WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND
"STAY HUMAN" RIGHT NOW!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪
OH, OH!
FOLKS, I GOTTA TELL YOU, NO
MISTAKING A MONDAY CROWD.
THAT'S IT RIGHT HERE, THEY'RE ON
THE PLANET.
FOLKS, I'M A BIG ANIMAL LOVER.
THAT'S WHY I DO WHATEVER I CAN
TO HELP OUT ALL THE WORLD'S
CREATURES THAT I DON'T WANT TO
EAT.
WE RECENTLY DID AN IMMENSELY
POPULAR SEGMENT HERE, WHERE
AUBREY PLAZA AND I TRIED TO HELP
FIND SOME ADORABLE RESCUE DOGS A
HOME BY TELLING YOU, THE
AUDIENCE, SOME ENTICING LIES
ABOUT THEM.
AND HERE'S SOMETHING THAT IS NOT
A LIE-- EVERY SINGLE PUPPY
FEATURED IN THAT SEGMENT ENDED
UP SUCCESSFULLY ADOPTED!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ALL OF THEM!
THAT'S IT!
WELL, I'D SURE LOVE TO DO THAT
AGAIN SOMETIME... IF ONLY THERE
WAS ANOTHER BELOVED CELEBRITY
WHO WANTED TO HELP RESCUE A
BUNCH OF PUPPIES BY LYING ABOUT
THEM.
>> DID SOMEBODY SAY BRYAN
CRANSTON?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> DID YOU SAY BRYAN CRANSTON?
>> Stephen: I CAN'T TELL AT
THIS POINT.
YEAH, BRYAN.
BRYAN.
I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE COMING
OUT HERE.
>> REALLY?
IT'S BEEN BOOKED FOR WEEKS.
>> Stephen: NOW THAT YOU'RE
HERE, IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER
EPISODE OF "RESCUE DOG RESCUE"!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪
WELCOME TO "RESCUE DOG RESCUE."
QUICK REMINDER --
ALL THE PUPPIES WE HAVE HERE
TONIGHT ARE ACTUAL ADOPTABLE
DOGS FROM NORTH SHORE ANIMAL
LEAGUE AMERICA.
BRYAN, ARE YOU READY TO GET
THESE GUYS A GOOD HOME?
>> NO, STEPHEN... I'M READY TO
GET THESE GUYS A GREAT HOME!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LET'S BEGIN.
FIRST PUPPY?
EXCELLENT!
OH!
( AUDIENCE REACTS )
HERE WE GO -- OH!
THIS IS GRACE.
IF YOU HAVE KIDS, GRACE IS THE
PUPPY FOR YOU.
SHE HAS THE ABILITY TO SING THE
ENTIRE SOUNDTRACK TO THE 2010
DISNEY MOVIE "TANGLED."
ALSO KNOWS ALL THE LYRICS TO
"LET IT GO" FROM THE MOVIE
"FROZEN"-- BUT WON'T SING IT.
OH, THAT'S SWEET.
THIS IS STERLING.
( AUDIENCE REACTS )
YEAH.
YOU SAY, OH, NOW, BUT STERLING
IS GETTING HIS LIFE BACK
TOGETHER.
HE'S SOBER NOW.
BUT DON'T WORRY-- HE STILL LOVES
TO PARTY, WHICH MEANS YOU'LL
ALWAYS HAVE A DESIGNATED DRIVER.
PLUS, BECAUSE OF HIS CLUB DAYS,
HE CAN GET YOU ANYTHING YOU
NEED.
( LAUGHTER )
BUT NONE FOR YOU, RIGHT?
THAT'S THE OLD STERLING.
RIGHT?
STAY STRONG.
>> STEPHEN: THIS IS COLUMBUS.
HE'S A VERY GOOD-- WAIT A
MINUTE, THIS IS A CAT!
GET HIM THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
DOGS ONLY, NO LOVING HOME FOR
YOU, CAT!
NO!
MAYBE CONAN WILL HELP YOU, NOT
ME!
ANOTHER ONE.
DOG.
YOU'VE GOT TO BE FIRM.
THERE ARE RULES.
IT'S "RESCUE DOG RESCUE," BRYAN.
THERE ARE RULES.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: THIS IS SCOUT.
SCOUT IS A HOUND MIX WHO LOVES
FRENCH CINEMA --
BUT, MORE IMPORTANTLY, ISN'T A
TOTAL DICK ABOUT IT.
SCOUT CAN ACTUALLY OPEN YOUR
EYES TO THE VALUE OF GODARD'S
WORK WITHOUT MAKING YOU FEEL
SMALL.
ALSO, FOUR LEGS-- PERFECT NUMBER
FOR A DOG.
( LAUGHTER )
WHO DO WE HAVE HERE?
OKAY, THIS IS GINGER.
GINGER HAS "BENJAMIN BUTTON"
DISEASE AND "MEMENTO" DISEASE.
SO EVERY TIME YOU SEE HER,
SHE'LL BE EVEN CUTER, AND MORE
EXCITED TO MEET YOU FOR THE
FIRST TIME.
>> AND SAY HOWDY TO POPPY.
THERE YOU ARE, POPPY!
OH, COME ON, POPPY!
LOOK AT THIS!
MUAH!
POPPY IS WHAT'S KNOWN AS A
NORWEGIAN WISHING DOG.
SHE ONLY HAS ONE WISH LEFT, BUT
IT WORKED OUT PRETTY WELL FOR
HER PREVIOUS OWNER, LIN-MANUEL
MIRANDA!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: OKAY.
WHO DO WE HAVE HERE?
OH, OH!
HEY, CUTIE.
THIS HERE IS LADY.
HI, LADY!
LADY IS A HOUND MIX THAT IS ALSO
IN SHOW BUSINESS.
CURRENTLY, SHE'S WORKING AS THE
SECOND UNIT DIRECTOR ON "GAME OF
THRONES!"
( LAUGHTER )
WHICH MEANS SHE KNOWS ALL THE
SPOILERS FROM SEASON 7!
WHO DIES?
OH, BUT I LOVED HIM-OR-HER!
NO!
>> AH!
THIS IS BRODY.
HI, BRODY.
COME ON, BUDDY.
THAT'S IT.
BRODY CAN'T CONFIRM THAT HE WAS
PART OF THE MISSION THAT KILLED
BIN LADEN... BUT LET'S JUST SAY
HE'S "WELL TRAVELED."
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: AND WHO DO WE HAVE
HERE?
WHO'S UP NEXT?
WHO DO WE HAVE HERE?
OH!
WE HAVE AN ADORABLE PUPPY.
( APPLAUSE )
THIS IS COLUMBUS.
AND COLUMBUS HAS A NOTE!
"I AM A PUPPY.
DEFINITELY NOT A KITTEN IN A
PUPPY COSTUME."
WELL, THAT CHECKS OUT.
WHICH MEANS COLUMBUS IS ALSO
AVAILABLE FOR ADOPTION!
WHO'S A GOOD DOGGY?
YES, YOU ARE!
SO HEAD TO THE "LATE SHOW'S"
WEBSITE: COLBERTLATESHOW.COM FOR
MORE INFORMATION ON HOW YOU CAN
ADOPT ALL THESE DOGS TODAY FROM
THE NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE
AMERICA.
BRYAN CRANSTON, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BRYAN
CRANSTON.