Shilpa: Hi I'm Shilpa
Sammi: Hi I'm Sammi
Shilpa: And today we're talking about abuse in relationships
Shilpa: SO how do you know when you're in an abusive relationship?
Sammi: I think it's when you feel really uncomfortable in the relationship, when you feel really
smothered, and a lot of the time it can go from more emotional negative feelings to a
physical abuse, and even sexual abuse as well.
Shilpa: Can you tell me a bit about your understanding of emotional abuse
Sammi: I think that's where I first noticed that it was becoming something more not normal
with emotional abuse. Especially if you're quite an isolated couple, which I think that
I probably was. A lot of it starts with kind of controlling behaviour and a lot of the
time it can go from really really small things and then build up.
Shilpa: Controlling, that can be things like checking your text messages, and your phone,
and
Sammi: Yeah, just things like I had things like how long are you gonna be out for exactly,
and things being hidden, and just it not being a clear and open relationship.
Shilpa; When you're being told that you're not good enough or you're not worthy and you
know you're almost being manipulated into thinking you're something less than you are.
That's a real sign that it's not something healthy.
Sammi: Yeah. That's something else isn't it, that Ifeel like argumens should kind of usually
get to a certain point and then when it gets really personal and just kind of really negative
and it'a not something more superficial about something that you're arguing about, maybe.
WHen it's becoming damaging to you, yeah. Your emotions and your personality and changing
yourself as well, because Ifeel like I changed a lot, you know over the course of a few years.
Shilpa: WHo do you think it can affect?
Sammi: Anyone. Literally anyone, um which is think is what a lot of people don't understand,
and because it's not talked about a lot as well and when it is talked about maybe it's
always the same sorts of people who talk about it, so people don't realise that their friend
or someone in their family could be going through it cus it's quite a closed subject
Shilpa: Yeah. And I think sometimes, people who maybe don'y have anyone to talk to, or
they don't see it reflected so, boys for example, maybe people don't feel like, oh, they could
be victims of physical, emotional, sexual abuse, and regardless of you know age or gender
or sexuality
Sammi: Yeah
Shilpa: And when these behaviours are happening it can be really hard if you are in love with
that person. How can that impact you?
Sammi: Yeah, it makes it a lot more difficult because you're just thinking overall I love
them and they love me, so like this must be fine, you know it's not it's just it puts
such a mask over everything, and I think that's where it's good to kind of take a step back
from the relationship and thinking about them. That's the thing as well, a lot of people
will use it against you the feeling of love, and especially if it's your first relationship
or long time relationship that you've been in you wouldn't know what it should be like
maybe, or what if they're going too far.
Shilpa: So what is physical abuse? How does that impact a relationship
Sammi: In my experience, physical abuse is when there's any kind of touching or just
anything against you physically, which doesn't, which isn't right, you know it's too harsh,
it's vicious, it hurts you basically. Anything that's hurting you is not right. You know
that's physical abuse. A lot of people as well when their partner's been drinking it
can make them start doing that and you know, in some relationships it's the drink maybe,
some it just, it just happens.
Shilpa: It is really important if someone is experiencing taht that they feel they can
tell someone. Whether that's a GP, a nurse, a trusted adult or even the police if things
have escalated. Tell us a little bit about how it could be difficult for someone to leave
a relationship like that, because I think there might be a bit of a stigma attached
to why someone wouldn't just leave if they were being physically abused
Sammi:If you're in a certain situation at home, if you can't leave where you're living,
you know if you don't have anywhere else to go, you can feel really trapped. The best
thing you can do is just tell someone, and I think there;s a big worry of being judged
as well is why a lot of people don't say anything or try to leave but at the end of the day
the only thing that can happen is something good for you
Silpa: And abuse in relationships can also be sexual as well
Sammi: Sexual abuse would be things like being touched or being made to do certain sexual
things when you're not comfortable with it. It can be being made to watch certain sexual
things, maybe online a lot of the time as well. It's lovely to be in a relationship
but like it can also be a label that can be used against you, so it doesn't really matter
if you don't feel like you want to, you're not ready to, if you're not comfortable, then
that's abuse. It's not right. You don't wanna feel in danger with someone you're supposed
to trust
Shilpa: and if someone is experiencing abuse in a relationship, it's absolutely never their
fault and it's not ok, and it is something that they can get help with. And if someone
friend had come to them and said that they were going through this but that they weren't
quite sure how to respond, is there something that would be more helpful?
Sammi: I think just try to be understanding try not to be judgemental, al all, just try
and do whatever you can to help. And if your friend is being hurt, if there is some sort
of physical abuse going on, you could offer to help take them to a doctor, or the hospital.For
me, if Maybe didn't want them to know about it at first or something, and they did go
and talk t my mum or someone about it, then that helped.
Shilpa:So I suppose one of the big things to remember, especially if you're a friend,
is to not be worried if you were wrong, be worried if you're right, if you do suspect
that someone is experiencing abuse and we just want everyone to know it's definitely
not their fault that's not part of a healthy relationship, and help is available for them.
Sammy thank you so much for coming in and talking to us and being so open and sharing
all your experience with us.Thank you. ANd we will be doing more videos as well of consent
and healthy relationships which you can check out on our YouTube channel, so until next
time, bye!