- [Speaker] Is it ever okay to cheat?
- No.
- [Speaker] Would you stay with someone who cheated on you?
- Yeah.
- [Speaker] But it's not okay to cheat?
- No. But if they...
(upbeat music)
- [Speaker] Is it ever okay to cheat?
- Oh wow.
- Fuck no.
- No. I'm not cool with that.
- Never, ever, ever, ever.
- No. Not in any circumstance.
- [Speaker] What's cheating?
- So you lie about what you're doing, where you are,
what your feelings are.
You're letting your partner feel
like they mean nothing to you.
- [Speaker] What do you constitute as cheating?
- Relying on somebody else
for something that we exclusively rely on each other for.
- To me it's emotional cheating.
It can be physical.
- I think it's not the action
but rather like, the emotion behind it.
- Commenting on girls' pictures on Instagram.
You know, like a heart eyes or something.
Why are you commenting on another girl's pictures?
You're supposed to be commenting on mine.
- [Speaker] Is it ever okay to cheat?
- No. I think cheating,
whether is like micro cheating
or like cheating, cheating.
- [Speaker] Micro cheating?
- Micro cheating is like, follow too many girls
on Instagram.
- [Speaker] Do you know that from experience?
(laughter)
- [Speaker] Why are you looking at me?
- [Speaker] Are you looking at your husband over there?
(woman laughs)
- I don't consider what I did cheating.
Relationship had ended.
We weren't communicating anymore.
So I continued talking to somebody else
and I guess their feelings were still hurt.
- One of my exes would say that I cheated.
- [Speaker] What did you do?
- Had an encounter with a mutual friend
while we were both incredibly intoxicated and
I don't consider incredible intoxication to be consensual.
So I don't think I cheated, but she thinks that I cheated.
- [Speaker] What do you consider cheating?
- Definitely kissing.
- I think like a kiss, you could definitely forgive.
- Anything kissing and beyond.
- It's like a kiss is nothing.
- I just kissed another girl and like,
seeing how it had affected my partner
at the time, I would never do it again.
- Some cultures just kiss as like, a greeting or a goodbye.
So it's not necessarily a bad thing.
- I didn't cheat, you're just cheating.
I think if like ,you let some girl kiss you
when you fuck a girl, I'm not gonna care.
I'm gonna leave you either way.
- [Speaker] Would you stay with someone
who cheated on you?
- No.
I have too much self-respect.
- [Speaker] What if they got really drunk and
they kissed someone but it meant nothing.
- Maybe if we were like, six months
to a year into the relationship, I would accept that.
If we were married, I'd probably accept it.
- [Speaker] Is it ever okay to cheat?
- No.
- [Speaker] Never, ever,
- No.
- I don't think it is.
- [Speaker] Under any circumstance?
- Hmm.
- Probably not.
- No.
- [Speaker] You hesitated.
- I understand why people cheat.
I think typically people are not satisfied
with their current situation.
- [Speaker] Why'd you cheat?
- I felt lonely even with a partner.
I didn't understand
that it was even possible to feel lonely with a partner.
- I think I just wasn't getting enough attention
from the person I was seeing.
- [Speaker] It's fine to cheat, right?
- No, I say that as a cheater.
Like, no.
- [Speaker] Why did you cheat?
- They were ultimately gonna leave me anyway
and I wasn't like, worthy of it so I needed
something to like, fall back on
so I could pretend like, oh it doesn't hurt.
- [Speaker] Do you regret it?
- Yeah. Every single day like...
- [Speaker] But wouldn't the relationship
have ended anyways?
- We're actually, they, we're still together.
So...
- [Speaker] Would you stay with someone
who cheated on you?
- I tried.
I had planned that this was the person I was gonna be with.
I was terrified of like, what life would look
like without this and it ended
up being like three more years of hell.
- [Speaker] Is it ever okay to cheat?
- No.
- Not for me.
- No.
- [Speaker] You didn't say that right away.
- I'm trying to think of edge cases.
- If there were some kind
of situation set up with an agreed hall pass.
- [Speaker] What if they had sex with Shakira?
- I think we might be able to stay together.
- [Speaker] Why?
- Well I was thinking like if I had sex
with Michael B. Jordan then I feel
like I would want them to be okay with it.
- [Speaker] Is it ever okay to cheat?
- No.
- Nope.
The way I see it,
if you like really love someone, you would never cheat.
- If you like have the desire to cheat, like,
at that point you're pretty much done with the relationship.
- I feel like you should always
at least communicate like, if you want to end it before.
- Try an open relationship or something.
There's so many avenues before you could cheat.
- [Speaker] Is it ever okay to cheat?
- No. That said, have I done it yet? Yeah.
- [Speaker] Why did you cheat?
- Because I didn't know how to end the relationship.
- I only told him that I cheated to like,
make him not wanna be with me anymore.
- If you wanna go have sex with someone, talk about it
and then if they're not comfortable with that,
then break up.
It's pretty simple.
