - I need the story. I'm sorry.
- We were playing truth or dare, and I nev--
a [censored] never backs down. - A-- well, that makes one of us.
- (laughs) - 'Cause I'm not licking
any [censored] shoe. - No, if you dare me to do something,
it's done. (laughs) - (React) Whoa, that's power.
- That is a lot of power. - Back to the trash can thing.
If it's a public trash can, you don't go near it.
That is a given. I'm talking about, like, at home,
and you accidentally throw stuff out. It's like, "Oh, [censored].
I wasn't supposed to throw that out." You know?
- Do you pee in hot tubs and/or pools?
- Yes. - (laughs)
- (React) Automatic truth. - I [censored] love it.
- Hot tubs, no. But pools, yes.
- Mm! - Hot tubs? I don't know.
It's just a smaller... - Pool.
- So, if you pee in it, someone will be like...
- You feel like they'll be in it. - Why did it just get warmer?
(laughs) - Oh my-- is your pee that hot?
- No. (laughs) - I probably have at some time.
Remember, all my life, I was a swimmer.
I was a distance swimmer. So, I used to race 1500 meters,
which is a long way. - Mm-hmm.
- I'm sure I peed many times. - (React) Phil is telling the truth!
- But not deliberately. - No. I wouldn't swim
in your toilet, so don't pee in my pool.
- (laughs) - I'll just say yes.
- Okay. - (React) Truth!
- I'm pretty sure everyone has peed in a pool or a hot tub.
- Oh, absolutely. - Absolutely!
- Do you think you're a good kisser?
- I've been told so, yeah. - Mm. I mean, dancer, sorry.
- Oh, you got a double-- - Oh!
- (React) It's okay. No, you got a double thumb up
on the kisser. - Oh! Shi-- go ahead then, Danny!
Well, do you think you're a good dancer?
I know this is a yes. - Yeah!
- Yeah. Hips don't lie, honey. - I would think I'm a good dancer.
- I am a good dancer. I'm a great dancer.
In fact, in college, I won the Hully Gully contest.
- (React) It's like a 1/2 truth there. - Well, it was so long ago.
Remember, you're dealing with somebody really old,
so the things fade over time. It's like the color on your shirt.
- Well, and dancing has changed so much.
It's not like it was when we were kids. - If you say dancing today,
they wouldn't know what I was doing. - No, you have to know
hip hop dancing. - I don't know that.
- Yeah. - Not necessarily.
- Mm-hmm. - I have good moves
every once in a while, but I wouldn't...
- I would say-- yeah. - (React) That's a truth.
- That's true. I think sometimes, Jaxon does surprise me
with his dance moves, and I'm like, "I didn't know
he had it like that." - If there is a giant dance floor
and it is-- everyone is going crazy, I will go in the middle
and spin on the floor and people go nuts.
You don't even have to be good at it.
You just have to spin on the floor and everyone thinks
it's the biggest thing in the world. And it works. (chuckles)
I love that. - I would not wanna go
to one of your school dances. - Now, Danny...
- Yes? - Are you fascinated by your penis?
- Fascinated? - Yes.
- That's a good ques-- no. I'm asexual, so the sexual organs
are not really... - Your thing?
- ...of interest to me. - I see.
- Yeah. - (React) That's truth!
- Male or female. - Wow!
- Well, you know, I've gotten pretty used to it
after 87 years. - That's not fascination.
- (React laughs) That's just truth. - I don't have any penis envy.
And I'm secure and all that stuff. Sure. I don't know what the answer is.
So, what does it say I'm doing there?
- Not answering. - (React) It's says you're
pretty truthful about being secure. - Okay.
- I think a lot of viewers would like to know this question as well.
- Like, admire? Like-- - Yeah. Yeah!
Do you admire your penis? - No.
- You don't admire your penis? - I do not admire my penis.
- (React) True. (chuckles) - (laughs)
- I don't care. - Bro, if I had a dick,
I'd be so fascinated by it. I'm not even playing.
- Well, obviously, because you're used to being a woman.
That's like if a guy had boobs, he'd be like bo-bok the whole day,
you know? - Have you ever helicoptered
after getting out of the shower? - No. I-- no.
Like, the Tony Lopez? - (React) False.
You've totally helicoptered. - You know you've helicoptered!
(laughs) I was like, what? Is it a false reading?
- (React) It's a false reading. - It's a false?
- Have I ever helicoptered? I don't know what that means.
- (React) That's when you swing your hips and allow your penis
to just fly in a circle. - That's a term we don't know.
- Well, I can't do it in the shower. The shower's too small.
I might hit the walls. - (React) That's a lie. (laughs)
- Really? I never would've guessed that's a lie.
- No, I have not. - (React) Truth.
- Okay. - Not after getting out of the shower.
There you go. - Just before? Yeah.
- I swing my hips, but when my thing was tucked way back.
It was between my crack. - (React) Well, that's called
the bilber. - Well, no. No, no, no.
That's tucking for drag. I was dressed as a woman,
and I was shaking my hips. But you've gotta duct tape it
and tape it all the way back. - Oh my god.
- (React) The opposite helicopter. - The opposite helicopter, you know?
I wanted to make nothing. - (React) The opptocopter.
- The opptoco-- (wheezes) - If you are a guy,
it is a thing that you have done. Not necessarily out of the shower.
It is just a genuine thing. It's like, you know what?
Let's give it a go. Let's give it--
- (React) It's helicopter time. - Let's give it a whirl, you know?
- Has an animated character ever made you horny?
- Yeah. - I mean...
