>> NOW FOR A CONVERSATION ON THE SCIENCE OF HEALTH,
PLEASE WELCOME ROBERT WALD INGER, AUTHOR AND PROFESSOR
OF PSYCHIATRY AT HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL WITH JULIE BEK
SENIOR EDITOR AT THE ATLANTIC.
>>
>> HI, BOB, THANKS SO MUCH FOR JOINING US.
>> HI.
>> LET'S GET RIGHT TO IT.
>> OKAY.
>> YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF THIS HUGE STUDY OF HUMAN
HAPPINESS, THE HARVARD STUDY OF ADULT DEVELOPMENT.
COULD YOU GIVE US A QUICK OVERVIEW WHAT IS THE STUDY'S
MISSION AND WHAT MAKES IT UNIQUE?
>> THE STUDY STARTED IN 1938 AND I'M THE 4TH DIRECTOR
AND NOT THAT WELL PRESERVED. IT WAS ACTUALLY STUDIED --
STARTED AS TWO STUDIES IN BOSTON THAT DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT
EACH OTHER. A STUDY OF HARVARD COLLEGE UNDERGRADUATES
AND STUDY OF BOYS FROM BOSTON'S POOREST AND MOST
TROUBLED FAMILIES.
BOTH OF THEM WERE MEANT TO BE STUDIES OF WHAT HELPED
PEOPLE THRIVE AS THEY GO THROUGH LIFE.
SO, THE HARVARD GUY IS A NO-BRAINER AND INNER CITY
GUYS, THE QUESTION IS HOW DID THEY MANAGE TO STAY ON
GOOD DEVELOPMENT PATHS THAT WAS RADICAL FOR THAT TIME.
>> THE STUDY HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR 85 YEARS AND
ASSUMING THERE HAS BEEN CHANGES MADE ALONG THE WAY. CAN
YOU TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT HOW THE STUDIES EVOLVED?
>> YES. FIRST, IF YOU WANT TO STUDY NORMAL YOUNG ADULT
DEVELOPMENT, YOU STUDY ALL WHITE MEN FROM HARVARD?
NO.
>> THAT IS WHAT YOU THINK, YEAH.
>> WE ARE ALWAYS HAVING TO EXPLAIN TO NIH WHY THEY NEED
TO CONTINUE TO FUNDUS. WE HAVE BROUGHT IN SPOUSES AND
CHILDREN AND MORE THAN HALF OF WHOM ARE FEMALE.
THEN WE HAVE CHANGED SO MANY METHODS. I MEAN, WE USE
TODAY DO MEDICAL EXAMS AND INTERVIEWS AND WE STILL DO.
NOW WE DRAW BLOOD FOR DNA WHICH WASN'T EVEN IMAGINED IN
1938.
>> WELL, SO I THINK WE ARE MAYBE GLOSSING OVER POSSIBLY
THE MOST INTERESTING THING ABOUT THE STUDY THAT IS THAT
YOU TAKE THE SAME PEOPLE AND YOU FOLLOW THEM THROUGH
THEIR WHOLE LIVES; RIGHT?
>> RIGHT.
>> SO, WHAT DOES THAT LET YOU LEARN THAT AI LOT OF
OTHER STUDIES ON HAPPINESS MAYBE CAN'T CAPTURE?
>> WELL, MOST STUDIES DO SNAPSHOTS OF PEOPLE. YOU KNOW,
WE COULD STUDY 20-YEAR-OLDS AND 40-YEAR-OLDS TODAY.
WHEN YOU GET TO ASK PEOPLE THE SAME QUESTIONS, YOU GET
TO DRAW A LITTLE MAP OR TRAJECTORY OF THEIR LIFE. WE DO
THIS WITH THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.
>> YEAH.
>> SO, SO IN SUMMING UP THE FINDINGS OF THIS STUDY, I'M
MOST CURIOUS, LIKE, FROM FOLLOWING PEOPLE ALL THROUGH
THEIR LIVES, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT PEOPLE
THINK WILL MAKE THEM HAPPY AND WHAT ACTUALLY ENDS UP
MAKING THEM HAPPY?
