(soft music)
- Welcome back the Thanksgiving Channel,
the only station teaching you how
to make Thanksgiving dinner every day,
every hour on the hour, 365 am I right Debbie?
- That's right, Mark, Thanksgiving
is everyone's favorite meal so the food network decided
to devote an entire channel to it.
- Well it's 3:30AM on February 12th and,
- Is it?
- And I better get started on these crescent rolls.
- Mmm.
- I'll begin by throwing away the crescent rolls
from the 2AM show.
- Can you believe it's our 3000th episode?
- Well here's to 3000 more.
Let's trash those.
Do you know that Benjamin Franklin wanted the turkey
to be the national bird of the United States.
- I did Mark because you say it every single show.
But somebody out there may not know
so we're saying it for you, we're saying it for you!
- Cheese and our butter, and now it's time to suicide
and pepper to taste.
- I think you mean salt, Mark.
- What did I say?
- You said suicide.
- That's weird.
But one thing's for certain,
life is good during the holiday time.
And golden brown.
- Sure is.
- I'm gonna take that puppy out of the oven
and throw it in the trash can.
- Good idea Mark, I once tried to give some of the food
that we cook here on the show to the homeless,
but I was almost fired.
- Did you know that the heaviest turkey ever raised
was 86 pounds, about the size of a large dog.
- You know every episode that you say that
I imagine us cooking an actual dog.
- I do to, that is so crazy.
- You do?
- Absolutely, a large golden retriever that we shave down
and we slather butter all over.
- Think you'd want a youngish dog, you know.
- Absolutely.
- And maybe, you don't want 'em to get too big
because I feel like you'd waste a lot of meat.
- I would want to hate the dog.
- So many dogs are euthanized.
Dog shelters, they should just, you know, cook up the dog.
- Speaking of cooking dogs,
let's cook a turkey.
- Two pies, three pies, your out.
- You're out.
(laughs)
- That's my line.
I think you know what I wished for.
- A new job.
(laughs)
trick to carving up turkey is to make sure
that you have a very sharp, very shiny,
just a gorgeous knife, look at that.
- Can we get a shot of that, look how it catches the light.
- My god.
- Oh.
- All right, now that the knife's sharpened,
you're gonna want to cut the turkey right down my vein.
(gasps)
(moans)
- Oh oh, I want to do it.
- Oh sweet release, no I think I, no it's my turn
I have the knife, I'm gonna feel,
let go of my knife you.
(soft music)
- 4AM on February 12th, it's time to make the crescent rolls
I'm gonna go over here to the oven
and we're gonna turn up the heat.
Make sure the gas is all the way on high,
as high as you can get it.
- Nothing is real.
- And then we're gonna put our head inside
and go to sleep forever.
- [Announcer] Gobble, gobble turkey lovers,
do you have what it takes to host
your own 24 hour Thanksgiving cooking show?
Give us a call.
(soft music)
- Santa?
- Sh.
(laughs)
(Growls)
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
(upbeat music)
(laughs)
Sh.
(jingles)
(meows)
Sh.
(smacks)
(groans)
(laughs)
(yells)
Sh.
(soft music)
(coughs)
(beeps)
(claps)
(gasps)
- Magic.
- Sh.
♪ Jingle, jangle, Christmas time ♪
- Oh hello, I'm celebrity host.
You know the holidays are the busiest time of year.
When there's presents to wrap
and stockings to hang, you don't have time to listen
to all the Christmas songs.
And why would you?
When there's only one Christmas song that really matters.
♪ On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me ♪
♪ A partridge in a pear tree. ♪
- That's right, the best Christmas song
is 12 days of Christmas.
We all know it.
And the best part of 12 Days of Christmas is
♪ Five Golden rings ♪
- Yup, that one part, the five golden rings part.
And now all the greatest five golden rings moments
have been collected on five compact discs
of golden music.
You'll get renditions of Five Golden Rings
from your favorite artists.
♪ Five Golden rings ♪
♪ Five golden rings ♪
- Think that's enough?
Well we have more.
♪ Five golden rings ♪
♪ And Five golden rings ♪
♪ Five golden rings ♪
♪ Five onion rings ♪
♪ Five golden rings ♪
♪ Five golden rings and I can't help myself ♪
- But wait, there's more than one CD in the collection.
♪ We've got the five golden rings ♪
♪ Five golden rings ♪
♪ Five golden rings now ♪
♪ We got the five golden rings ♪
♪ We've got the four calling birds ♪
♪ Five golden rings ♪
♪ Five rings, five rings of gold ♪
♪ What you gonna do when things unfold ♪
- Have you had enough rings yet?
I didn't think so.
♪ Five golden rings ♪
♪ Five golden ♪
♪ And the five golden rings baby ♪
♪ Five golden rings ♪
♪ We got a five golden rings now ♪
♪ Five golden rings for you ♪
♪ Five golden rings of honey nut Cheerios ♪
♪ Good morning now-ie ♪
♪ And five golden rings ♪
- Order the best of Five Golden Rings today.
On five golden ring shaped compact discs.
Do they work, no.
(upbeat music)
- That was just a taste.
(sassy music)
(squeaks)