So many of the crew still missing.
Hey, Mr D - why is this one crossed out?
Who is “Shima”?
Six years.
Shima disappeared from the internet in 2016 and people have been asking where she went
ever since - on YouTube, Reddit, Twitter, Tiktok, Twitch and everywhere.
There have been video conspiracies theorizing what happened to her for years now, and it’s
gotten out of hand.
The mystery has taken on a life of its own, disconnected from what actually happened to
her - but today I will reveal the TRUTH, but be warned, you may not like what you hear.
Perhaps you may not know this is not the first time she vanished, or about the message explaining
her disappearance that hasn’t been discussed until now.
Let’s dive into it.
Uh - well, actually I need to go get lunch-
I call this chapter: “Shima First Appears”
Back in 2014 there was a logo contest to redesign the Dolan logo, and the winning submission
was given by the artist Shima Luan.
Her work was high quality but controversial at the time.
It was well known with the community at the time, that the big nose Dolan was not the
most popular choice.
Afterwards, I commissioned her to design the Planet Dolan logo, still used to this day.
She regularly voiced audiobook recordings for YouTube which I happened to check out
at the same time that I was concepting an animated show: Super Planet Dolan.
She had a nice, smooth narrator voice for content, so I asked her to voice the co-star
with me, and also to help write the real answers while I wrote the TRUTH.
She never really asked or applied for this opportunity, but she was grateful and always
gave her 100% for it.
“We’re going to be answering people’s questions about life.
You’ll take on the role of a big, pink cat and talk about a lot of science.
I will be there to mess with you and give you a hard time.
Also occasionally a demon man will appear.
You start immediately.”
So you roped her into it?
An opportunity presented itself.
It’s not my fault she fell for it.
Riiiiiiiight.
Super Planet Dolan launched in Sept 2015 and did pretty darn well.
Overnight, we became rockstar celebrities , bumping shoulders with the cultural elite,
while obviously shying away from the filthy unwashed masses.
“Talk to our agent, plebeian.”
It was an incredible time.
We were top of the world and we couldn’t be stopped.
Millions of dollars, servants to attend our every need, fame and glory.
We had ascended beyond mortals.
And that was just the beginning-
Na.
Not really.
The reality is very little changes in your life when you do well on Youtube, but the
expectations and workload are higher.
It’s almost funny how little your life changes between 0 subscribers and millions of them.
In November 2015, I was waiting for Shima to hand in her part of the script by the deadline,
but it never arrived.
“Where is that CAT?
Here, kitty kitty.
You want some foodies!?”
“Gooby, where’d the cat go?”
“Hellbent.
Where’s Shima?”
“I have no idea.
I didn’t chop her into pieces and bury her in my backyard, that’s for sure.”
“What?”
“I said I don’t know where she is!”
There was no time left so I had to finish the script myself and bring on a guest character,
which turned out to be Slapped Ham.
But this only worked once.
Shima ended up missing for weeks, not answering emails or messages.
It left me in a pickle because she was integral to the show in multiple ways, so she wasn’t
easy to replace.
I was traveling at the time so it was even more difficult - I holed myself up in the
hotel room and smashed out scripts, all the while not knowing if Shima’s vanishing act
was temporary or permanent.
One month later and she still hadn’t returned.
I’d barricaded myself at work, the door sealed with wood and nails, half-finished
scripts floating around like confetti, voice actors and animators bashing at the door:
“Let us in, Dolan.
Produce the cat or we riot.”
Just as all hope was lost, the magical but very ill snail crossed with a tadpole pet
I keep under my hat emerged to vomit out an electronic letter - sent by Shima herself.
I hid the shameful appearance of my pet back under my hat and read what she had to say.
At the time I didn’t really want to discuss Shima’s email because it’s personal - but
given it’s been over 6 years from her without a peep, it’s time to blow off the dust and
declassify her case file for transparency.
So here we go.
She talks about how she’s been having a bit of family life trouble that caused her
to put a pause on work.
She’s been hesitant to mention it because she didn’t know what is or isn’t appropriate
to discuss socially in the workplace that might explain her absence.
In times of stress, her natural reaction is to fall in on herself and close off from everyone.
She says she really wants to keep working with me and everyone else at PD, that nothing
this good or amazing has ever happened to her and she’s trying to correct her bad
habits to not screw the opportunity over.
She says sorry, and she’ll do her best to make up for it.
True to her word, Shima reappeared and worked harder than ever.
She was more social with the crew and even did poster art for her character and Planet
Dolan.
On the surface, everything seemed all good.
She even partied harder than before.
But that’s when it all took a dark turn.
Gambling.
Violence.
Shima got into the hard stuff.
Dental treats.
The lactose-free milk.
Lines of catnip.
She was out of control - a renegade.
I told her to chill and she scratched me.
It was hot.
It all came to a head, when Shima alarmed me by proposing the cultural extermination
of the British.
Perhaps it extended from some deep-seated trauma, I’m-
Okay, now you’re just being ridiculous.
Alright.
So maybe there was no “dark turn”.
In any case, several months later Shima made an unscripted thank-you video on her youtube
channel and then vanished afterwards.
The only reason I know she’s alright is because her steam account ID popped up from
time to time, so it’s clear she just didn’t want to come back for whatever reason - but
it’s almost certainly related to the contents of her email.
I only didn’t discuss it before because it contained personal info, and I wasn’t
sure if she still planned to come back, but given all these years it’s pretty clear
that isn’t going to happen.
Funnily enough, she was only active in Planet Dolan for eight months total, but it feels
a lot longer than that - she clearly left a lasting impression.
Shima ghosted us, simple as that.
She got overwhelmed by things in her personal life and just decided not to come back one
day.
I’ve told fans to leave it alone but people don’t seem to care about that.
They’re more interested in the made-up mystery, the urban legend than actual, boring reality.
But is that the full story?
New information has come to light - the address associated with Shima’s youtube account
leads back to Google’s AI data center repository in Houston, Texas.
All images of Shima’s real life face have been scrubbed from the net.
Her disappearance coincides with the unveiling of Microsoft’s Hololens.
Shima was an AI text-to-speech program all along.
The most elaborate YouTube hoax of all time to eclipse the moon landing has finally reached
its apex.
Woah!
Is all of that true?
Sure, why not.