>> YEAH. WELL, ALL OF OUR PEOPLE, WHEN THEY WERE
STARTING OUT IN THEIR CAREERS THOUGHT THAT BEING
WEALTHY AND BEING FAME OWE US AND WINNING LOTS OF
AWARDS WAS GOING TO DO IT FOR THEM AND IT JUST DIDN'T.
>> DID ANY OF THEM GET FAMOUS?
>> SOME OF THEM DID. JOHN F.
KENNEDY WAS PART OF OUR STUDY AND BOB BRADLEY WITH
WASHINGTON POST AND BOSTON STRANGLER WAS PART OF THE
STUDY.
>> HOW HAPPY WAS HE?
WASN'T TOO HAPPY?
>> DIDN'T GO WELL.
>> [LAUGHING].
>> WHAT WE FOUND WAS PEOPLE STARTING OUT THOUGHT THAT
WHEN THEY STARTED OUT AS ADULTS THAT WEALTH AND FAME
AND ACHIEVEMENT WERE GOING TO MAKE THEM HAPPY.
EVERYBODY WHEN WE ASKED THEM TO LOOK BACK IN THEIR 80S
WHAT THEY WERE PROUD OF STUFF IT WASN'T ANY OF THAT. IT
WAS I WAS A GOOD FATHER, A GOOD MENTOR, I WAS A GOOD
FRIEND. IT WAS ALL ABOUT THEIR CONNECTIONS WITH OTHER
PEOPLE.
>> WHY DO YOU THINK WE GET DISTRACTED?
LIKE DO WE JUST NOT THINK ABOUT OUR MORTALITY ENOUGH?
IT IS NOT REALLY A JOKE. IT IS A SERIOUS QUESTION.
>> WELL, IT IS TRUE. I'M A ZEN PRACTITIONER AND WE TALK
ABOUT MORTALITY ALL THE TIME. TURNS OUT IT MAKES US
HAPPIER REMEMBERING THAT TIME IS SHORT.
>> YEAH.
>> BUT, YOU KNOW, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, RELATIONSHIPS,
WHICH IS THE MOST POWERFUL PREDICTOR OF WELLBEING IN
OUR SCIENTIFIC WORK, RELATIONSHIPS HAVE BEEN THERE
SINCE BEFORE WE HAD WORDS.
THEY ARE LIKE THE AIR WE BREATHE. WE NEVER STOP AND
THINK HOW AM I DOING IN THAT REALM OF MY LIFE?
IT IS NOT MEASURABLE IN THE SAME WAY THAT, YOU KNOW,
MONEY OR AWARDS ARE MEASURABLE.
>> YEAH. WELL, I WAS THINKING A LOT ABOUT BASICALLY
THAT MAIN FINDING OF THE STUDY THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT
THING FOR OUR HAPPINESS IS OUR RELATIONSHIPS AND, LIKE,
IT IS NOT SURPRISING, RIGHT?
IT IS IMPORTANT BUT IT IS NOT SURPRISING. I THINK, YOU
KNOW, WE ARE BASICALLY JUST APES. WE ARE A SOCIAL
SPECIES.
LIKE, I THINK ALL OF US KNOW ON SOME LEVEL THAT OUR
RELATIONSHIPS ARE REALLY IMPORTANT FOR OUR HAPPINESS.
>> YEAH.
>> SO, IF WE KNOW THIS, THEN WHY DO WE STRUGGLE TO DO
IT?
>> WELL, TWO THINGS.
ONE IS THAT THE SURPRISE FOR US WASN'T THAT GOOD
RELATIONSHIPS KEPT PEOPLE HAPPIER. IT WAS THAT IT ALSO
KEPT THEM HEALTHIER AND THEY LIVED LONGER.
WE LIVELONG FER WE HAVE GOOD RELATIONSHIPS AND FIRST
THOUGHT THAT CAN'T BE A REAL FINDING.
>> YEAH.
>> THEN MANY OTHER STUDIES BEGAN TO FIND THE SAME
THING.
