Everyone has been talking about the threat
of white supremacy in the United States.
In fact, even President Trump admits
that it's a major problem.
Which is a pretty big deal,
'cause that would be like if Hobbs & Shaw spoke out
against speeding.
If Jason Statham came out like,
"You know what's cooler than driving fast?
Going 55 and buckling your safety belt, innit?"
But even though most people in America
have acknowledged the threat, there is one person
who still isn't convinced.
Fox News anchor
and concerned face drawn onto a balloon...
-(laughter) -Tucker Carlson.
The whole thing is a lie.
If you were to assemble a list,
a hierarchy of concerns, of problems this country faces,
where would white supremacy be on the list?
Right up there with Russia, probably.
It's actually not a real problem in America.
The combined membership
of every white supremacist organization in this country
would be able to fit inside a college football stadium.
"White supremacy-- that's the problem."
This is a hoax. Just like The Russia hoax.
It's a conspiracy theory used to divide the country
and keep a hold on power.
That's exactly what's going on.
Wait, what?
White supremacists aren't a threat
because they can only fill a college football stadium?
My man, those stadiums hold a hundred thousand people.
We shouldn't have enough white supremacists
to fill a golf cart-- that's how many we should have.
-(cheering, applause) -We're not talking about the numbers here.
Oh. How many? How many of them are there?
White supremacists are like babies on a plane--
even one is enough to ruin your day.
-(laughter) -And you do notice,
you do notice that Tucker Carlson
only gives white terrorists this pass. Yeah?
Like, after 9/11, he wasn't like, "Al-Qaeda?
"Please. What was it, like, 19 people?
"Is this a real thing? Huh? There's, like, 19 people.
Call me when they can sell out a Knicks game, okay? Uh-huh?"
Oh, and it's especially interesting
that Tucker doesn't think white supremacists are a real threat,
especially when you look at all the other threats
that he talks about on his show.
If you're looking for threats to our democracy,
how about Silicon Valley?
How did we wind up with a country
in which feminists do science?
A country where you're afraid to touch other people
is a country we don't want to live in.
The way we practice immigration
has become dangerous to this country.
Kneeling during our National Anthem,
you know, the basic symbol of our country,
it's an attack on the United States.
Almost every nation on earth
has fallen under the yoke of tyranny: the metric system.
The metric system. (gasps)
The metric system is a threat to America
but white supremacy is a hoax?
Yo, I feel like Tucker Carlson
would tell the lamest campfire stories of all time.
He's just be like, "And then she heard a scratching sound
"coming from inside the door,
and when she turned around, it was centimeters."
(laughter)
Now, apparently soft-pedaling white supremacy
didn't go over well with everybody.
In fact, three big advertisers pulled out
of Tucker Carlson's show after he said that.
-And... -(cheers and applause)
And... something tells me
his bosses at Fox News didn't like what he said
because, the very next day,
he made a surprise announcement at the end of his show.
That's it for us tonight.
Tune in every night at 8:00 p.m.
to the the shown that is the sworn enemy of lying,
pomposity and smugness and group think.
By the way, I am taking several days off,
headed to the wilderness
to fish with my son, catch some brook trout.
Politics is important, fishing with your son
sometimes more important, so I'm doing it.
Okay.
Oh, that timing seems suspicious but who knows,
maybe lots of people leave for fishing vacations
on Wednesday night at 9:00 p.m.
I mean, you never know
when the fish are gonna start biting.
You never know.
And I know some people will say, "Come on, Trevor,
"this is probably just a coincidence, okay?
"Just because Tucker said something offensive
"and then took a surprise vacation
doesn't mean these two things are related."
Okay, maybe not,
but it does seem to happen a lot over at Fox.
Sudden vacation announcements
have been a go-to move for Trump TV.
Last March, Laura Ingraham announced a vacation
after coming under fire
for mocking Parkland survivor David Hogg.
Sean Hannity went on vacation after advertisers fled
over his promotion of a conspiracy theory
that exploited the death of DNC staffer Seth Rich.
Jesse Watters took time off after criticism
over a lewd comment about Ivanka Trump.
You go in, like, hard enough, they drop the ball.
-It's perfect. -Very good. -Yeah, you're welcome.
I'm glad he didn't run them over.
Also, I'm gonna be taking a vacation with my family
so I'm not gonna be here tomorrow and Friday,
but I'll be back on Monday, so try not to miss me too much.
BOOTHE: (clears throat) Saturday also?
(laughter)
My favorite part is how all the Fox hosts
try to casually slip it in to random conversation, you know?
Sort of like how you used to buy condoms in high school.
You'd just be like, "Yeah, let me get a,
"a bag of the Doritos and a pack of the condoms...
(speaking rapidly and indistinctly)
And the cashier's like, "Jerry, bring me over
"a box of condoms for the kid, please.
I'm gonna say extra small!"
(audience reacts)
So almost everyone on Fox
has had to go on a surprise vacation
after saying something controversial,
but there's one vacation on Fox
that is the greatest of all time.
HAYES: Bill O'Reilly took what he insisted
was a pre-planned vacation after revelations
he had settled multiple sexual harassment allegations.
Finally time for Factor Tip of the Day
often around this time of year,
I grab some vacation because it's spring and Easter time.
Last fall, I booked a trip that should be terrific.
Not gonna tell you where it is.
I'll have a full report when I return.
HAYES: And he never returned.
(laughter)
(cheers and applause)
Oh, man.
And he never returned.
Doesn't sound like a guy going on vacation,
it sounds like a guy who got whacked by the mob.
(Italian accent): "Yeah, let's just say O'Reilly's
"gonna be going on a permanent vacation.
I'm Chris Cuomo. Thanks for watching CNN."
(cheers and applause)
(normal voice): And I...
I also feel really bad for that one Fox viewer
who's still waiting for O'Reilly to return.
'Cause you know there's one person watching TV like,
"Bill's gonna have so many great stores stories
"when he finally comes back.
I bet he went to Machu Picchu."
Honestly, these emergency vacations have become
such a staple for Fox News hosts,
I wouldn't be surprised if they had their own travel agency.
ANNOUNCER: Are you tired of the hustle and bustle
of being dropped by advertisers?
Want to get away because your bosses say you have to?
Then you need Fox Vacations,
the travel agency for Fox News hosts in trouble.
We'll lift you off in the dead of night
and bring you to an isolated spot
where you can rant in peace.
Hang ten while spreading murder conspiracies.
Mock shooting survivors between rounds of beach volleyball,
or just share your views on white genocide with the fish.
Plus, call now for our special Forever Vacation.
You'll have so much fun, you won't want to go back,
which is great, because you can't.
Fox Vacations.
Relax, this will all blow over.
(cheers and applause)
Have a great trip, guys.