- Hey guys, welcome back to my 5th annual
Christmas video that I almost never upload
in time for Christmas.
I wasn't going to do one of these this year,
I had something else I was already working on,
but then the Samsung TV Plus app that my television
defaults to, whenever I turn it on,
ended up on the Christmas movie channel.
And I kept, accidentally, watching the endings of random
terrible Christmas movies, and it made me realize
that that's the funniest part of the movie.
You have no context, no idea who anyone is
or how we got here, but you still get to see
every weird storyline resolve itself.
The first one I saw was The Search for Secret Santa,
and this is the exact moment that I jumped into,
so you have as much context going into this as I did.
- OK, bye.
(surface scratching)
(lighthearted music)
Jackson?
Are you defacing the beam?
(chuckling)
Are you defacing the beam?
I'm sorry, but that is a perfect line.
- Ah, well, yeah.
I was in the process of defacing the beam.
- Jackson, you know that property damage
between $200 and $1,000 is a first-degree misdemeanor.
- Yeah, I just needed your final approval.
- My final approval for what?
- For defacing the beam.
- Um,
well, this is a place for forever love,
and I wanted to write Sophia and Jackson
inside the heart.
- Uh.
- All right?
- Uh. - My name's Rebecca, but sure.
- Um- - Wait.
Here.
I made this for you.
- It's beautiful.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I know.
- You lifted my curse.
- There was a curse?
- Jackson, the real curse was me thinking that true love
had to be like a fairy tale, when the fact is,
real life and the real you are far better.
- Wow, that's a huge backhanded compliment, thank you.
I used to think that I would meet someone perfect,
but you taught me that my standards were way too high.
Huh?
Settling for you was the best decision I've ever made.
OK, but even after all that, you are not prepared
for the final 12 seconds of this movie.
(soft Christmas music)
(bell dinging)
Why did they choose that frame?
So at this point, I was just determined to watch
as many Christmas movie endings as I could
over the past couple weeks, and that's exactly what I did.
Up next, we've got Holiday Road Trip,
starring none other than Kristi North.
Now, when I saw that she was in this,
I assumed she must act in
a bunch of Christmas movies, right?
Because that's just what some actors do.
They find their niche, and then only do that forever.
But as far as I can tell,
this is the only other Christmas movie that this actress
has ever been in, which makes this pretty special.
So it seems like she's found herself
in a bit of a love triangle here.
- What's he- - What's he doing here?
- These two men can't stop fighting over her.
- [Davis] I need to ask you something.
- Hey, whoa, just easy, pal.
- Back off, chief, before I get all kinds of ninja on you.
And what's up with the band-aid?
Drive out of here on your face?
- Huh? - Drive out of here
on your face? - One more time?
- Drive out of here on your face?
- Drive at her on your face?
- Drive out of here on your face?
- Hey, go ahead and comment down below
what the fuck you think that guy just said,
because I don't know.
It seems like they're pretty deep into this love triangle,
because both of these men propose to her,
and they're both really good at it, too.
- We should get married.
- Give me your hand.
- I have feelings for Kristi North.
Who's she gonna choose?
Is it gonna be the guy covered in bruises,
who was repulsed by the way she decorated her home?
- I had no idea that you lived like this.
- No, it's the other guy, who seems normal.
(soft music)
(dog whining)
Wow, the dog is not happy about this.
(dog barking)
Relax, boy, it's fine.
Well, that seemed like a pretty standard
Christmas movie ending.
I'm sure they're not gonna just throw in
something insane, right?
(marching band music)
What?
That might be some of the worst Photoshop
I've ever seen in a movie.
So far.
Another movie I really loved
was 2nd Chance for Christmas.
Not a single character in this one
seems to act like a normal human being.
- Mom?
Dad?
- Did you hear that?
Sounds like there's a voice in our home.
Should we turn around and look?
Nah, who's got the time?
- Cherry bear!
- But I especially loved going into it during this scene,
which is very funny out of context.
- I have an idea, and I need your guys' help.
