- It's a tense time to speak your truth.
It's tense everywhere you go.
But there's nowhere right now more tense
than an airplane.
Like, have you felt it?
Inside an airplane right now, it is crazy.
People are just ready for anything.
They're just ready.
Everybody's got their phone open to the video app
and their thumb is just hovering over the red record button like,
"I'm gonna be ready!
You try it, I'll be ready!"
Just in case, like, a flight attendant is dragging out
a racist toddler and kicking in the head.
It's like, "I'm gonna get this!
"#JusticeForSomebody. We're not sure who yet."
Everybody's really stressed out
when they travel on airplanes, but not me.
I'm chill.
I am so relaxed when I travel.
Show up to the airport, long lines?
Fine.
TSA wants to pat me down?
Get in there.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- Safety first. Be thorough.
Crying baby on the plane?
God's miracle. Let it out, little one.
Be our mouthpiece.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- And people are like, "How do you do it, Sara?
How do you remain so calm?"
I'm like, "It's very simple.
"I just live by one simple motto when I go on a trip.
"One simple motto.
I just say to myself, let it roll off your back."
Let it roll off your back. It's so easy.
So for instance, I was on a plane recently
and the man sitting next to me
was scrolling through Twitter well after it was time.
You know what time I'm talking about.
Airplane mode time.
The flight attendant came by and she saw it, and she's like,
"Sir, it's time to put it into airplane mode."
He turns to me and he's like-- [incredulous chuckle]
"Oh, okay.
"Like, if they don't put it into airplane mode,
like that's really gonna bring the plane down?"
[incredulous chuckle]
And I was just like,
[screaming hysterically] "Yes, it will!
Put it out! Put it out!"
Let it roll of your back.
- [laughter and applause]
- Keep it chill.
Life tips.
Feel free to use these.
As I've noticed anxiety going up on the airplane,
I've noticed a correlating uptick in loose animals
on the plane,
out of their package.
Has anyone else noticed this phenomenon?
There's more loose animals than there used to be
on the airplane.
What happens when your emotional support animal
is causing me to need therapy?
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- And I ask this because I read a headline that said,
"Woman brings comfort owl on flight to Miami."
It's like, what? I mean, an owl?
An owl, okay.
So first off, I just want more information--how?
How did you figure out you needed an owl
to get through a regional flight?
Were you just, like, walking through the forest one day,
just spiraling out about what you said on the conference call,
just like, "You stupid, stupid idiot!
Oh god, you always say the wrong thing!"
"Hoo, hoo!"
"Oh!"
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- "Where are you? That felt good.
Come here." "Hoo, hoo"
"Come here, owly. Come here. Come here.
Don't struggle! You're mine now!"
Like, how did it happen?
- [laughter]
- Second of all, I don't know if you guys are familiar--
experts obviously know this--
but the owl is the devil's bird.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- And imagine one of those birds sitting on the plane
three rows up from you, its head poking up over the seatback,
just staring at you with its big,
yellow eyes and its peak pointing down, and there's,
like, a mouse tail hanging out of it, and it's still moving?
And you know that body is facing forward.
That head has turned all the way around
like the demon that it is.
That's a plane-wide panic attack.
And also if you think about it, it's kind of screwed up
to bring your pet bird on a plane.
- AUDIENCE: [laughter]
- It's a dick move, right?
- [laughter]