[MUSIC PLAYING]
[SNORES] The World Series started on Tuesday.
Wah wah.
But baseball is dead to us until next year.
Yeah, so instead, we're giving all our focus to the Bronx
institution of handball.
Handball, that's right.
JULIA: Can you guys explain what handball is?
Handball is a sport played by senior citizen
Puerto Rican men--
[LAUGHTER]
--in the summer where they wear fingerless gloves,
and they hit a ball against a wall.
I'm not super clear on the rules.
Yeah.
But it doesn't matter.
It's a very problematic sport because it's basically
slapping practice but--
[LAUGHTER]
you know, like a lot people in the Bronx enjoy it.
Know what I'm saying?
Now handball doesn't get the TV airtime it deserves.
So went to the Bronx and held a tournament no one
was prepared for.
That's right.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MERO (VOICEOVER): Welcome to Desus
and Mero's impromptu Bronx handball championship
of the Bronx, where we roll up on some random handballers
and make them play in a tournament
that we just made the fuck up right now.
What's up, y'all?
Watch your back, coming through,
coming through, coming through.
Super lit.
No fouling, no bad words.
What are you guys doing?
We're here just to oversee and everything,
make sure everything's good.
Hey, usually it's the bodega boys,
but today we are the handball boys.
That's right, and we are here covering
the first annual professional handball tournament
here at St. James Park.
Oh, you putting English on it.
St. James, named after LeBron James, rest in peace.
That's right, rest in peace.
A great handball player, not to be
confused with the NBA player.
Right.
And you see some of the talent the Bronx has to have out here.
MERO (VOICEOVER): Here are Desus and Mero's players
to keep your third eye on.
Will "The Thrill" is 20-0 in doubles matches,
but 11-16-1 in Puerto Rican Day parade fights.
DESUS (VOICEOVER): Don't sleep on "The OG" who
broke the handball color barrier when he introduced
a different colored ball.
Black people always played this shit.
MERO (VOICEOVER): And watch out for Nelson
Handsela, who's known for using the white and black
side of his hand.
Plus, he also went to prison.
Now, let's take a look at the full field competing today.
Fun fact, most of these motherfuckers
don't even realize we're filming them yet.
Wild Smacked takes the court against Mariano
Rivera's third cousins once removed in this highly
anticipated match.
Good initial strike.
Oh, just a bit high.
That-- that was low.
That was low.
That was a point.
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
We have absolutely no, nothing about the rules
of handball so--
Well, here's a fun fact.
Former Yankees catcher Jorge Posada not only
was right handed and left handed,
he used to pee on his hands to make them rougher.
That's right.
So you know, pee on your hands, y'all.
Can you shut the fuck up over there?
How about you concentrate on the game?
Focus on the game.
DESUS (VOICEOVER): Spotlight on the Don Glover, who'll
be a free agent next year if he doesn't learn
to keep his fucking mouth shut.
You feel me?
Wow.
Oh, choocha with this scoop.
On the ground, oh my god.
Oh, with a jack drive.
- Oh. - Wow.
What a play. You love to see it.
What intensity.
MERO (VOICEOVER): And with that victory,
Wild Smacked leads Mariano Rivera's third cousins once
removed absolutely stunned.
Now keep your eye on Jenny, who floats like a butterfly
and stings like a second generation immigrant kid
who'd never heard her parents say I love you.
Ooh, ooh.
Oh, oh.
Oh.
MERO (VOICEOVER): Call him a dickhead because he
just hit the back wall.
DESUS (VOICEOVER): Remeber the winner gets a $200 gift
certificate to Jimmy Jazz on Fordham Road, Jimmy Jazz.
Where you can get jeans for the love.
DESUS (VOICEOVER): Yo, we wanted to bring a real Bronx legend
to kick it in the booth with us, so please welcome
the Bronx Bomber, CC Sabathia.
Oh.
So you don't have to wait for it to bounce.
All right, what's the score?
How do you score?
Yo, I'm still trying to figure out the rules.
Yeah, us, too.
We just over here just--
- There's no real rules. - We just blow whistles.
They just making this shit up.
That's a true Bronx nigga right there.
He come to play with a fitted on and oh las.
Here we go.
Oh!
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
Damn.
DESUS: All right, don't look at us.
Continue playing.
[LAUGHTER]
Do your thing.
You know what I wanted to ask you.
I have a patio now.
What's a good outdoor plant that can survive
harsh sunshine conditions?
Cactus.
That shit will always be there.
My man got his hand taped up.
He about to get busy.
He about to get fucking busy.
So what other retirement plans you got going on?
You have to-- are you going to be
able to change your diet now?
I want to look like the Rock.
Brolic CC just come through.
Remember when Timberland came out--
I've been fat my whole life, yo.
It's time to change, you know what I'm saying?
Oh, when Timberlake came out mad jacked.
Yeah.
What's gonna happen right now, man?
We just catching up with the homie.
What's the problem?
That's the second time already that you're
not paying attention, man.
No, no, no, listen.
This it it. - What's the score?
Yo, don't be--
don't be approaching the table with that energy.
- Hey. - Listen.
Yo, my man will fuck you up.
Listen.
What's up?
Sacrificing the body.
Oh.
Yo, shout out to Jenny because I would have tore
every single ACL doing that.
Here's to Jenny.
MERO: CC, thank you very much for coming and talking shit
and not really, you know what I'm
saying, officiating and doing nothing else like that.
I still don't know the rules of this shit.
DESUS (VOICEOVER): Remember to stick around
in the seventh inning.
We're going to play lean back as required by law.
Jenny advances to the final round
because we heard there's mad traffic on the cross Bronx,
and we want to get the fuck home already.
MERO: Jenny is dominating so far.
Let's see what happens.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Boom.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
Jenny, Jenny, Jenny the jet, the champion.
DESUS: The champ is here.
Jenny the jet in the building.
What does it feel like to be such an incredible athlete?
I still lost.
Oh, you lost?
She hit the ball to the floor. - Wait, wait, wait.
- I'm the champ. - OK, OK.
I'm the champ.
OK, sorry, you got the wrong person.
OK, incredible athleticism displayed on the court.
You know what I'm saying?
Not since Patrick Ewing have I seen someone
leave so much out on the court.
- Back in '74, yes. - Yes.
MERO: And the grand prize.
DESUS: For Will "The Thrill", it's a big ass check for $50.
50 whole dollars.
- Know what I'm saying? - Don't cash it right away.
You got to wait until Monday, though.
Cause there's no--
It might not be there.
Not only do you get that, you get the trophy.
There you go.
The handy champ, y'all.
You heard?
Be sure to join us next year for the 45th annual handball
rest in peace Chance the Rapper tournament.
It'll be great.
[MUSIC PLAYING]