- Have you ever been rejected for a job
that you thought you were absolutely perfect for?
You were so excited about it.
You thought this is my ideal situation, this is perfect
and then they rejected you or they didn't get back to you?
If you've ever felt that pain and disappointment
of having something like that happen,
keep watching 'cause I'm gonna explain to you exactly
how to get over that
and give you a new perspective, so stay tuned.
(light electronic music)
So first of all,
I know you think you were perfect for this job.
I know you were super, super excited about it,
but I want you to ask yourself one question,
do you really wanna work for a company
that doesn't want to hire you and you might say,
yes, I really did, but I want you to ask why?
Why did you wanna work for a company
that didn't wanna hire you?
You don't actually. (laughs)
So answer that question,
'cause if they didn't wanna hire you,
you don't wanna work for them.
If you still think you did, just keep asking yourself why?
Second thing is when you continue to go down that path
of being really disappointed about it,
you are essentially wasting your want, okay.
So it's called wasting your want.
You have the ability to want whatever you want, right.
You can decide to continue to want that
and be disappointed about it or you can decide
that you actually wanna work for a company
that actually wants to hire you and the problem
when you waste your want on someone or some company
that doesn't want you, is then you lose sight
of all the places that do want you
and you're not putting yourself out there
to actually reach them.
At least when you're putting yourself out there more,
you are opening up possibilities, right.
So you're opening up question marks
as to potentially these other organizations
do wanna hire you.
Potentially, they're very excited to,
but when you're wasting your want on the one
that we know doesn't want to.
So maybe they've already sent you an email
and they've said sorry, we've gone with somebody else
or maybe they haven't responded to you at all
and you continue to stay hung up on them,
continue to give them your mental energy,
continue to think about them,
continue to followup with them,
that is essentially wasting your want on a company
that doesn't want you and therefore, you're missing out
on all of the other opportunities.
Because they have already said no.
Either with their actions or with their words
or whatever they did, they have already said no,
you're not the person for us, right.
So you already know that's a no, but you're continuing on.
Either focusing with your mind
or by actually spending time trying to follow up with them
or figure out what's going on and you wanna actually
just put your want into the companies
that might wanna hire you because I guarantee you,
there is one and when you're focusing on the one
that doesn't want you,
you're going to miss the one that does.
So when you're wasting your want,
you're actually being counterintuitive to your end result.
So when you're spending more time on the company
that doesn't want you, there showing you with their actions
that you're not their priority right now.
So if you think about what your end goal is,
it's going to be to get that dream job in the organization
that wants to hire you that you love.
So if you don't have an offer from them,
you're wasting your want and you don't want to invest
any more time in that particular opportunity.
So the next point is that you need to understand
that you need to let go of control of the situation, okay.
So quite often when you're in that state of wanting
to follow up, wanting to know what's going on,
needing to know, like I get a lot of questions like this.
they're like, okay, how should I follow up?
What does this mean?
This is when I followed up and they haven't responded yet,
what should I do?
So this is all trying to control the situation
and when you start to try to control the situation,
you start to take actions that are counterproductive
to what you want, right.
So there's no way you could control the situation anyway,
so you just have to accept the fact
that their actions are spelling something out for you
and you need to learn to identify what those actions
or lack of actions mean and become aware of the fact
that you want to release attachment to the situation, okay.
So whatever they're gonna do they're gonna do
and you just need to be very good at interpreting the fact
that if they're not responding, that just means you need
to focus your energy elsewhere.
So I like this metaphor
of say you're climbing up a mountain, right,
and you stop and you're talking to somebody
and they're telling you that they are going
to give you a ride to the top, right,
but that the ride may or may not get there,
but you know you need to get to the top, right.
You are motivated to get to the top of that mountain
and you've stopped and met someone and they've said yeah,
I've got a ride coming, right.
Are you gonna stop and wait for the ride
for an undetermined amount of time
or are you gonna keep walking?