It's gonna sound a little crazy.
(distant siren wailing)
- Cuts to them in, like, full body cast.
Well, that didn't go as planned.
(Seinfeld music playing) (audience laughing)
- Excuse me, where's Mrs. Barnes' room?
- Are you friend or family?
- Hello, sorry, I'm very busy.
I can't look up right now.
- Oh, you just missed visiting hours.
It's family only.
Oh my gosh.
You're Chance Love.
- Yeah, in the flesh.
- Yeah, I brought my flesh with me.
- Look, is there any way that you could sneak me
into my friend's room?
I mean, it is Christmas.
- Come on, there's no rules on Christmas.
- You're not supposed to.
But I'm happy to make an exception this time.
- Chance,
what are you doing here?
- Chance, you brought your flesh.
- Ryan, I asked, am I interrupting?
- Oh, I don't know.
Is she?
Fuck, I hadn't thought about it.
I don't think she's interrupting,
but how do we know for sure?
- All of your mom's bills are paid for.
- Thank you.
♪ I remember ♪
- Aw, she sang a song.
(acoustic guitar playing)
- Is that Jerry?
♪ They ♪
- Why is Jerry from Parks and Rec
smoking a cigar in this hospital?
- It's the ketchups, it's the mayos, it's the relishes.
(overlapping chatter)
- Oh, they were ghosts.
Now I understand.
Turns out even when you only watch six minutes
of a movie, it can still be boring as hell.
I had really high hopes for Cowboy Christmas,
but that shit almost put me to sleep.
(door closing)
- Hey.
- Sorry you walked in on me kissing a horse.
And now that my hat's off,
we can talk about Hats Off to Christmas.
- What's your biggest Christmas wish?
- My first one is actually for my mom.
I want her to get back together with her boyfriend.
- Oh.
Uh, that's not really something Santa can do.
- I didn't realize your mother had a boyfriend, Scott.
- Well, she never actually really called him that.
But if you love someone,
doesn't that just make them your boyfriend?
- You know, I never thought about it like that,
but he's right.
Hey Amanda, you're my boyfriend now.
- Tell me, what's your Christmas wish?
- Well, I'm not really sure if you can grant my second wish.
- He's not gonna wish for what I think he is, is he?
(dramatic theme music)
(inspirational music)
- What?
(Santa chuckling)
- Wow, I guess science is no competition
for the magic of Christmas.
(lighthearted music)
Oh my God, she just pulled Santa's beard off!
All right, well, let's mix it up a little bit
and talk about one of my favorite sub-genres
of Christmas movies.
Dog Christmas movies.
In fact, right on YouTube.com,
you've got The Dog Who Saved Christmas,
The Dog Who Saved Christmas Vacation,
and The Dog Who Saved the Holidays.
Oh, they're including other holidays in this one?
No, that's just another word for Christmas.
So we enter this one on two bad guys who are trying
to hunt some dogs, but then they get hit in the head
by the guys they work for,
even though it seems like they were doing their job.
As you can see, their boss is very Italian.
- This thing is a fugazee!
- And since the tree topper they stole
turned out to be a fake, the Italian guy
decides to cut off their thumbs.
- Guess we're gonna have to settle for their thumbs.
I'll get a pretty penny for them on the black market.
- Who is buying thumbs on the black market?
Man, I know what I'll be wishing for this Christmas.
Don't worry guys, I didn't actually lose my thumbs.
Just a little bit of movie magic here.
- Hold on!
- Aw, he's saying goodbye.
- No! - No!
- [Drew] Timber!
Whoo-hoo!
- Watch out!
- Oh my God, they're dead from that.
The dogs are murderers.
- Booyah!
- [Officer] Is that who I think it is?
- That's Tony Rowe, the infamous loan shark.
- He was hiding under this tree.
- We frisked them good.
They're clean, thanks to these dogs.
- The dogs?
- Oh, you know, four legs, tail.
I've never seen a person with a tail.
They're not, they're animals.
All right, now you're just making shit up.
