♪ Zack Morris is Trash. ♪
(bell rings)
- [Narrator] Zack Morris is dreading
Mr. Testaverde's midterm,
a teacher who strikes fear
in students when you yell his name for no reason.
Jessie is studying
with books.
Zack mocks her literacy,
then gambles his sunglasses
on a water balloon quick draw,
Zack's lost three days in a row,
make that four,
because Slater set his dopey ass up.
- I couldn't throw at a friend you pinhead.
- [Narrator] Yeah, sounds like you really like the guy.
But Zack can't stop the bleeding
and rolls the hallway dice again.
He bets his HAM radio when Slater says
Kelly will be next down the stairs.
Zack stalks Kelly and has a troubling constant
knowledge of her location,
she's in volleyball practice,
except she isn't because Slater got the drop on him again.
Zack's displeased, he's being fleeced
like the simpleton he is.
Zack signs off one last time for all his fans out there
in radio land,
fucking no one,
and sends Screech to the roof to do the dangerous work
of disconnecting the antenna,
which causes Screech to be
struck by lightning.
As he stumbles around dazed,
Zack does nothing to assist
or call for an ambulance,
he lets him walk home alone,
right after Screech predicts a phone call
before it rings.
Then Screech yanks Zack out of the way of an accident
that could have saved the world a lot of misery.
Ever since the lightning,
Screech sees glimpses of the future.
Zack realizes Screech's high voltage brain trauma
gave him a gift,
a gift he could share with the world
and change it forever.
So naturally Zack swears him to secrecy
to hog it for himself,
then gloats about his scheme
not realizing Screech would see that,
idiot.
Mr. Testaverde's reviewing,
everyone's feverishly trying to keep up,
Zack goes out of his way
to show he doesn't care,
it's really just sad.
Slater wants his radio, but Zack's feeling lucky.
He wants to go double or nothing
for Slater's jacket on another thrilling round
of predict the stairs walker.
Slater makes a solid guess, but Zack squanders
Screech's super-human powers to see a trombone,
a confused and cold Slater is pushed to self-harm.
Zack's calling the track to see how soon
he could get Screech betting on ponies,
then clumsily spills while passing Screech his phone,
electrocuting him for the second time in less than 24 hours.
He ignores his pain and squeezes him
for the three mid-term questions.
Zack continues his gambling marathon.
He interrupts Slater helping Kelly study
to propose whoever scores higher on the test
will be the loser's slave for a week.
Slater gladly accepts as Zack is a known dumb ass.
Kelly questions Zack's sudden academic confidence.
He uses hacky mind tricks to make her beg
to come over for a study session
that is most assuredly a sex trap.
Yup, the only thing Zack's studying
is Kelly for vulnerabilities.
Kelly can't get any work done
in this dimly lit room with corny music.
Zack helps her relax with some uninvited touching,
then tells her to close her eyes so he can assault her,
which she narrowly avoids.
Zack knows a great way to learn,
let's dance and throw books.
Zack tells her to relax again,
as he mashes half a chub against her jorts.
Jessie interrupts,
thank God.
Kelly invited the gang to study,
that thing they're not doing.
Zack wants them to die.
- Where's the lightening when you really need it?
- [Narrator] Jessie is rightfully skeptical
Zack knows anything,
Zack says he can see the answers,
narcissistically deluding himself
into taking credit for Screech's talent.
He says they only need to study for three questions.
Now be gone, so he can jack off
while this room still smells like Kelly.
Screech's visions are mixed up since that last zap.
He sees all kinds of test questions.
He's losing his damn mind.
- Did you know that Lincoln freed the Japanese?
- [Narrator] Zack disregards Screech's need
to be in the emergency room yesterday
and commands him to see the future.
Nope,
Zack is boned,
until he gets a great idea.
Zack runs every bathroom faucet,
wasting precious Southern California water
to impersonate Belding on a call to Testaverde.
He reports a massive campus flood,
midterms are postponed.
Then impersonates Testaverde, calling in sick to Belding
and feeds him the only three questions he studied,
so Belding can deliver the midterm.
Zack's plan falls apart at the starting line,
when Testaverde arrives to help
with the crisis Zack manufactured.
The deduced deceit, but who would commit
double phone fraud before 8:00 a.m.?
The same moron who didn't
turn his ringer off before class.
Here come the real questions,
Zack blew it.
When grades get posted, he walks past Kelly
like nothing happened.
His peers are in emotional shambles
in the wake of his latest failure.
Screech got an A.
He did this crazy thing called study.
Zack rebukes his work ethic.
Now Zack is Slater's slave and pranks him
by ordering a spicy pizza he'll have to pay for,
plus another one that isn't spicy
after Slater takes one bite,
wow, really showed him.
Let's review, Zack Morris compulsively gambled
away his radio on a losing streak,
then made Screech disconnect it,
which got him struck by lightning,
then did nothing to help.
When he learned Screech got a miraculous gift,
Zack horded it to see a trombone,
then electrocuted Screech
again
and lost it.
Then made unwanted sexual advances
under the guise of having test answers,
answers he did not have.
And instead of alerting his friends,
committed half-brain trickery,
that had no chance of working for even an hour
and still didn't learn the value of doing any work ever.
Zach Morris is trash.
♪ Zack Morris is Trash ♪
(bell rings)