Purification of the lower self is one thing and the shattering of the ego is another.
Now, one time...
How is Ego Demolished?
How is ego demolished?
Purification of the lower self is one thing and the shattering of the ego is another.
Now, one day, His Divine Eminence told me to close the door of Their bedroom,
and the Lord instructed, 'I shall not meet anyone now. Do not let anyone come upstairs'.
Now, this was in my house.
I only say this to explain it to you, otherwise, everything belongs to Them.
But for the purpose of explanation, [this incident occurred] at my residence.
His Divine Eminence was resting upstairs in Their bedroom.
I call it resting but actually, the Lord was spiritually engaged.
Now, as per the Lord's instructions, I barred Their door by sitting on a chair in front of it.
In the meanwhile, Zafar, who would frequently come to my house, arrived and asked around about me.
He found out I am upstairs so he charged up the stairs.
He came upstairs and said, 'I need to meet Sarkar'. I said, 'Sarkar said They are not meeting anyone now, They are resting'.
He said, 'No, I will meet Them'. I reiterated, 'Sarkar has not permitted it'.
But he was persistent.
He was inching forward to go past me but I told him to stop.
He didn't stop so I had to use force and hold him back.
Try as he might, he was unable to move past me.
So, he caused a ruckus.
I covered his mouth with my hand and said, 'Don't make noise. You will disturb Sarkar'.
But he was adamant.
When he just would not stop, I grabbed him and dragged him downstairs.
He tried to run back upstairs.
I warned him not to do that again or else...
His Divine Eminence was watching everything from the landing upstairs.
[Zafar then left my house] and called His Divine Eminence to say, 'I will not be returning to meet you'...
His Divine Eminence then called me upstairs.
The Lord said, 'Go and apologise to Zafar'.
I said, 'Yes, Master'.
Then the Lord said, 'Apologise to him and do whatever he tells you'.
'And do exactly as he says'.
I said, 'Yes, Master'.
He [Zafar] then took me and a couple of others to Victoria Casino in Central London.
And there was a dog urinating on the street [outside the casino].
He [Zafar] sticks his foot out and says, 'Rub your nose on this'.
'On this dog piss'.
Then, he told me to bow to him.
'And beg me to forgive you'.
I rubbed my nose [on the ground], placed my forehead at his feet.
I did it three or four times.
He emphatically said, ‘See! I have been exonerated! You dared to face me?!’
When this happened, I felt as though something shattered inside me.
In the beginning, it felt as though I had lost my self-respect...
as though I had no honour nor dignity in the society.
That is how I felt.
And [I] no longer feel the lower-self brewing [its mischief]
It felt as though everything had become numb.
The raging waves of turmoil my lower self was under were calmed by this one incident.
Like Ghalib says that 'heart along with its desires might have got burnt the same way as the body (burnt in pain), now what is the use of searching for any leftover ambitions?'
It felt as though my heart has burnt to ashes.
Now, it doesn't phase me if someone is insulting me
or swearing at me or slandering me or this or that.
My lower self had gained stability.
Even if someone gossips about another person, it makes no difference to me.
His Divine Eminence actually mentioned this incident.
The Lord asked, 'So, how did it feel when he made you rub your nose on the ground?'
I had not disclosed anything to the Lord.
I implored, ‘Lord, I was concerned about only one thing at that moment, that I do as you instructed me to
and so I didn't have another thought.
I didn't care about what I was doing.
I had no other thought.
At that moment, all I thought about...
I even said this to His Divine Eminence.
'Master, I could only remember that I must do as you said'.
'I would do absolutely anything you ask me to do'.
His Divine Eminence asked, 'What happened after that?"
I replied, 'Master, it felt as though something broke within me'.
The Lord said, 'Yes, that's right...it was the idol of your ego'.
Because the ego compels you to think, 'why am I the only one being told to degrage myself for the process of purification?'
If such a thought occurs, it means your ego is strong.
Your children and your wealth strengthen your ego.
Whereas, the name of God [synchronised in you heartbeats] weakens your ego.
It is the spiritual attention of the Sufi Master that demolishes the idol of your ego.
So, I rubbed my nose on the ground, bowed my head at the feet of a man...
a wretched man.
But a few months later, His Divine Eminence said about that man, 'That's it. Now I am certain [about him]. Do not let him come near me again'.
Before this, he [Zafar] was the one in charge of English translations.
However, after that day, the Lord declared, 'I do not approve of his translations'.
'I want you to translate in English now'.
I said, 'Lord, I do not know English'.
'It doesn't matter, do the best you can. I would still prefer your wrong translations'.
'Even if what you write is incorrect, I would still like it'.
His Divine Eminence had a Rolls Royce and one day, the Lord was driving when suddenly someone came right in front of the car
so the Lord applied the brakes to save the person but that caused an accident [from behind].
Now, the car was sent to be repaired, so His Divine Eminence did not have a car.
I had a really old car, a Honda Accord.
It was white. I bought it for £500.
I couldn't even have imagined offering His Divine Eminence a ride in my car.
And of course, Zafar had a better car.
When His Divine Eminence's car was sent for repairs, he brought his car and parked it outside my residence.
He wanted to make sure the Lord used his car every day.
The following day, when the Lord decided to go out,
and his [Zafar's] car was out front and the Lord asked, 'Why have you allowed a stranger to park his car in your driveway?'
Do you know what They said then? 'This is my house...'
This is how They said it.
'I do not want to see any stranger's car parked outside my house'.
Then the Lord asked me, 'Where is your car?'
I said, 'Master, it is in the back but it is not worthy of you'.
'It is an old car'.
The Lord said, 'It may be old but it belongs to us'.
They said, 'So what if it's old?'
'But it is ous'.
I was laughing and tears were falling from my eyes at the same time.
I ran to bring the car around.
And His Divine Eminence sat inside.