Next one that caught my attention
was Dognapped Hound for the Holidays?
And I entered the movie during a scene
where it seems like
the main characters are trying to prove
that they didn't kidnap the dog, who we know from the title,
but no one believes them until they present their evidence.
- If that's not enough, roll em.
- Roll that flash drive.
And then just hit any button in the middle of the remote
and the video will start playing.
- Thanks for the summer collection designs.
I've always hated stealing your work,
but your designs are just so much better than mine.
- Good thing they've got this HD security footage
of the criminals admitting how and why
they committed the crime, otherwise they'd be screwed.
- Everybody,
put your hands up!
- Whoa, what the fuck?
- And don't even think about trying to stop me
if you really care about what happens to this dog.
(dog barking) Ow!
The dog bit me!
- All right, that's it, come on.
- Wait, there was a cop there the whole time?
There were two cops.
What, were they just waiting for the dog to save the day?
- I've always known that your sketches
were the driving force behind the product line.
How would you like to be the new face
of the brand going forward?
- The face of the brand?
- Yes, she got the job at the company.
I'm so proud of her.
- It's been a crazy week and an even crazier night.
- Yeah, someone brought a gun.
- Looks like you have a new job and a new dog.
(dog whining)
- I guess I owe you a reward for helping me find him.
- Sex?
- $75 and a Christmas wish, I believe.
- [Drew] That's not sex.
- And like you said, never underestimate-
- The value of a Christmas wish.
- Yes, I did say that earlier in the movie, probably.
Wow, what a passionate kiss.
I like that they don't move even a little bit.
Well, I hope you've enjoyed the production value
of these movies so far
because it's only going downhill from here.
The next one I think is an original movie
made by the YouTube channel Family Central
and it's called Doggone Christmas.
- No offense, but this is the most fun I've had in years.
How are you doing there, little fella?
- He's such a cutie.
- The basketball?
- No, we just sit back and wait for them
to make the next move.
(banjo music)
- I know what's going on in this movie.
I don't think the dog talked in that last movie,
but he definitely does in this one.
I like that he kind of goes in and out
of doing a Trump impression.
- Trust me, guys, this is how it has to happen.
It's for the best.
- OK, I trust you.
- Me too.
- We all do.
- I'd trust you with my life.
Yeah, we'd kill someone if you wanted us to.
Now you can obviously see where this is going.
The kids are gonna get on their bicycles
and try to outrun a helicopter.
And somehow it worked.
- Goodbye, Murphy.
- Goodbye, kiddo, see ya.
I hope this works.
(dramatic theme music)
- Oh, what's going on?
- They say don't try this at home.
- The dog's gonna set off some dynamite.
Yeah, no, that makes sense.
- [Murphy] Showtime!
(explosion sounding)
- Murphy!
- That wasn't part of the plan.
- Oh, what, that was the dog's idea?
He set up that TNT all on his own?
- Are you guys OK?
- Yeah, were fine.
- What about Murphy.
- That's not a great start to Christmas Eve.
- Yeah, I'll say.
What a, like, nonchalant thing to say
when their dog just died in front of them.
Sorry about that, kids.
But you know how Mondays can be.
- Well, looks like that does it for the month.
- Seems so.
- Looks like there's nothing left for us to do
but pack up and clear out of this one-horse town.
- Looks like we've accomplished our mission.
Can you talk normally for five minutes?
- Who's ready for some hot chocolate?
- Not really in the mood, Dad.
Our dog just exploded.
- I can't possibly drink all this hot chocolate by myself.
I mean, I could try to drink it all by myself.
Let's see.
- Oh, you don't have to.
- Yeah, that's a lot of hot chocolate.
- No one forced you to do that.
- Mr. Gernsbeck, after hearing of your recent departure
from Galaxy, we'd like to know if you'd be at all interested
in the position of lead developer here
at Smart House Toys.
I got the job!
This is the best Christmas ever.
- The best Christmas ever?
(explosion sounding)
- It couldn't possibly get any better.