So if you continue walking,
that's completely within your control.
If you stop and wait for a ride that may or may not come
from this person that you met, then you don't have control
over how fast you get to the top, right?
This is kind of how I see it.
If you wanna take back the control,
then you just wanna move back into the driver's seat
and if someone's not responding to you,
even if you were really excited, the trick is
to just understand okay, I'm not a priority
to them right now.
I don't have time for waiting around.
I'm gonna continue to move on, right.
So I'm gonna continue to climb the mountain on my own.
I'm not gonna sit here and wait for a ride
that may or may not come and we all know
that that doesn't work out very well for us normally, right
and it's not a very good feeling so we want
to understand that we can't control
whether or not that ride is coming or not
and we can control whether we keep walking or not.
so funny thing is we normally think
that if we call them more,
then the ride will come faster, right.
We're like, oh well, if we just call them again,
if we just email them again.
If we just tell them that you know,
we wanna know what's going on,
then that's gonna speed up the process,
but counter-intuitively, it actually doesn't.
It probably doesn't actually get them to respond faster
because they're gonna do what they're gonna do anyway.
So you think you're controlling it, but really,
you're coming from a place of needy controlling energy
and it's not actually gonna yield a different result
for you for the most part.
So there's some follow ups that you can do.
Like you wanna follow up after and then a week after,
but you don't wanna be constantly following up more
because that's actually not gonna change the result
and it could make it worse and the thing that we're failing
to see in these circumstances when we think
that if we just phone them
then we'll get the information we need
is we're not paying attention to the fact
that they're not calling us, right.
So ask yourself why haven't they called you yet?
Why haven't they emailed you yet?
There's a reason, right and you reaching out to them
more and more isn't going to change that reason.
Stop wishing that they would respond.
So a lot of people say to me like,
I wish they would just give me the courtesy of an answer.
Why can't they just respond and just tell me
and they get emotional and kind of irritated
that they don't get a response, right.
A lot of the time it's like,
they didn't even have the dignity to respond
and let me know that I didn't get the job, right.
I do get where you're coming from on that,
however by not responding, they are telling you something.
They are communicating in a way
that you have not been successful in that opportunity.
A lot of the times they don't respond
and that is a common complaint that I get is
that companies just don't reply back
and they don't let everybody know
that they didn't get the opening.
That happens a lot, right.
Companies don't have time to email everybody
or they don't have a process to do that
and whether or not that's right or wrong,
it doesn't really matter to you
because when they don't respond, you can take that
as the communication of you didn't get it
and you don't wanna waste any more time on that
and I'll tell you from an HR person's perspective,
it's not very fun to reject candidates, okay.
We don't like to do it.
Sometimes we have to be very careful
with the wording for legal reasons.
Sometimes we don't want to
because they've invested a lot of time.
It's not a fun thing to do to reject another human being.
So I want to introduce the fact
that maybe you don't need that spelled out letter
saying you didn't get it.
Maybe you can just accept the fact that you didn't get it
which means that that's your answer.
You don't really need the response.
You just need to know it's time to move forward.
so with some of my clients,
I find they would like the company
to prove them wrong, right.
So they haven't received a response and I say,
well why haven't you moved on yet?
And they're like, well,
I'm still hoping they're gonna prove me wrong.
Like I'm still hoping they are gonna come through.
We wanna stop that, right,
'cause the reason they haven't done it,
we don't need to know, they just haven't done it, right.
So basically where I'm leading you is moving on is going
to be your best, best option, always.
You want to focus on the companies that want to hire you now
and you can't do that when you are hung up
on any of the things that I've talked about
so far in the video.
You'll never get enough of something
that you don't really want.
So you might think right now you were so excited
about that job, you wanted it so badly.
It was so perfect for you, but when that happens,
you have the urge to reach out,
ask why you have all these thoughts and feelings
about why didn't you get it, it was so perfect for you.
Like why didn't work out?
