'Tehy ridiculed your father, remember.'
'Called him Captain America. and finally killed him.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World
‘Sensational’
2 films this week as we review the 1979 made for TV pilots of Captain America
‘Let’s check this Turkey out’
The Captain’s usual formula involves tiny, puny Steve Rogers being transformed to a superhero,
but this version has to dispense with that, as Rogers is played by Slab Bulkhead himself, Reb Brown
‘Be Captain America, Steve’
Bringing his own brand of intelligent charisma
‘Do you understand what that means?’
I’m guessing; no.
‘I’;m not sure I’m following you.’
This Steve Rogers, doesn’t even want to be Captain America
‘I just want to kick back and find out who I am’
He’d rather be an artist
(xxx)
Hiding behind rocks, drawing other people’s children.
‘It’s what I had in mind for the rest of my life’
The acting is not great
‘How much more... in gain... will there be?’
And it’s probably not a good sign when you make 2 pilot films, in the same year,
and yet the actress playing the heroine in the first can’t be bothered to show up for the second.
‘My heart’s not in it’
Also the plot requires Steve to don the red, white and blue as a disguise
‘Something that will make it impossible to remember or even recognise you at all’,
So we’re assuming his enemies are quite dumb
‘Captain America just broke Rogers out of jail.’
yeah, that seems like the most likely explanation
‘Does it really matter?’
Fair point: it’s a superhero film after all, so let’s see some superheroics,
how about that shield ‘
It's bullet proof And a rather deadly weapon’
I’m sure this will hit something at some point,
any second now...
As a demonstration of how this is a ‘deadly weapon’ that was worthless.
But maybe it looks better in action
Stab him!
Moron
'Jam Captain America down their throats.'
The second film ‘Death Too Soon’ has one major plus, although he might not see it that way
‘I don’t like this Stader
’The late seventies, early 80s were not good years for Christopher Lee
‘You didn’t expect to fool an old jungle fighter with a boomerang trick did you?
But he does give you something to watch as the film’s plot disintegrates around him .
‘I can’t understand this’
Captain America is starting a covert operation tailing drug smugglers
You may have alerted them to your presence.
But, astonishingly, an attack by man in a patriotic lycra onesie doesn’t phaze the bad guys and they continue unconcerned
‘What happened to you guys?’
‘Ah, some trouble earlier’
Christopher Lee’s masterplan involves a drug that causes people to age
'His claim is that everyone within range will age at the rate of 38 days per hour.'
He poisons Portland
‘Whatever it is it sure smells nice’
Can Captain America secure the antidote before people start dying?
‘Frankly I don’t know’
Well, no. Obviously.
At no point do any of the good guys say ‘well this is bad news for the young people of Portland but it’s catastrophic for the elderly!’
‘It’s been terrible’
The lives of those who were already within a year or 2 of death are just discounted
'I wish you told me about that earlier.'
And when he does get the antidote
‘The people of Portland have all aged about 10 months’
Bullshit. At 38 days an hour, 10 months is less than 8 hours,
no way does this all happen in that time.
‘That’s ridiculous’
Speaking of ridiculous
You’re probably wondering if this got a full series
‘What do you say Steve, do we put Captain America on a permanent basis?’
No, we do not.
‘Is that the best you can give me?’
Which Captain America do you prefer?
Red Brown's idiot artist?
Or Ronnie Coxis car sickness faker?
Let us know in the comments below and don't forget to subscribe.
What do you make of this?
We all know this weed.