Welcome back to my dark corner of this sick world.
'Hope this doesn't take all night.'
We're looking at "The Monster That Challenged the World."
And let's make one thing clear right from the off.
This is an above average 1950s giant Monster movie.
'Did Mars finally invade us?'
The performances aren't that bad.
'Sounds fine to me.'
It's not quite a sexist as normal.
'Just consider me a piece of furniture.'
And the monster is actually quite monstrous
All in all it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
Which is exactly how easy it is to kill.
'A problem?'
The problem is the title.
'I don't understand.'
This monster does not challenge the world.
'What are you talking about?'
It briefly troubles Southern California Naval intelligence...
But that's it.
'Oh sure. I might've known.'
There's more than one monster.
'The number of shells in these photographs I'd say that there at least 10 of these giant creatures.'
And yet between them, they only managed to kill nine people.
Along with...
'I just got a report a farmer 15 miles from here found two of his cattle dead.'
I'm not saying the lives of nine people and two cows aren't important, but
Would we really call it challenging the world?
'In this case I don't think so.'
Although to be honest given their mobility on land
I'm amazed they managed to kill that many
Of course there's also the eggs.
'The most important job is to find all its eggs.'
and tracking these down for a network of Rivers,
canals and Indian wells is a logistical nightmare.
'Yes, lot 23 okay.'
'23'
But when one uses the word nightmare in the context of a horror film,
one does not expect to preface it with the word logistical.
'You know you're really much too serious.'
The monster isn't challenging the world to a math contest
'Just plain foolishness.'
So the movie has been forced to come up with unlikely ways to increase the stakes
'I can't think of a thing.'
One of the eggs has been taken back to the lab.
'The temperature has just low enough to keep it from hatching.'
#As long as this knob is set so that the temperature remains constant there'll be no problem.'
Are you familiar with the word "foreshadowing"?
If you have the egg of a monster that can challenge the world, maybe keep it guarded.
Fortunately for the idiot girl and her mother they are rescued by the man who killed the first monster.
Although he seems to have forgotten how easy that was.
It's not a fire.
Are the navy the only people in America who don't have guns?
There we go.
On the bright side we do get to see how in 1950s man comforts a woman on the death of her husband.
'Do you like a cigarette?'
Smooth.
What movies have you seen in which monsters are let down by over ambitious titles?
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