THEN YOUR QUESTION IS SO IMPORTANT. WHY DON'T WE PAY
MORE ATTENTION TO OUR RELATIONSHIPS?
BESIDES TAKING THEM FOR GRANTED, THEY ARE COMPLICATED.
ANY RELATIONSHIP OF ANY SIGNIFICANCE HAS CONFLICT.
IT IS CONFUSING AT TIMES AND SO THEY TAKE WORK. THEY
TAKE CONTINUAL WORK.
I THINK THAT IS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT MAKES IT A
LITTLE EASIER TO KEEP THEM ON THE BACKBURNER.
>> YEAH. I KNOW. FOR ME, IT IS LIKE I ACTUALLY THINK
ABOUT THIS A LOT. I REPORT ON FRIENDSHIPS AND
COMMUNITY.
I REALLY WANT TO TRY TO PRIORITIZE MY FRIENDSHIPS AND
MY COMMUNITY BUT LIKE IT DOES FEEL HARD. LIKE IT FEELS
SOMETIMES LIKE SWIMMING UPSTREAM OF FORCES THAT ARE
PULLING YOU TO OTHER THINGS.
DO YOU EVER FEEL THAT WAY?
>> YES, I DO. MANY TIMES PEOPLE SAY, YOU KNOW, I HAVE
SO MUCH GOING ON IN MY LIFE. NOW YOU ARE TELLING ME I
HAVE TO TEND TO MY FRIENDSHIPS AND MY FAMILY?
I THINK, WELL.
>> DID THEY PHRASE IT LIKE THAT?
>> THEY DO.
>> I THINK PEOPLE PHRASE IT LIKE THAT. I JUST DON'T
HAVE TIME FOR THAT.
I THINK, YOU KNOW, WHAT WE FOUND AND WHAT WE STUDIED
ALL THESE PEOPLE IS WE FOUND THAT PEOPLE THAT WERE GOOD
AT THIS JUST TOOK SMALL ACTIONS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
AND THAT IS WHAT MAKES A DIFFERENCE.
IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT YOU CAN ALL THINK OF SOMEBODY
RIGHT NOW WHO YOU MISS AND DON'T SEE ENOUGH AND SEND
THEM A LITTLE TEXT OR NOTE; RIGHT?
WE COULD DO THAT EVERY DAY AND MAKE SURE WE ARE WITH
PEOPLE WE CARE ABOUT AND WHEN WE STUDIED THESE LIVES,
THOSE WERE THE PEOPLE THAT WERE THE HAPPIEST AND LEAST
STRESSED AND FELT LIFE WAS MOST WORTHWHILE.
>> TEXTING IS A TOUGH ONE AND THINK CURRENCY OF MODERN
FRIENDSHIP IS TEXT. I'M VERY BAD AT TEXTING AND DO NEED
TO WORK ON. THAT I WILL LOOK AT MY NOTES FOR A SEK. I
WANTED TO GET THE STUDY RIGHT. A 2019 STUDY IN THE US
FOUND THAT THREE OUT OF FOUR ADULTS FELT MODERATE TO
HIGH LEVELS OF LONELINESS AND KNOW THAT THE PANDEMIC
DIDN'T MAKE THAT BETTER.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT?
FOR THIS EPIDEMIC OF LONELINESS AS THE SURGEON GENERAL
LIKES TO CALL IT, HOW MUCH IS STRUCTURAL OR BEYOND OUR
CONTROL AND HOW MUCH CAN WE BLAME THE PANDEMIC AND
SOCIETY AND HOW MUCH CAN BE CHANGED BY OUR DAILY
CHOICES?
>> WELL, THERE ARE LOTS OF THESE FACTORS THAT ARE NOT
IN OUR CONTROL. EVEN HOW OUR CITIES ARE STRUCTURED AND
JOBS ARE STRUCTURED AND MOBILITY OF OUR SOCIETIES. ALL
OF THAT MAKES FOR MORE LONELINESS.
