♪ (upbeat theme music) ♪
(smack!)
(silence)
- (FBE) All right, today we're going to see
if you can get through a bunch of these videos...
- Okay. - (FBE) ...without smiling or laughing.
- Okay, fuck!
- I find everything funny.
I honestly think I'm going to fail miserably.
- I'm going to win today. I feel it.
- I'm going to make it to the second video.
If I can do that, I win.
- (FBE) And all the videos you're going to be seeing today
were sent in by the fans
who think they're going to get you to laugh.
- They will.
I guarantee it.
- They've got a very good eye for things that will make me laugh.
- Bring 'em on. (laughing)
You guys are... (laughing) amateur.
- Put my game face on here.
- (mom) What's inside there?
- Okay, Christmas.
- (mom gasping) - (girl) I can't have these.
- What is that?
- Oh, I love Kinder Eggs.
- (girl) It's-- It's a chocolate surprise!
- She's so cute.
- (girl) Uh-oh, those are illegal!
- Chocolate's illegal?
- (girl) What the fuck? - (cracking up)
(buzzer)
- (girl) Uh-oh... - Not funny. Not funny.
Nope. - (girl) What the fuck?
- Nope. (chuckling)
NO!!! Dang it!
(buzzer)
- (girl) Those are illegal! - (humming softly)
- (girl) What the fuck?
- Fuck! (buzzer)
- (girl) What the fuck?
- How do they know that word so young?
(silence)
- Oh, something's going to hit them.
- Aww, cute girls.
Something's going--
- (girl) What the fuck is taking so long?
- (woman snickering) - (cracking up)
(pounding table) (buzzer)
- (girl) What the fuck is taking so long?
- Why these little kids swearing so much?
- (girl) What the fuck is taking so long? - Whoa!
On this episode of Children Swearing.
(silence)
- (mom) And tell mommy again what you said...
- "Her answer may surprise you."
- (mom) ...if he came here.
- (girl) I said I'm going to kick his "ask". - Yes, you will.
- (mom) And tell mommy again what you said you were going to do...
- Oh, I love this video.
- (girl) I said I'm going to... - "Kick his 'ask.'"
- (mom snickering) That's not nice.
- It's not nice.
- (girl) Is he going to come in here?
He's gonna kick my "ask." - (mom cracking up)
- Oh my god. That's so cute.
- (girl) He will come out and kick my "ask."
- (chuckling) - (mom laughing) Oh!
- Damn it! (buzzer)
- (girl) He will come out and kick my "ask."
- (mom chuckling) Okay.
But that's not a nice word.
You should say "kick his butt."
- Oh, now she tell her. - (girl) Oh!
- See, she didn't even know it was a bad word.
Maybe their parents are just cussing in front of her.
- This has been hard.
- Maybe if I pinch myself.
Oh yeah, that helps out.
- (cop) You're under arrest. - (man) I'm under what?
- I wonder what country they're in.
- (man) Gentleman, this is democracy manifest.
This is democracy manifest. - Oh god! (laughing)
I don't know why I found that so funny, the accent.
(buzzer)
- (man) Have a look at the headlock here.
See that chap over there? - (chuckling softly)
Oh shit! I forgot we were doing the challenge!
(buzzer)
- (man) Have a look at the headlock here.
See that chap over there?
(roaring) Get your hand off my penis!!!
- Wow. (chuckling) (buzzer)
- (man) See that chap over there?
(roaring) Get your hand off my penis!!!
- Come again?
- (man) This is the bloke who got me on the penis, people.
- Oh my god.
- (man) Ah, yes.
I see that you know your judo well.
And you, sir, are you waiting to receive my limp penis?
- I don't know why anyone would be waiting to receive his limp penis.
- (lady) And where did the charitable gentleman
who had a first-class ticket for this seaside resort find you?
- I think Meryl Streep would be able to play her.
- (man) In a handbag.
- (lady) A handbag? - Oh god.
Oh god.
- (lady) A handbag?
- This lady.
- (lady) A handbag?
- Yes, a handbag.
- Next. Okay.
Please be the last one.
- (teen) Okay, shut up. I'm trying to-- I'm trying to record.
I hate my parents. - Teenagers.
- Oh, I've seen this one.
- (teen) They suck. I don't want 'em.
- So much anger.
- (teen) Fuck you, mom! - Don't do that to your mom.
- Oh god. Oh god. - (mom) Did you just flip me off?!
- (teen) No! - (mom) Did you just--?!
- Mm-mm.
- He's going to get his ass beat.
(teen and mom arguing) - Beat him up.
- (mom) I saw you! - (teen) Mom, it's for--
- Beat him up.
- (teen) I didn't mean it! - (mom) I saw that!
- That's why you don't flip off your mom, kids.
- Fuck you, Big Steve, from the same bathroom
that George Michael got caught jacking off in!
- Nice. - (man) Fuck you!
- (Steve) Fuck you, Sam, from the Roman Colosseum.
- (Sam) Fuck you, Big Steve, in front of this guy
who is laying in front of my house.
(silence)
Did I... no!!!
(buzzer)
- (Sam) Fuck you, Big Steve, in front of this guy
who's laying in front of my house.
- (Steve) Fuck you, Sam, straight from Atlanta, Georgia...
- They're travelling, everywhere they're going.
So dumb. (window smashes)
- (Sam) Fuck you, Big Steve!
- (Steve) Fuck. You. Sam!
- (inhaling and exhaling deeply)
- (Sam) Slide down-- fuck! Fat bitch!
- You're so close. Don't even crack.
- (Steve) ...from my own beach in Saint Martin!
♪ (chorus drowning out Steve) ♪ - (Steve) ...inside your wife!
- (sighing) This is really hard.
- (Sam) Suck it, Big Steve, from the Great Wall of China,
you son a-- - This is really cool.
- (woman) Fuck you, Sam.
I'm nine and a half centimeters.
That's nine times the size of your needle dick.
- (Steve) Needle. Dick.
- (woman) Fuck you, Sam.
My insides are being ripped apart. - You're insane.
- (Steve) Her insides are being ripped apart.
Fuck you, Sam, you piece of shit.
- (Sam) Fuck you! (instrument whirring)
- I want a best friend like that.
- (FBE) And that's it.
You have made it all the way through.
- (laughing deliriously)
I can't believe I did it!
- Two for two so far.
- I wanted to laugh, but I said, nope, nope, nope, nope!
- (FBE) What would you say to the fans who sent in the videos
that got you to laugh? - I was so close and you ruined it!
- Good job. You got me.
- You're evil 'cause you got me with those kid videos.
- That was so funny.
There was a lot this batch. Nice work.
- (FBE) You have any advice for your fellow reactors
that couldn't get through this challenge?
- I honestly don't know.
I thought that when I came in here, to do my first one,
that I was going to fail.
- Be critical when I looked at them instead of looking at them
so I can laugh.
- We can't all be winners. (laughing)
That was so savage.
- Thank you for watching us try not to smile or laugh
on the React channel.
- Subscribe for new shows every week.
- Have any videos you want to see in the challenge?
Put it down in the comments.
- Hey fans, you can't get me to laugh.
I'm the king. Where's my crown?
Where's my crown?
- Hey, everybody, Derek here, one of the React channel producers.
Thank you so much for watching.
Don't forget to hit that Like button,
and live from the set of React, [bleep] you, Sam and Steve!