Hi there this is Clay and in this video we're going to be answering the question, what should
you be doing if your ex context you during no contact.
So, got a message from a woman named Jessica and she's been having, she, she will, she
wants to know what to do because she's been, doing active no contact like we talked about.
and after, I think it was like two weeks or something, her ex reached out to her and she
wasn't sure what to do.
Should she keep going with no contact or should she respond and, and sort of get the ball
rolling and go on to the next phase. and, and I wish there was like a really clear cut
answer I can tell you, but it really depends on a couple different things.
First of all, it depends on whether or not you are in an emotional state where you're
ready to get back in contact with your ex.
You know, a lot of people aren't really emotionally prepared to deal with that.
You know, they'll cut contact and then their ex, will reach out to them.
And then they'll get back in contact with them and you know, they'll just, this end
up reverting back to the same thing.
So they'll, they'll, they'll get super anxious, they'll beg and plead, they'll walk on eggshells,
they'll totally freak out.
when, when, you know, such and such a thing happens and that's really not going to serve
you.
You know, it's, it's pointless to try and do active, no contact if you're just going
to just revert right back to the same, actions and patterns and behaviors that you had before
you started it.
So you want to make sure that you're emotionally prepared to get back in contact.
Second of all, you want to make sure that you're getting back in contact on your own
terms now, during one of my breakups with, with my ex in the past, I actually did use
no contact and I think it was after like three weeks or something like that.
She, she sent me an email and, you know, she wanted to talk to me and, and I didn't just
drop everything I was doing right there and, got back in touch with her.
I, I said, hey, you know, I'm on my way to a class cause I was, I was in college at the
time and you know, I'll call you, I can't remember what it was like the next day or
at night or something like that.
When I get out of class and, you know, I was, I was really basically asserting my own boundaries
and contacting her on my own terms.
Because it's really important that, that you really live your own life and that you don't
make your ex the center of your life because there'll be able to pick up on that.
They'll be able to sense that, that, you're putting 100% of your attention on them and
it's going to make them second guess things in wanting to pull back a little bit.
You know, it's Kinda like, it's Kinda like the same feeling you get if you've ever been
on like a first date and the other person is just like super into it.
You know, they're already like planning on getting married and picking the kids names
and everything and, and imagining like the House that you're going to get in the suburbs
with the white picket fence and everything like that.
It's, it's kind of creepy and it's very off putting.
So you don't want to do that.
What you want to do is really kind of keep living your own life, doing active no contact,
like we said before, living your life, through the methods that we teach you through active,
no contact and you want to basically get back in touch with your ex on your own terms.
So I hope that answers your question, Jessica, and I hope the answers, anyone else's question
out there who may be thinking the same thing.
And if you'd like to learn more about active no contact and more about how you can go ahead
and save your relationship after a break up and get back together with the person you
love, go to relationshipinnergame.com and sign up there.