AND SOCIAL MEDIA MAKES MANY PEOPLE FEEL LONELY WHEN WE
PASSIVELY CONSUME OTHER PEOPLE'S INSTAGRAM FEEDS WE
FEEL BAD ABOUT OURSELVES.
WHAT WE FIND IS THAT IF THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE IS
MORE AND MORE DISCONNECTION, WHICH IT IS, THEN WHAT WE
NEED TO DO IS JUST BE MORE INTENTIONAL ABOUT NOT TAKING
THAT PATH OF DOING THESE ACTIONS THAT WE FOUND WORK SO
WELL FOR PEOPLE.
>> IT IS LIKE SWIMMING UPSTREAM A LITTLE.
>> IT IS A BIT.
>> THAT IS RELEAVING TO A DEGREE BECAUSE IF IT FEELS
HARD THERE IS A REASON NOT LIKE I'M NOT TRYING HARD
ENOUGH.
>> RIGHT. NO. IT IS NOT -- IT IS HARD. IN FACT, WHEN
THEY HAVE DONE STUDIES TALKING TO STRANGERS LIKE ON A
COMMUTE, PEOPLE THINK THEY WILL HATE IT WHEN THEY ARE
ASSIGNED TO TALK TO A STRANGER. THEY ARE SO MUCH
HAPPIER THAN PEOPLE THAT JUST DID THEIR USUAL THING ON
THEIR COMMUTE AND FOUND THERE IS A LITTLE BIT OF
RESISTANCE TO OVERCOME.
>> YEAH.
>> MAYBE THIS PERSON WON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM ME BUT
MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, YOU GET SO MUCH POSITIVE BACK WHEN
YOU DO THAT LITTLE REACHING OUT.
>> WHY DO YOU THINK WE FEEL THAT RESISTANCE?
AREN'T WE A SOCIAL SPECIES?
WHY DO WE NOT WANT TO DO IT AND LIKE EATING VEGETABLES
TO TALK TO SOMEBODY ON THE TRAIN?
>> I WONDER IF PARTLY A CULTURAL THING AND MY WIFE AND
I WERE JUST IN AUSTRALIA AND PEOPLE WERE DIFFERENT
THERE.
>> OKAY.
>> AND PEOPLE WOULD STOP US ON THE STREET. IF WE
LOOKED AT A MAP, THEY WERE LIKE, DO YOU NEED ANY HELP?
WHOA!
THIS IS NOT BOSTON WHERE I LIVE; RIGHT?
I DO THINK THERE IS SOME CULTURAL FACTORS AND IS THIS
PERSON GOING TO THINK I'M CREEPY IF I MAKE AN OVERTURE
TO TALK TO SOMEONE I DON'T KNOW?
I THINK THERE IS SOME OF THAT.
I WILL TELL YOU ONE THING I HAVE DONE IS STARTED TO
TALK TO UBER DRIVERS IF PARTICULARLY HE OR SHE HAS AN
ACCENT I ASK THEM WHERE THEY ARE FROM. IT HAS OPENED UP
SO MANY WONDERFUL CONVERSATIONS ABOUT OTHER COUNTRIES
AND ABOUT OTHER LIVES AND SO I'M JUST SAYING YOU CAN --
WE CAN CULTIVATE THOSE HABITS.
IT INVOLVES PUSHING AGAINST THAT TIDE AND SWIMMING
AGAINST IT.
>> HOW MUCH DO YOU BLAME SMARTPHONES FOR THIS?
LIKE WHAT PERCENT?
>> AUDIENCE: [LAUGHING].
>> THERE IS A RESEARCHER JEAN TWANGY A PSYCHOLOGIST WHO
STUDIED HOW WE USE SMARTPHONES AND HOW WE USE SOCIAL
MEDIA.
HER RESEARCH FINDS THAT IF WE USE THEM PASSIVELY TO
SCROLL THROUGH OTHER PEOPLES LIVES, WE GET -- WE FEEL
WORSE. IF WE ACTIVELY USE SMARTPHONES AND OTHER SOCIAL
MEDIA TO CONNECT, THEN IT ENHANCES WELLBEING.
