Exciting news
from the world of international shipping.
You know, it's how you get all of those amazing products
that claim to be locally sourced.
But now, some of those deliveries
might be a little delayed.
Overseas, a major concern for global shipping.
A large container ship
is blocking the Suez Canal. A technical problem
caused a 1,300-foot vessel to run aground.
NEWSMAN: The online monitoring system tanker tracker shows
the huge backlog it's created-- a traffic jam, basically--
with ships unable to pass in either direction.
They're trying to get tugs in there to pull it out,
but it's so big that they're having a hard time moving it.
Okay, I don't know about you,
but I didn't even know that this could happen.
There's a giant traffic jam of cargo ships?
Yo, you realize that this is gonna
set the human trafficking industry back weeks.
And I feel so bad for the captain of that ship
that got stuck in the canal, because, like,
we've all been there. Trying to make a U-turn
on a narrow street, but now imagine
how much more stressful it must be when you know that
if you back up wrong, you might bump Egypt.
Boom! Aah! Sorry!
I also feel bad for all the guys behind that ship.
'Cause it's not like there's a lot of alternate routes
they can take. Can you imagine if you're on one of those ships,
you're looking at your Waze app like,
"What? 'Go around Africa?' No, no, no,
"pull up Google Maps. This is crazy.
We can't go around Africa."
But when you look at how big that ship is,
I’m not surprised that it got stuck.
And the crazy thing is that whole ship is just delivering
two double-A batteries, yeah.
The rest is just extra packaging.
What this situation really shows is how,
even in this age of technology,
we still depend on old-school things
like cargo ships and canals.
I mean, think about it-- right now, we can use
our wireless computer phone
to buy a hologram with cryptocurrency.
But, at the same time,
big boat got stuck, water too small.
But let's move on now to Washington, D.C,
where there is a big debate going on about gun control.
You see, Democrats say that maybe we should do something
so that there isn't a mass shooting,
like, every five minutes. (yawns)
While Republicans say,
"Come on, where's your sense of adventure? Live a little!"
But maybe Republicans are just busy with more important things.
Because if you watch conservative media right now,
you know that at this moment we are living through
one of the biggest scandals in American history.
Vice President Kamala Harris under fire for repeatedly
failing to salute the military when boarding Air Force Two.
Critics call it disgraceful that she would
break the tradition of showing respect.
And guess who appears to not support our men and women
in the armed forces-- Vice President Kamala Harris,
simply refusing to salute the military members
standing their post.
You should respect the military when they salute, salute back.
She's not a very serious person.
NEWSMAN: At least she didn't fall up the staircase here.
Uh, but Bernie, the lack of respect here, uh,
from Kamala Harris, you know,
I think is jarring for a lot of folks.
For her to walk by them
and not return their salute
is just... it's outrageous. It's outrageous.
Unbelievable.
Kamala Harris, vice president
and woman who is one strong gust of wind away
from shattering the glass ceiling,
did not return a salute.
This is outrageous and dangerous, my friends.
Because what if-- what if Cuba invaded America
and the Marines couldn't fight back because they were
still waiting for Kamala to return their salute?
I tell you who would never do this:
my man Donald Trump.
He loved the military so much that
he would salute other countries' troops.
That's respect.
Yo, but for real, though, in case you're wondering,
there's no actual rule that the vice president
or the president are supposed to return a salute.
This is just something that Ronald Reagan started,
like the crack epidemic.
And once he started, nobody wanted to be the one to stop.
You know? It's like how that one coworker in your office
started giving everyone holiday gifts.
And now you have to do it too,
or you look like an asshole.
Here's your Starbucks gift card, Sheryl.
Oh, you got me s... Oh, a Starbucks gift card.
What a good use of our time.
Now, personally, if I was a politician,
I'd be saluting all the time. Yeah. It's fun.
It's like giving a little baby dab.
Like, people, if we're honest, if Kamala Harris doesn't salute,
I don't think it's the end of the world.
In fact, if anyone is disrespecting the military,
it's the people on TV talking about the troops
like they're crybabies.
Make it seem like they're out there crying like,
"Oh, I was waiting to salute when the vice president came,
"but when she walked by, she didn't salute me.
So I saluted for nothing!"
And finally, some technology news out of Utah,
the only place where Mitt Romney is considered a renegade.
Utah has always been one of the most conservative states
in the United States.
But now they're taking it to a whole new level.
Utah is a step closer to requiring all cell phones
and tablets sold in the state to automatically block pornography
after the Republican governor signed legislation yesterday
that critics call a significant intrusion of free speech.
Governor Spencer Cox said the measure would send
an important message about preventing children
from accessing explicit online content.
The measure won't go into effect unless five other states
enact similar laws, a provision that was added
to address concerns that it would be difficult to implement.
That's right.
Utah's governor knows that porn
doesn't belong on phones and tablets.
It belongs on laptops, like God intended.
And, sure, it's a little bit harder to take it
into the bathroom and try to balance it on the sink,
but that's just part of the excitement.
Seriously, people, this is pointless.
Even if Utah did successfully ban cell phone porn,
it wouldn't make any difference, all right?
People are horny.
If they can't watch porn, they'll find something else
on their phone to get the job done.
"Well, the Amazon app kind of looks like a penis,
"and the Instagram app looks like a robot's butthole.
"So if I just put them together...
"Yeah, that's gonna work for me.
That's gonna work real good."
By the way, I also love
that Utah wants five other states to join them.
So, even Utah's laws are polygamous.
But good luck, man.
Good luck getting other states to ban porn.
I want to hear that sales pitch.
"Come on. Who else hates looking at naked people, huh?
Alaska, you know what I'm talking about, right?"
"Uh, I don't think so, dude.
It's pretty lonely up here."
"Wow, okay. Uh, Idaho? What about you guys?
You guys think sex is gross, am I right?"