And doing that is never actually going to solve your problem
because the thing you need to realize is
you didn't really want it in the first place, okay.
You think you did, but you didn't
because it's like cupcakes, right.
So cupcakes or cookies or something that, or a cigarettes
or a drink or something
that you think is gonna solve your problem.
What you're really after is a feeling
and there aren't enough cupcakes in the world
or enough cookies or enough alcohol
to actually solve the problem
because after you consume that,
after you get it the feeling goes back, right.
So even if you got the job and they did not want you there,
but you got it, you wouldn't get the feeling that you wanted
because they didn't actually wanna hire you, right.
So say it's like they they were forced to hire you.
They had to and then how do you think that would go?
It wouldn't be very pleasant.
It wouldn't be what you actually want, right
because you actually wanna work for somewhere
that actually is excited to hire you.
So you can't get enough of something
you actually don't want.
So you really actually wanna feel something
and you're never gonna get that feeling solved
by following up again and again and again and again.
So people think oh, if I just called them and explained.
If I just call them and ask them why.
If I just call them and tell them
what it is that they missed, right.
They think that that's going to help,
but it's counterproductive behavior and again,
instead of that, you need to be moving on.
You need to skip that thought process and just move on
to the places that actually do wanna hire you.
It's not actually about them rejecting you,
it's actually about you rejecting them.
As I mentioned in the beginning,
you need to get really clear on the fact
that you don't wanna work for some organization
that doesn't want to hire you.
So you get to reject to them.
You get to say well if you don't want me,
then I don't want you.
What you really want is to work for like this version
of the company that you created in your mind.
The version that wants to hire you,
but that's not a real version.
If they haven't given you the job offer,
if they're not excited to offer you what you want,
then that's not the company you wanna work for.
You've created this ideal version in your head,
but you don't wanna work for them.
So just remember, it's not about them rejecting you,
it's about you rejecting them.
So we can get excited
about what the organization could provide,
what this job could be like for us.
We can get excited about that,
but that's just something that we've created in our mind
because we haven't got it yet
and so when we create that in our mind,
then we become disappointed
and that's when we have those feelings of feeling rejected,
right, but since we don't have those facts yet
because we haven't worked there,
you can preemptively reject them and just say well,
if they don't want hire me,
then I don't wanna work for them, right.
And that is a much more powerful place to come from
and I've had calls with clients where they say,
but I really do want it.
I really do want that job,
even though they don't wanna hire me
and I just keep on asking them why?
Why do you want it?
So ask yourself why do you wanna work for somewhere
that doesn't wanna hire you?
You don't, trust me my friend, you don't
and last thing I wanna say is don't make it
into something that it's not, right.
A lot of people will take the rejection super personally
and say it's about them and conjure up
all the thoughts about them, right.
Like oh, I did something wrong.
I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough.
I don't have the skills, I don't have the qualifications.
I blew it, I'm never going to get it.
So this is a thought pattern
that our brain will take us down
and don't make it mean something it's not.
It's not necessary and it doesn't serve you in any way.
Simple thought, I don't wanna work for an organization
that doesn't want to hire me
and not all of them are gonna wanna hire me and that's okay.
I only need one and I'm gonna focus my time
and effort on finding that one.
If you'd like more help from me,
I have a workshop called How to get any job you want.
You can click the link below to grab that.
So we talked about
how to generate those endless opportunities
so that you don't have to worry about
where your next opportunity is coming from,
so you don't have to waste time on anybody
or any organization that doesn't want you.
We're gonna talk about how to crush your interviews,
how to get those job offers through storytelling,
through communicating your value,
how really knowing what your value is
and how to efficiently communicate it to your interviewers.
We're gonna talk about mastering salary negotiation
and how to have that conversation really confidently
and we're going to talk about how to set up your promotion
and set up your five to 10 year plan
for the rest of your career
or however long you have to work.
So thank you so much for watching.
Please click the link to get that below.
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and I will see you in the next video.