>> AGAIN WITH THE TEXTING. I HAVE TO DO IT.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> UM, HAVE ANY OF THE STUDIES FINDINGS SURPRISED YOU?
>> UM, YES. THAT ACTUALLY THE -- THAT PRIVILEGE MATTERS
BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER AS MUCH FOR HAPPINESS. THAT OUR
INNER CITY GROUP AND THOSE FAMILIES THAT POOR AND
WORKING-CLASS FAMILIES WERE JUST AS HAPPY ON AVERAGE.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT DEPRIVATION IS OKAY. IT IS NOT.
BUT, WHAT IT MEANS IS THAT PRIVILEGE DOES NOT SEEM TO
BE A TICKET TO HAPPINESS.
>> YEAH. I THINK ANOTHER THEME IN YOUR BOOK ABOUT THIS
STUDY THE GOOD LIFE IS ATTENTION; RIGHT?
SO, WHAT WE ARE GIVING OUR ATTENTION TO IS MAYBE THE
MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT SHAPES OUR EXPERIENCE OF OUR
OWN LIVES.
SO, SPEAKING OF, YOU KNOW, THE SMARTPHONES AND WHAT
NOT, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU NOTICED BUT THERE IS A LOT OF
THINGS THAT COMPETE FOR OUR ATTENTION.
>> YEAH.
>> IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO TO FEEL LIKE WE ARE IN
MORE CONTROL OF OUR ATTENTION AND DIRECTING IT TO
THINGS WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT INSTEAD OF HAVING IT
SUCKED AWAY AND STOLEN BY THINGS THAT ULTIMATELY LEAVE
US FEELING DEPLETED?
>> YES. WE CAN BE INTENTIONAL.
SO, LITERALLY THEY HAVE STUDIED WHAT IT IS LIKE IF YOU
AND I HAVE A CONVERSATION AND THERE IS A SMARTPHONE
SITTING ON THE TABLE.
>> LEFT BACKSTAGE.
>> EVEN IF FACE DOWN, IF THERE IS A SMARTPHONE ON THE
TABLE, OUR CONVERSATION WILL GO TO LESS DEPTH.
>> HUH.
>> THERE IS A SUBLIMINAL SENSE WE COULD BE INTERRUPTED
AT ANY MOMENT. I THINK THE QUESTION IS, CAN WE BE
INTENTIONAL WILL SAYING, OKAY. WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER WE
WON'T HAVE OUR PHONES EVEN VISIBLE. WHEN WE ARE HAVING
A MEAL TOGETHER WE WON'T HAVE PHONES OR IPADS THERE.
>> YEAH. I NOTICED A NORM AT LEAST AMONG MY FRIEND
GROUP; RIGHT?
YOU PUT YOUR PHONE FACE DOWN AND THAT IS KIND OF THE
POLITE THING BUT YOU ARE SAYING THAT IS STILL TOO MUCH.
>> MESSAGE IS WE CAN GET INTERRUPTED AT ANY MOMENT SO
LET'S NOT GET TOO DEEP.
>> THAT IS SO INTERESTING. DO YOU THINK FACTORS THAT
CONTRIBUTE TO OUR HAPPINESS AND HOW WE SPEND OUR
ATTENTION AND ALL THAT SHIFT AS WE AGE?
IS THE THING THAT IS MAKING ME HAPPIEST OR THING THAT
IS SUCKING MY HAPPINESS DIFFERENT AT 16 THAN 40 OR 50
OR 60 OR 70?
>> TOTALLY. THINK ABOUT WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE 16 AND
WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE 66 AND WHAT WE CARE ABOUT IS SO
DIFFERENT AND TURNS OUT THAT AS WE GET OLDER WE GET
HAPPIER AND SENSE THAT AS TIME IS LIMITED I THOUGHT AS
WE GET OLDER WE GET MORE SAD BUT AS A SPECIES WE GET
HAPPIER AND SENSE OF LIMITED TIME MAKES US SAVOR WHAT
IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW WHEREAS 16 TO 24 YEAR OLDS ARE
THE LONELIEST AGE GROUP IN OUR SOCIETY.
