- What's up, roaches? Welcome back to another episode of
Roach Plays!
Just hanging out with my panda and my parrot
on the outskirts of the jungle.
Ooh, another pillager outpost.
(footsteps)
Ah, I love the sound of walking across peanut shells.
- Sweetie, you better not be stomping on our rushes again.
- Who did this to you?
I'ma get you out of here!
Be free, iron golem!
Go forth and never look back!
Save your people!
Oh, you wanna walk together?
Aw, new friend!
Hello, anybody home?
Ooh, two stories!
Fancy.
I'll take those carrots, and those potions.
(cow mooing)
- Roach.
- Right from the source.
Ah, what a majestic steed.
Better sneak up behind it.
Did you know that horses love to be snuck up
and snuggled from behind.
Oh, he didn't kick me?
I mean, haha, just as I planned, roaches!
Safety first!
(grass rustling)
Horsey want a carrot?
Don't worry, little horsey, I'll come back for you!
Unlike my father.
(cow mooing)
- Roach.
- Hey, the village!
Were you guys missing an iron golem by any chance?
Hey, kitty kitty!
(bricks falling)
Are you guys about to smooch or fight?
Either way, I'm watching!
Release the animals!
Release the lava!
Ah, yes, chaos,
my base state of mind.
(dramatic music)
Now to leave the village to clean up after my mess.
Wow, turtles!
I love block turtles!
And if you do to, don't miss the block squad
and the sea turtles in the biome episode.
Available right now on ArcadeCloud!
- Roach.
- Uh, yep.
Hey, I thought I killed that chicken.
What up, cyclops?
Spray is for cowards!
Real men fight bees with a sword!
Hey, hey wait, stop that, it stings!
Aah!
- Roach.
(footsteps)
Roach.
- Bust out the mint jelly, because
we're having lamb chops tonight, roaches.
Speedy jaguar alert!
My eyes can barely keep up with it.
Lil' melon anyone?
(instrumental music)
Whoa, that is a huge ravine!
Cannonball!
And he sticks the landing.
A perfect dive!
Okay, the ravine was too boring.
Eating watermelon and watching sheep
is much more interesting.
(grass rustling).
Oh, my roach!
Baby kitty!
Hello, baby kitty.
Hey, there, puppy, who wants some meat?
Who's a good boy?
No, bad dog!
No killing sheep!
Aww, man, I can't stay mad at that face!
(instrumental music)
Oh, god, I fell asleep right next to a spider!
Shoot, I was gonna eat him in my sleep.
And maybe 5 or 6 more spiders this year.
Hey, what the.
All right, take two.
Goodnight, roaches.
Stay back, social distancing!
Didn't you hear the governor?
(growling)
Ahh, back on the open ocean again.
- Yarr!
- Now, this be the life for me.
Oh no, it's a guardian!
I've been cursed with a weakness spell.
Grr, right when I was about to go on an adventure.
Is this a haunted ocean monument?
Shh, dolphins, I'm trying to be stealthy.
(splashing)
Hey, you're not Nemo!
Die!
- Roach.
- Under da sea,
under da sea
Where blocks are wetter, roachin' is better,
take it from Steve.
(vocalizing)
Tanner sucks.
Man, this thing is persistent.
But not persistent enough.
You just got roached!
Now take this shard, and put it somewhere else!
(melodic music)
(splashing)
Ahh, back on dry land.
Wait, what?
What's wrong with my body?
Why am I still cursed?
(crunching)
(gurgling)
Okay, the curse is gone and I'm ready to roll again.
Actually, on second thought,
it's bedtime by the ocean, baby.
(splashing)
Aww, not again!
Look at me go, I could've rowed in college!
Your loss, Harvard.
A new biome!
The frozen tundra.
Brr, should've brought a scarf or something.
(upbeat music)
A polar bear!
Take a good long look, kids.
That there majestic creature needs our help!
I'll catch some fresh salmon for you,
polar bear buddy!
And I'm cursed again.
That was quick.
Okay, we're loaded up with friendship inducing fish.
Where'd the bear go?
An evil red eyed albino rabbit!
As promised, this bear, a gift.
Wait, no! I meant to feed it to her, not hit her with it!
Oh, God, the pain!
No, no, I'm sorry.
Please forgive Roach.
He knows not what he does!
Aah, you know what, fine!
Have at you lady bear, I won't go down so easily!
- Roach.
- You know, this one doesn't feel so good.
Richard, I need some calming music after that.
(calming music)
Ah, thank you, Richard.
Ah, a shark!
Or is it a dolphin?
Excuse me, sea creature, do you swim with tourists
at Sandal resorts, or are you an ancient killing machine?
Sir!
Don't tell the government I'm mining a reef,
or I'll have to go back in jail and take more sponsorships!
(groaning)
Just me and my melon going for an underwater stroll.
An underwater treasure!
Yeah, your eyes don't deceive you.
You are looking at the inventory of one rich roach!
Yeah!
(splashing)
The reef is beautiful tonight!
Ow!
Uh oh, another ailment.
Oh no, my health!
No, I didn't die and have to start over!
I don't know what you're talking about!
Uh oh, wither skeletons!
Uh, rude!
Listen buster, I've had one heck of a bad day,
so you better back off.
Roach rage!
(snow crunching)
The light of society!
Yes!
Wake up, buddy!
No, don't go back to sleep!
Fine, I'll just sleep over here in this empty bed.
So much for cuddles.
(yawns)
Night night, roaches.
What, monsters outside?
Aw, man, the skelebros made it all the way here?
Look, I know I was mean to you last night,
but there's no need to hold a grudge.
(footsteps)
Mr. Golem, you made it all the way here after I freed you!
Where the heck were you when the skeletons were attacking?
You've clearly been skirting your duties
as a giant rock golem.
Let there be snow!
(footsteps)
Hey, hey, any food for me?
(glass breaking)
No food, no window.
Them's the rules.
I'll end today's episode with a little snowball action!
(footsteps)
Haha, get roached, pal!
Haha, whee!
Alrighty, roaches, I guess I'm gonna end this episode here.
Stay safe, and stay healthy.
And remember, you can always tune in to Roach Plays
and get lost in some epic game footage with me!
Don't forget to subscribe and I'll see you guys next time.
Buh bye!
(upbeat music)