Do you have a narcissist in your life that you want to say no to,
and they just make it almost impossible?
By the end of this video, you're going to know how to say no to that narcissist. So stay tuned.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and the best-selling author of the books Negotiate Like
You M.A.T.T.E.R. and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide, and I've helped thousands of
people go from lives of drama, trauma, chaos, and craziness, and I've helped them cross all the way
over into brand new lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose. And that's what I do for you
right here on this channel. So make sure that you hit that subscribe button, hit that notification
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So let's talk about how to say no. Just say no to that narcissist. So no is the single word
that narcissists never want to hear. They want to believe that they have full power over you, full
Svengali, magical abilities to get you to do whatever they want you to do.
They play these Jedi mind tricks, but they're not Jedi, they're more like Darth Vader,
to try to make you think that you have to do whatever it is that they want you to do.
So the first way that you can start thinking about how to say no to that narcissist is by starting to
understand what it is that stops you from wanting to say no to them. Is it that you're afraid?
Is it that you're intimidated? Is it that you're thinking that there's going to be some sort of
backlash? Is it that they are saying that they're going to expose you? Is it that they're saying
that they're going to withhold affection from you, withhold sex? Is it that they're going to make you
feel bad? That they just have such a tantrum that you are going to have to deal with it? And so you
just think to yourself, "You know what? I don't want to have to deal with their tantrum." Or maybe
you're afraid that there's going to be anger, or some kind of retribution. And so what is it that
stops you from being okay with just saying no to something you don't want to do for a narcissist?
For some people, it really is just that you're an empath. And you don't want to say no because
you don't want them to feel bad because you don't want them to think that you're not there for them.
It's nice to be needed. It's nice to feel wanted. Sometimes you don't say no because you think that
they're finally going to appreciate you. They're going to see all of the things that you're
doing for them. I know with a couple of covert narcissists that I had to deal with in my life,
I found myself doing, doing, doing for them all the time because I thought I was being a kind
person. I thought I was being a generous person. I thought that I was doing the right thing. So maybe
that's part of the reason why you don't say no. I mean, sometimes, for me, what I found was I
didn't want to rock the boat. I just felt like, "You know what? It's just easier. It's easier
to do what I don't necessarily want to do, or more than what I think that I should be doing
than have to deal with whatever it is that I'm going to have to deal with on the other side with
them." And what happens is, when you do that, is that they expect more and more and more and more,
and you never end up getting that validation that you think that you're going to get.
And I've spoken to thousands of people all over the world, you guys here, my community,
this channel. I have viewers from literally every continent in almost every country in
the entire world. And so I've spoken to enough of you to know that this is a universal thing.
They often target empaths, and empaths are people who feel very deeply for people,
who have a lot of compassion, who have a lot of empathy for people. And they like empaths because
they can get you to do things for them. They know that you're going to have a hard time saying no.
The other issue is that maybe you just want to be nice. I think that maybe this could be more of a
female issue. I'm not really sure. But I know that a lot of men struggle too with
being people-pleasers. And maybe you're just a people-pleaser in general. You don't want
people to not like you. You don't want to be the one who's not going along with things.
I heard Oprah speak one time, and she was talking about how she didn't say no to somebody
with something that she didn't want to necessarily do because she didn't want people to think that
she wasn't nice. And she relayed the conversation by saying that she had told her boyfriend,
Stedman, about that. And Stedman said, "Are you nice? I don't think you're nice." He said,
"I think you are a kind person, a generous person, but you're not nice. What does nice even mean?"
So when you start to think about it in terms like that, you start to realize, "Well,
maybe I don't necessarily want to be nice." You can be kind, you can be generous, but on your
own terms. So throw away this whole notion of you don't want to look like you're not a good person.
You don't want to look like you're not kind, not generous. And we, as human beings, we like to feel
seen, heard, and know that we matter. And a lot of times, the way that we get that feeling of
feeling that we matter is by helping people. It's a good thing to help people. But not if
you're being taken advantage of. And that's the key when you're dealing with narcissists.
You're giving, giving, giving, giving. You're not getting anything in return. You're
making deposits into this bank. You never can take the money back out. And so you end up feeling
depleted. You end up feeling exhausted. And that's what they do. They are energy vampires. And if you
want to know more about what an energy vampire is, definitely check out my video on energy vampires.
Because that's what they do. They literally suck the life out of you until you feel like your soul
is gone, tired. They steal your soul. I know, I've been there. I've had to deal with them myself.
And I know exactly where you are and how it feels. And so how do you start getting your life back?
How do you start getting to a place where you start to feel okay about saying no?
And just little bits of saying no will start to help you. So my recommendation to you to start
feeling that power is saying no, just to even little things. Like, "Empty the dishwasher."
"No, that was supposed to be your job. You can empty the dishwasher.
I'm going to bed." Just little teeny things that will start to make you feel empowered,
and you'll start to get your confidence back, and you'll start to feel like yourself again.
Little baby steps. The longest walk just starts with the first step. And that's what you're doing.
So the first thing I want to say to you is just say no. So if you are listening to me, I want to
see a just say no in the comments, because that tells me that that's what you're going to start
to do. You're going to start to just say no. And then the second thing that you're going to do,
once you've started to say no, is you're going to stick to your boundaries. You're going to
stick to your gut and you're going to stay the course. Sometimes it's going to be hard.
Sometimes you will stumble. Sometimes you will go back on your word and you'll go ahead and give in.
Don't beat yourself up over it. Every day is a new day. Every moment is a new moment. Just the what
if game, the regret game, the I shouldn't have, woulda, coulda, shoulda, forget it. Skip that.
Just go, "Okay, in this moment, I'm going to stick to my guns. In this moment,
that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to look forward. I'm going to keep walking.
I'm going to say no to this particular thing. I'm going to create these boundaries. And once
I create these boundaries, those boundaries are going to be steel. I'm not pulling them back a
little bit. I'm not making them flexible in any way. I'm going to just keep on going with them."
And once you start those little milestones of saying no and creating boundaries,
then you'll start to realize that the narcissist is not as powerful as you
think that he or she is. That narcissist is actually the most scared little person on the
planet. That's the not so secret secret. So just start saying no, little bits, little baby steps,
and then stick to your boundaries. If you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist,
and this is one of the most important things to do when you're negotiating with a narcissist
is creating boundaries and starting to create that strategy and that leverage,
come and grab my free Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet at winmynegotiation.com.
And if you liked this video, give me a like, share it so that other people can
get this information. It's so critical. There's so many narcissists out there. Make sure that
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group called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung. And we'll drop links to all this stuff
below. I'm so glad that you stopped by my channel today. Remember,
today's a great day to start negotiating your best life. I'll see you in the next video.