>> THEY ARE TRAPPED IN SCHOOLS WITH ALL THEIR PEERS.
>> WE THINK SOME ARE IN COLLEGES AND ARE ALL LIVING
TOGETHER HAVING THEIR BEST LIVES; RIGHT? THAT IS MY
FANTASY BUT NOT TRUE AND ONE THING WE HAVE TO REMEMBER
IS THAT SENSE OF IF WE KEEP PULLING BACK AND SAYING
OKAY. WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT IN MY LIFE THAT IT ENDS
UP MAKING US CHOOSE MORE WISE WILL I AND MAKES US
HAPPIER?
>> IT IS SO INTERESTING AND REALLY HARD WHEN YOU ARE 16
TO 24; RIGHT?
TO IMAGINE YOURSELF THAT FAR INTO THE FUTURE AND WHAT
WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY AT THAT AGE.
SO, I'M CURIOUS IN FOLLOWING THESE PEOPLE OVER THE
COURSE OF THEIR LIVES ARE THERE ANY CHOICES THAT YOU
NOTICE THAT PEOPLE MADE WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER THAT
REALLY DID PAY OFF DOWN THE LINE?
OR CONVERSELY THINGS THAT THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE.
>> YES. ACTUALLY, INVESTING IN RELATIONSHIPS.
SO, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, WE STUDIED DELINQUENT
CHILDREN AND BOYS IN TERRIBLE TROUBLE PART WAY AND THEY
FOUND THAT WAY OUT OF TROUBLE FOR MANY OF THESE YOUNG
MEN WAS THAT THEY FOUND PARTNERS WHO THEY CARED ABOUT
AND WHO WERE GOOD TO THEM AND WHO WERE SENSIBLE.
AND THAT IN ESSENCE WHAT HAPPENS IS THAT INVESTING IF
IN GOOD SOLID PEOPLE WHO TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER AND
ARE KIND TURNS OUT TO MAKE A HUGE DIFFERENCE IN THE
COURSES THAT OUR LIVES TAKE.
>> SORT OF REGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCE?
>> YEAH.
>> OR WHERE YOU START?
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH. SO, HAS WORKING ON THIS STUDY CHANGED YOUR
PERSONAL PRIORITY SNZ.
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU DO THAT YOU THINK YOU MIGHT NOT
HAVE DONE IF YOU DIDN'T TAKE OVER THIS STUDY?
>> DEFINITELY.
SO, I AMLE A HARVARD PROFESSOR AND COULD WORK 24/SEVEN.
THAT IS WHAT WE DO; RIGHT?
I REALIZE THAT ESPECIALLY WHEN MY KIDS WERE OUT OF THE
HOUSE AND NOT DRAGGING ME OFF TO DO THINGS I COULD WORK
ALL THE TIME AND NEGLECT MY FRIENDSHIPS.
SO, MY RESEARCH HAS MADE ME MAKE SURE THAT I CALL UP
FRIENDS AND WE WOULD GO FOR WALKS OR OUT TO DINNER AND
DON'T JUST LEAVE IT TO MY PARTNER TO ARRANGE. I DO THIS
WITH MY FRIENDS.
THAT IS A BIG CHANGE FOR ME.
>> TOTALLY. WE ALL HAVE THAT ONE PERSON IN OUR LIVES
THAT BRINGS THE SPREADSHEET ENERGY; RIGHT?
>> YEAH.
>> TO A TRIP OR ONE THAT IS ALWAYS REACHING OUT. YOU
KNOW?
IF MAYBE YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO STRUGGLES WITH THAT.
>> YEAH.
>> DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS?
>> WELL, FIRST OF ALL, INTROVERTS ARE PERFECTLY FINE
HAVING FEWER PEOPLE IN THEIR LIVES AND THAT WE WANT TO
SAY; RIGHT?
BEING AN EXTROVERT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MAKE YOU HAPPY
AND INTROVERTS NEED FEWER PEOPLE AND IS NOT A PROBLEM
BUT YOU ARE RIGHT. WE CAN BE WITH PEOPLE WHO -- WHO ARE
BETTER AT MAKING THESE CONNECTIONS AND BRING US ALONG.
