Wrongful Death,
what is it about a wrongful death that makes it so heavy?
so disturbing?
so shocking?
Why is the death of a loved one so complicated and difficult for us to deal with?
When a death is sudden, unexpected, traumatic, preventable
and caused by a human wrongdoer, the intensity,
duration and processing of the grief is unique.
different and not normal.
A wrongful death is an unnatural end to a life.
The life was prevented from living its natural course.
When a life is wrongfully taken from us,
we and our family go through a totally unnatural change in our lives,
and as survivors,
we experience grief in a totally different way than we would feel from a natural death.
A natural death is one such as when a grandparent passes away.
They have lived a full and rich life, but the end has come.
Or a person is ill, and over time the illness takes over.
Again, this is a natural death because we all have time to deal with the impending loss.
We have time to talk to our loved ones and resolve any issues, we have time to prepare,
we understand the death.
Friends and family prepare themselves emotionally.
It is a sad situation when people find out about an impending death,
but they can begin to make adjustments.
They can talk to their loved ones, they can ask the doctors to provide more care,
they can pray,
they can tell their loved one that they were loved and will be remembered.
A wrongful death is much different than a natural death because no one is prepared for the death.
It is unexpected.
Most deaths have a sort of naturalness to them, they are expected.
When a life ends due to old age, illness, or even war,
we are able to somehow more easily cope with the loss.
A wrongful death robs us of the normal preparation time.
We are prevented from communicating with our loved ones.
There is no closure.
People are rendered helpless, powerless and out of control.
A sudden death takes the families hope of helping,
saving or rescuing their family member away from them.
A sudden wrongful death takes away the future hopes dreams
and aspirations that each person had with the loved one.
And to make the emotions even worse, is when it was a preventable death.
Like a death caused by someone needlessly violating a safety rule.
Shock, numbness and disbelief may all be present following a death,
but these feelings are more intense and last longer when the death is sudden,
unexpected and wrongful.
This type of death causes terrible grief and often times anger.
Death by a wrongdoer creates a myriad of losses.
The losses are quite complicated.
There are different losses for each friend and family of the deceased.
There are so many connections among the family members and when a member is taken suddenly,
all of the interconnections in the family change dramatically.
A death IN the family is a death OF the family.
The death of a person in a family may have a domino effect.
The death can create anger,
tension confusion and misunderstanding between the remaining family members
as they try to keep the family unit together.
Each person has to adapt and take on new roles to help fill the gap caused by their loss.
And each person will handle their loss differently.
Each one with a different time line.
Grief is usually not orderly.
Resolution of grief is a personal process that is complicated and different for each person.
Grief comes in stages.
And some stages last longer than others, some stages are repeated more than once.
Some people get stuck in one stage or another.
Grief may start with heavy physical feelings such as tightness in the chest,
hollowness of the stomach, lack of energy.
Many people undergo behavioral changes such as increased alcohol consumption,
or the need for medication to help them cope with the death.
Then some people experience cognitive problems.
A child thinks that this is just a mistake,
that their father is okay and will walk in the door any minute,
or they think this is just a bad dream and they will wake up and everything will be okay.
Some people become obsessed with the death.
Many people will experience lifestyle changes,
such as insomnia, or depression, or intense sadness,
appetite changes, social withdrawal, or hyper activity,
or working more hours to avoid coming home or thinking about their lost loved one.
Some people begin to break off relationships with others,
they may avoid going to certain places or interacting with certain friends and relatives.
A wife who has lost her husband may feel like an outcast.
She might feel that her friends have pulled away from her,
and might say that her and her husband's mutual friends
must have been his friends and not hers because they don't call or socialize with her any longer.
Grief is very complicated emotion.
It is seldom rational or orderly.
It is not a disease with a cure but instead it is a long and painful process.
Each person's grief and reaction to death is a unique and complicated one.
After a death, each survivor is faced with ambivalences and contradictions.
A bereaved wife may think that she could have prevented
the death of her husband even though there was nothing she could do.
She may be angry at herself, or she may blame others.
She may feel guilty for things that she had absolutely no control of.
These types of feelings and reactions make it even harder for them
to resolve their grief because it is combined with guilt.
What can be done to help with the grief?
How can we help move people through the stages of loss?
Obviously friends, family and faith are invaluable resources to turn to for help.
But in many cases,
it is wise to seek the professional assistance from a psychologist
or licensed mental health therapist.
It is a good idea to consider professional therapy under the circumstances
where people feel an overwhelming and prolonged sense of sadness,
or if they feel helplessness and they lack hope in their lives.
When someone's emotional difficulties make it hard for them to function from day to day,
consider getting help for them.
For example, they are unable to concentrate on assignments
and their job performance suffers as a result.
Then get them help.
If they can't seem to get things done that before was easy for them to do.
Then get them help.
When someone's actions are harmful to themselves or to others get help.
For instance, they drink too much alcohol and become overly aggressive.
These are signs that they are not dealing with the loss and grief well.
When there is a death, it is like a web of relationships that suddenly change.
For example, the wife lost her husband, but the children lost their father.
The wife grieves the loss of her chosen mate,
the children suffer the loss of their loving parent.
The daughters loss is different than the sons loss.
Each person's relationship with the other changes.
And the roles of each change.
For example, when a wife loses her husband,
she may suddenly be faced with serious anxiety issues.
The sudden and unexpected death causes a spouse to ask themselves, "what are my new roles?"
Can I raise the children alone?
Can I handle these new responsibilities?
How can I make decisions when I have never had to think about these issues before,
because my husband took care of these things.
Or when a husband loses his wife,
he may be faced with all new roles of being more of a home maker,
and take over the responsibilities that his wife used to manage for the children.
All of these changes cause an emotional response.
From feeling overwhelmed, to depressed, or outrage and anger.
The emotional impact of a wrongful death can turn a person or a whole family upside down.
If you would like more information about the emotional impacts of a wrongful death,
please watch the other videos that I have made
which discuss in more detail each of the types of difficult wrongful death cases.
Also,
I welcome you to call my office
because I will be glad to give you a free consultation to discuss any serious injury or wrongful death claim.
Thank you for watching.