- Oh my god. They're so much better than real men.
- (React) Big truth. - Animated men?
Sometimes, they just know what's up.
- Gotcha. No wood, pal. - Not even from Woody Woodpecker?
- No. - (React) Ooh, that's a lie, Phil.
(buzzer) That's a lie.
- That's a lie?! Gosh, I wish I could remember.
Gosh, there was Miss Piggy. I used to get pretty excited
about Miss Piggy. - Betty Boop.
- Too thin. Much too thin for me. - Has an animated character
ever made you horny? - Yes.
- (React) Big, immediate truth. - Oh!
- Anime can be hot. Hell yeah.
- He is a huge anime fan. What about any other
cartoon characters, like when you were younger or something?
- Raven from Teen Titans.
'Nuff said. That is just, like...
- Have you ever practiced making out on an inanimate obje--
- Yes. - I didn't even get there.
I didn't even... - Sure. I have this doll.
You put air in it, blows up. She's got a big mouth.
Many times. I'm into it. I'm totally into it.
- You have a wife and a daughter. - Oh, that's right. That's a lie.
(buzzer) - No, I have not.
(buzzer) - (React) That's false.
- Not that I know-- I'm trying to think--
- This dude's lying his ass off over here.
- I don't know what I would've practiced on.
- Why would you do this, Jaxon? - No.
- I can literally tell you that I've done this before, like...
- I don't-- no, I'm-- genuinely. I don't...
- So, you just went into your first kiss
freeballing it? Like, you were just like,
"I don't know what I'm doing,
but, like, [censored] it." - My first kiss was playing
spin the bottle back in middle school.
No practice, not a care in the world. - I've done all these cards.
- Okay. - Now I'm gonna freestyle.
- Freestyle? Let's hear a verse. ("beatboxes")
- Why? 'Cause I'm Black? Wow. Wow.
- No! - (React) Wait.
False. (buzzer)
- (screams and laughs) - (React) Catherine went through
the gauntlet of our adolescent questions,
but she also came prepared with a bunch of her own.
- Preparation H. - (React) Yeah!
- You were prepared. - They told me to.
- Oh. - Would you ever be with a girl?
- You know, I've thought about it, but... yeah, I've thought about it.
- (laughs) I don't know if that's a-- - I mean, yeah.
- (React) It's the truth. He's telling the truth.
- Okay, so yeah, you think so?
- Like I said, I'm asexual. - Right, right.
- So, it's kind of-- it's more of like, I think I would
like to have the personality there. - Are men and women equal?
- Boy, they sure are. You know how I know that?
I don't give a [censored] what it says. I have two sons, two daughters.
My daughters are smarter than I am, are more successful.
I admire them. I think women have so many things
going for 'em, so smart. Men are usually spoiled brats.
They've been spoiled by their mother,
their sister, their grandmother... - Absolutely true.
Absolutely true. - ...their aunt. And they're spoiled.
- And they never grow up. - (React) Phil, you are telling
a big ol' truth. - Okay. It's true. I believe that.
- Have you ever hit something with your car and driven away?
- I have not.
- (React) True. - Okay!
- I have rear-ended someone. Someone has completely side-swiped me.
- Oh my god. - Which sucks. It was not my fault.
Those are the two accident things I've ever been in.
But I have never hit someone and run off.
- Do you like everyone at React? - No.
- (both laugh) - (React) That's the truth. (laughs)
- When was the last time you cried? - When my mother died, I guess.
I was in Vietnam. I got a telegram.
That was lovely. They said, "Your mother passed away."
That really screwed me up 'cause she wasn't ill.
She was 49 years old. - (gasps)
Oh my gosh. - So, I guess that might be it.
That might be it. I don't know what it says on your machine.
I could care less.. - (React) That's very, very--
thank you for sharing that, but it's a big truth.
- Have you ever picked your nose and eaten it?
- Not intentionally, no. - (laughs)
- (React) False. (buzzer)
- Not-- here. Whenever there's a false,
I need to ask it again. - Jaxon picked his nose and ate it!
- Ask it to me one more time. - Jaxon, do you eat your boogers?
- No, I do not.
(buzzer) - (React) False.
- What the-- what the [censored]?
If I pick my boogers, I place 'em somewhere!
- Now, I have to ask you for the people, so we can clarify.
Are you racist? - No! Please.
- (React) Big old truth. - Please don't! (laughs)
- I had to save you from the people, okay? (laughs)
Otherwise, it was gonna be finicky the whole way!
Whelp, I guess that's all my questions.
Honey, you are an open book. - (React) How do you feel, Danny?
- I feel good. I feel like a lot of things
that I would've just said if you had asked me. (laughs)
- He's like, "There was nothing..." - If you just walk up to me
and ask me a question, I'll probably answer it.
- Yeah. Yeah. - If I'm in a good mood.
- (React) Dawg, what you think about your penis?
- She's pretty. - She's-- (laughs) she's--
- (React) Truth. - (both laugh)
- (React) Did you guys have a good time?
- [Censored] yes. - Yeah. We always have a good time.
- I had so much fun. - I'm lovin' this.
Yeah, next time, oh, you're [censored].
Oh, you are [censored]. - (laughs)
- Thank you for watching this very special episode of React.
- Please like and subscribe. - Did you enjoy me spilling
my guts this episode? Let us know down in the comments.
- Seems a little deadly, Danny. - (both laugh)
- I'm asking if they enjoyed it, you know?
- I'm sure they enjoyed you. - I'm sure they did.
- Bye, everybody. - Bye-bye!