MY WIFE IS BETTER AT THAT.
THANK GOODNESS.
I'M REALLY LUCKY IN THAT REGARD BUT NEED TO -- I TRY TO
DEVELOP MORE OF THOSE MUSCLES ON MY OWN BECAUSE OF MY
RESEARCH.
>> TOTALLY. I THINK MY -- I HAD A GOOD FRIEND FROM MY
COLLEGE AND WE JOKED SHE MADE ALL MY FRIENDS FOR ME.
>> YEAH.
>> I MOVED AWAY AND HAVE TO PUT IN A LITTLE BIT MORE
WORK.
YEAH. YEAH.
I THINK IN YOUR BOOK YOU TALK ABOUT THIS CONCEPT OF
SOCIAL FITNESS; RIGHT?
>> IT SEEMS LIKE.
>> YEAH.
>> SOME OF THESE THINGS YOU ARE SUGGESTING LIKE, YOU
KNOW, SENDING THAT EXTRA TEXT ONCE A DAY IS ALMOST --
IT MAKES ME THINK OF LIFTING WEIGHTS; RIGHT?
HOW DO WE SOCIALLY SWOLL?
WHAT IS IN OUR FITNESS PROGRAM?
>> THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT.
WE COINED THAT PHRASE BECAUSE IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD
ANALOGY. IF YOU GO LIFT WEIGHTS TODAY YOU DON'T COME
HOME AND GO I DON'T HAVE TO WORK OUT AGAIN.
>> MAYBE.
>> HOPEFULLY YOU DON'T.
>> AUDIENCE: [LAUGHING].
>> IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, LIKE, IF WE COULD DO THESE
ACTIONS DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY IT KEEPS US -- IT KEEPS
THOSE MUSCLES FIT AND IS WHAT WE FOUND AND FOUND THAT
PEOPLE THAT WERE SO GOOD AT THIS WERE PEOPLE THAT DID
IT DAY AFTER DAY. ONE OF THE THINGS, YOU KNOW, WE
NOTICED IS THAT THOSE WERE PEOPLE WHO HAD THE EASIEST
TIME GETTING THROUGH LIFE'S DIFFICULTIES AND LIFE
BRINGS US ALL DIFFICULTIES.
FRIENDSHIPS NOT ONLY KEPT US HAPPIER BUT BUFFERED US
FROM SLINGS AND ARROWS THAT LIFE IS ALWAYS SENDING OUR
WAY.
>> YEAH. YOU KNOW, IT IS ALL WELL AND GOOD TO TALK
ABOUT HABITS AND I'M OFTEN BEATING MYSELF UP FOR NOT
DOING THE HABITS I KNOW I SHOULD AND AGAIN IS THAT
FEELING YOU ARE KIND OF SWIMMING AGAINST THE TIDE OF
SOCIETY WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO PRIORITIZE THESE THINGS
AND WILL ASK YOU TO NARROW IT DOWN.
IF ALL OF US WITH OUR BUSY LIVES COULD ONLY DO ONE
THING AND MAKE ONE HABIT CHANGE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
IF WE ALL LEAVE HERE TODAY AND CHANGE ONE THING?
>> HM. REALLY WATCH WHERE YOU ARE DIRECTING YOUR
ATTENTION AND WHEN YOU CAN DIRECT IT TOWARDS PEOPLE YOU
CARE ABOUT.
>> HM. I MEAN -- THAT WILL DO!
[LAUGHING].
ALL RIGHT.
>> [APPLAUSE].
>> ALL RIGHT. COOL. WELL, THANK SO YOU MUCH, BOB. THIS
HAS BEEN GREAT.
>> THIS IS A PLEASURE.
>> I THINK I HAVE TO GO GET MY PHONE AND SEND SOME
TEXTS AND HOPE EVERYBODY ELSE DOES TOO.
>> THIS WAS FUN. THANK YOU ALL.
>> THANK YOU.
>> AUDIENCE: [APPLAUSE].