This is GTV!
This note’s for YOU!!
(proper!)
(STATIC)
Can you believe this thing exists??
There was an actual M.C.
Hammer impersonator out there and his name is M.C.
Komiya.
There is A LOT to unpack here, so you want to stick around, it’s going to be a fun
ride.
(STATIC)
I was actually a fan of M.C.
Hammer aka Stanley Burrel as far back as the summer of 1990 when U Can’t Touch This became
a massive hit and M.C.
Hammer, pants and all, became all the rage.
Even though fuzz pop has always been my favorite genre, I stood by M.C.
Hammer through his ups and downs as each album was released over the course of his career!
YES REALLY!?
Why?
Well, there’s one reason and it’s a personal one.
M.C.
Hammer, much like me, wore glasses.
And he really wasn’t ashamed of it.
That he could pull off all those funky dance moves while keeping those specs on always
impressed me.
And if you grew up wearing glasses, you might have been picked on, called names and told
you’ll never be cool!!
I mean does anyone remember the cool kid in school wearing glasses?
Of course not!
Because it didn’t happen!
So to see someone who wore glasses become the biggest star in the world, you cant help
but root for him, and hope that someday, that could be you.
The only other star from that time, that I can remember who proudly wore rims was “Weird
Al” Yankovic, who I also loved and still do to this day!
He had eye surgery as to keep from going blind, and I did too when I was 31.
But you know what they say.
You can take the geek out of the guy, but you can’t take away those daily beatings
from 3rd to 12th grade.
Weird Al did take his own shot at U Can’t Touch This in 1992.
It was funny, but someone had actually beat him to the punch as M.C.
Komiya appeared on the scene in 1991.
On the surface it certainly looks like something Weird Al would do.
The album cover is designed to look exactly like the M.C.
Hammer Album, Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘em.
In fact the album is called Please Kommier Don’t Hurt ‘em!
It’s the brainchild of Japanese comedian Takayasu Komiya.
He’s probably most well known for acting in the Kamen Rider TV series, but thats pretty
recent and this album goes all the way back to the beginning of his career!
Prior to M.C.
Komiya, he had been a bit actor, appearing in a few shows and commercials, but not really
having any star power.
But that all changed when he woke up one day and said HEY!
Let’s copy M.C.
Hammer and see what that does for me!
Now there are a few things to take into consideration here.
Japanese Media is tightly controlled and it’s also very intertwined.
Only a few conglomerates exist and they run everything.
It’s very common to see an actor appear in a talk show, movie, commercial, and have
a song or even video game in some cases, with everything owned by the same company.
So when an on screen talent like Komiya gets an idea, they follow through and they really
do it to death.
Komiya got to do a spot on the Tokoro and Toshiro 1991 NTV Academy Awards show.
keep in mind this isn’t the REAL academy awards just a Japanese parody of it and as
such everything on it was meant to spoof something else.
Here is where MC Kommier was born.
He performed the parody of MC Hammer’s U Can’t Touch This called KENTAIKI.
What is Kentaiki anyway?
Well.. uh..
Kentaiki is really hard to translate directly to english, but it’s just the feeling of
being stuck in a rut, unable to get back into the groove, and everybody knows it!
. Oh Hammer!
Do you know what they did (pause) to what you did to Rick James’s song?
So, anyway, the TV performance was a hit, and naturally there’s a CD to follow up.
On April 5th 1991, the CD Please Kommier Don’t Hurt ‘Em was released.
Much like every other TV talent that put out a novelty song, it was destined to be a one
hit wonder.
First for just being so weird and just cashing in on a hot craze, but also, that not long
after this CD was released the persona would be dropped as Komiya moved on to the next
project.
But the CD had 5 tracks and all of them were pretty good!
At least if you were trying to make fun of MC Hammer!
Because there isn’t just one U Can’t Touch This parody, there’s 2! Kentaiki!
And Kentoshi!!
Now if you thought Kentaiki was weird, Kentoshi turns up the crazy meter so high it breaks
off the knob!
Kentoshi is an old Japanese word meaning Envoy.
specifically Japanese priests, scholars and other higher ups who travelled to China about
1200 years ago and helped bring written language and cultural advancements to Japan
Yea I know right?!
I cant understand it either.
Maybe a Western equivalent is writing a song about the renaissance, I suppose.
But the song goes on and on about how monks and scholars and what have you brought literature
and culture to the Land of Wa, ending with a roll call of some of the big shots who made
it into the history books.
But thats not all!
There’s also “Here comes the Kommier” Which is a little more straight forward and
not as crazy, but still, very self serving!
Its mostly incoherent nonsense interspersed with M.C.
Kommier going on about his own greatness.
Then there’s a karaoke version of U Can’t Touch This/Kentaiki/Kentoshi, that’s a given
in Japan, But none of this compares at all to the ORIGINAL TRACK!!!
In Praise of MC Hammer!!
The song is mostly babbling about how M.C Kommier wants to invite M.C.
Hammer to Japan and what they’d do when they hang out together.
But, yea its a little funny when you think about it through the prism of how 80s/90s
Japan LOVED American culture, and they still do, but that in the bubble era, well if you
were here, you know what I mean!
So in the end, while it may seem like were making fun of MC Hammer, I guess MC Komiya
is actually a fan, just like I was and still am.
So with that in mind, I say, if you can’t beat em, Join em!
(Proper!)
(STATIC)
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh Here comes Gaijillionaire
Yes this is a mission that I'm on taking on youtube all on my own
So don’t talk to me about your level of quality
when you can't even live up to GTV