(door knocking)
Murphy?
- Murphy! - Murphy!
- Yay, he didn't explode!
We were so sure that he did!
(lighthearted music)
But it's not the end.
Because they wrote an original song.
♪ Doggone Christmas ♪
♪ Help is on the way. ♪
(clapping)
- That guy's name is Johnny Roast Beef Santori?
Courtesy of Egg Records?
This movie's not real.
But alas, it is real.
And it's not the only film in the Doggone Saga.
Let's see how Doggone Adventure ends.
(lighthearted music)
- Watch this, guys!
Whoo!
- Oh, they really amped up the special effects in this one.
(dramatic theme music)
Awesome job, guys, it looks really good.
- They're catching up!
- What do I do?
- Oh boy, their backs are up against the wall now.
How do you think they'll get out of this one?
(game show music)
Remember to smash that like button to lock in your answer.
(game show music)
All right, let's find out.
(dramatic theme music)
- [Robot] Malfunction.
Malfunction.
(dramatic theme music)
- It was deep.
It was deep.
And then they got rid of the other one
by creating an intersection that she had to stop at.
(bell dinging)
(engine winding down)
(bells ringing)
(sirens wailing)
I'll say it, that's actually really fun.
I really like how this production company
went from a pretty simple dog Christmas movie
to one that is entirely reliant on special effects.
Like, yeah, it looks like shit,
but this is probably done by one guy,
and it took him forever.
- I'm gonna miss you, Murph.
- Bye, guys. - Goodbye, Murphy.
(somber music)
- Man, that ending left me with a lot of questions
that probably would have been answered if I had watched
the rest of the movie, but I already decided
that that's not what this video is.
Anyway, once I started watching these Family Central movies,
I couldn't stop.
The production value here is just unmatched.
The next one was Christmas Staycation.
(children chattering while playing table soccer)
- Matt, can you make a fire, please?
- Is that guy dead?
- [Matt's Partner] Matt.
- What?
All right, I'll do it.
Me too.
- Definitely seems like he could have just
walked around them.
That's kind of rude.
(Matt mumbling)
(man screaming)
(Matt screaming)
- I'm stuck in the chimney!
- Is a guy up there?
- Mr. Madison, what are you doing up there?
- Get me the hell out of here,
and then we can play 20 questions.
- You feeling better, Grandpa?
- Oh, me?
Sure, sure.
Takes a lot more than that
to knock your old grandpa off his game.
- Oh, I get stuck in chimneys all the time.
- I still love you, Grandpa.
- I would hope so.
- What was that?
- What?
- That noise from the basement.
That whining, barking sound.
- [Granddaughter] A puppy, I got a puppy!
- [Character] I don't believe this!
- Yeah, your grandpa left you a puppy down in the basement
two weeks ago, actually.
Probably should have left him some food.
- We can't just buy her a dog without our permission.
- Unbelievable.
- You had a dog when you were a kid?
Every kid should have a dog.
- [Drew] Someone gonna pick that tree up?
This next one's called Christmas Coupon,
and I like that in what seems to be
one of the most important scenes of the movie.
It sounds like the entire audio was recorded after the fact.
(soft music)
- Oh hey, Pastor Chris.
What are you doing here?
- Hello, Doctor, how is your day going?
- I'm so sorry.
Leaving you was the biggest mistake I've ever made.
It should have never happened.
- I didn't edit this, all right?
This is exactly how the movie looks and sounds.
(character chuckling)
(both characters chuckling)
Well, I think that's enough Christmas for one year.
After all, it is December 27th.
I guess what I'm most disappointed by
is that none of these movies touched
on the true meaning of Christmas.
Getting people to buy products.
Let's cut to a commercial.
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Thank you so much for watching today's video,
and hanging out with me on Christmas.
Now, some people might say that I uploaded this video
too late for Christmas because it already happened.
But what they don't realize
is I'm actually just really early for next year's Christmas.
So I'm actually a really good YouTuber.
All right, everyone, have a great day.