- It's easy to just say words and say, "I want to be
with this other person."
At the same time, it's very hard to do that.
It's easier just to fuck somebody.
- It's okay to cheat sometimes
because I think sometimes people can't get
out of relationships.
- [Speaker] Well why not just break up
with the person before you cheat?
- Super easy to say, but we can't always do that.
- Like, what if you're stuck or you feel stuck
or you're being like abused or manipulated or just
do you feel
like that might be the only option to make that
person leave you,
- Sometimes people are stuck
in really fucked up relationships.
I tell like my mom that
if she cheats on my dad, I'd be okay with it.
- [Speaker] Why?
- I'm not the biggest fan of my dad.
- [Speaker] Have you ever been cheated on?
- I have not.
Well, not that I know of.
- I have been jealous of people
that my partners have been around.
- I'd say there's like, suspicion but like,
nothing concrete.
- [Speaker] Have you been cheated on?
- I've been cheated on yeah or kind of lied to.
- [Speaker] What was the lie?
- That she wasn't talking to her ex.
- My ex was actually in love
with his ex during like, most of our relationship.
I guess that's sort of cheating.
- [Speaker] Did you know about it?
- I found out after we had broken up
so it was just like, fuck you again.
- [Speaker] Is it ever okay to cheat?
- I'm laughing because I recently got cheated on.
He hooked up with someone.
To my understanding, it was like,
two nights when I was asleep.
- [Speaker] Ooh. Did you stay with him?
- Yeah. We're in couples counseling.
We're working on it.
- [Speaker] Have you cheated or been cheated on?
- I hate that question
'cause I have cheated once.
I got too cocky, I don't know.
I felt like I was the shit so I was like,
might as well do it.
- [Speaker] And why did you do it?
- Thrill. It feels good.
I'm just a simple man, you know?
- [Speaker] Have you been cheated on?
- I have been cheated on.
I guess I wasn't as confident
as I thought 'cause I was like, let me look at the phone.
Tinder is on the phone.
So you don't think it's gonna happen to you,
I guess, but it also is super common.
So why would I think that it wouldn't happen?
- [Speaker] Why does it happen so much?
- I definitely don't feel like monogamy is natural
for me and and non-monogamous relationships,
it feels a lot easier
and more comfortable being open with my partner
about our desires and not lying to each other.
- [Speaker] Would you stay with someone who cheated on you?
- I don't know.
I guess it would depend on the circumstance.
Life is really messy.
- Depends on how long it's been going on.
How I find out probably matters.
- I know that he's a good person
so if he makes a mistake,
I know that people make mistakes
and they can just recover from that.
- [Speaker] You're madly in love with someone.
You've been with them for a while.
They cheat. Do you stay with them?
- No.
- No. - No.
- I don't think I could.
- I think my trust would be really shattered afterwards.
- I can't 'cause it's not the same trust,
not the same bond.
It's a different person.
- When you look at that person and they're not seeing you,
no.
- I mean if there's no trust,
then what is there in a relationship?
- I have like a zero tolerance policy.
No emotional cheating, no physical cheating.
- [speaker[ So you would leave him
if he was talking to someone?
- Yeah. If he found himself feeling the need
to turn his phone over when someone
just texted him something, game over.
- Like I want to say no.
- I wouldn't wanna, I don't know like,
throw away like all the years of the relationship.
- Like in high school?
No. If you're married, yes, because, well,
- [Speaker] Is it ever okay to cheat?
- No. No.
- [Speaker] Would you stay with someone who cheated on you?
- Yeah, I'm pretty forgiving.
- [Speaker] But it's not okay to cheat?
- No. But if they could actually express
that they are sorry and they can find fault
in what they did and understand that they hurt someone
and that they need to build that trust back, then yeah,
I think you should give people a second chance.
- I would stay with them because I have attachment issues
and it can be hard for me to move on from a person,
even when they've hurt me.
- Like, you don't get a pass.
But if you cheat and then you come back and you're like,
here's how this happened, here's what I learned from it,
then we can, yeah, we can work with that.
- It would take talking.
It would take a lot of talking.
- [Speaker] If someone cheated on you,
would you stay with them?
- Oh yeah, I have. Someone cheated on me
for an an extremely long amount of time and didn't tell me.
Then I found out, then it was a lot of like, no, don't go.
- Did stay with them.
We dated for like another year after the cheating.
- [Speaker] Why did you stay with them?
- Because he lied and told me
that it wasn't true and I just wanted to believe it.
- It won't happen again, that it was,
didn't mean anything.
- [Speaker] Did it happen again?
- Yeah.
- [speaker[ Would you stay with someone
who cheated on you?
- Like, I would like to say that I wouldn't because I'm
like, a strong independent woman, but I've definitely stayed
with men that have been unfaithful to me.
- [Speaker] Why?
- I was really comfortable and probably
just like, afraid of what my life looked like
without them because for a while they were my life.
- Relationships are more multi-layered
than what they seem like.
It's just not black and white.