I’ve had different people contacting me about “La Bise”.
Journalists being like, uh Paul, uh
As you’re a foreigner, and you did a sketch on 'la bise',
would you like to give us
an interview on what you think of la bise
after the Coronavirus? A couple of people in
in French media have interviewed me about “La Bise”.
And, one of the people that interviewed me was
Society magazine, a pretty good magazine
here in France, Society magazine, it’s a
it’s a quinzomadaire,
a biweekly magazine
And so, they did an article on “La Bise”,
and it was basically “Death to La Bise”, right, which
I was a fan of. Look at that. Look at... If you’re watching this,
you can see the tombstone there : Here lies la bise
The article here, has got a
- a bunch of stuff about “La Bise” dying, right?
And we - I - they interviewed me - it was very
- it was a cool interview!
I enjoyed it. It was a lot of fun. Here’s
what, what they said, what was left
out of my interview at the end. In quotes,
“‘Spain, Italy, and France are particularly
hard-hit by the Coronavirus. Well,
human contacts are very intense there.
La bise may have played
a role in the transmission of the epidemic’
opines comedian Paul Taylor.”
I like how it’s in perfect French.
I didn't say that.
I said, along those lines. But
not in that good French. My French is not that good.
“Advocates for la bise will argue that
this British man just doesn’t like pecks on the cheek.
In 2016, tired of offering his cheeks
ten times a day at the office, as well as at parties,
he posted a video where he attacked the kissing ritual.
More than three million views later,
the former Apple employee settled in France,
looks back at this success.”
And this is what I said about the success,
“If the sketch worked that well,
it’s because la bise is at the heart of a heated
controversy."
I did not say that,
because I don’t know what houleuse means.
A little like the debate between ‘pain au chocolat’ and
‘chocolatine,’ there are those who love it,
those who hate it, those who do it twice, three,
or four.
It’s so complicated, a website ‘combiendesbises.com’
allows people to say how many they have to do
in their region.
People are saying, is “La Bise”,
“Is la bise dead?” I checked today,
France Info, here’s another one, right? France Info,
is the news website that I go to
and I checked France Info.
Guess what was on France Info?
Oh! “Coronavirus: after the crisis,
the end of la bise?”
I have news for you people.
“La Bise” has not fucking died, alright?
I went to a birthday party, this week.
A friend’s daughter’s birthday party.
Six years old, and we went there
- we go there every year to their house for a -
the house party! There’s like ten of us, and
it’s the families, and I was like,
alright, here’s what’s gonna happen.
I was talking to my wife, I’m like, Hey, we should go
to the house party,
and for a joke, we should wear the masks.
that- were made,
“La bise à 2 mètres/La bise at two meters”,
which were made by a company called
"Monsieur TSHIRT",
who I work with to make my t-shirts,
and they made me a mask:
La bise à 2 mètres/La bise at two meters.
So I was gonna walk into the house, for a laugh,
with this mask on, being like, “Hey! La bise à 2 mètres!”
I was like, “Nah, this is pointless. We’ll just walk in.
No one’s gonna give each other “La Bise”.”
Fucking everyone, gave each other “La Bise”!
I walked into the house, bang,
straight away, “mwah, mwah, How are things?”
I was like, (screams)
“Have you not been watching the news?” Jesus Christ!
What are you doing? Not only that, in the house party,
different generations!
My baby’s in there,
the six-year-old, there’s a bunch of kids in there.
*Louise cries* (To Louise) Exactly!
There’s a bunch of people my age in there,
and there’s also the parents in there, so like
sixty, seventy-year-old people.
Everyone’s kissing each other!
“Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah !”
(Hyperventilates)
I was having cold sweat, so I couldn’t deal with it.
I was like, La- “La Bise” is not over.
It’s definitely not over.
Like France, fuck me!
Can we not just agree to stop doing this?
Why are you still kissing people on the face?
There’s a global pandemic
and that still hasn’t stopped you from *Mwah, mwah*
No, but anyhow, if I have the virus,
I have the virus, no? Don’t worry, eh! I didn’t get it, eh
I didn’t get it, so it’s not possible!”
Fucking, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
Not only is it dangerous - literally now.
Before, I was joking, when I was like,
Yeah, if we’re sick...
“...you know, we might be sick.”
Now it’s, it could be lethal.
People can die because of this shit,
of going “mwah, mwah”. Not only that, second of all,
it’s pretty sexist, right? You know what? I - I -
I do “La Bise” to the guys as well, in this house, right?
And they - they just, because of the quarantine,
their beards are like sticking out - no one’s
doing anything, no one’s shaving anything,
so I’m touching these disgusting beards
that have got like fucking yoghurt in them,
since the 27th of March. Fucking
- That’s com - The beard has got coronavirus in it.
Know what else is... (gags)?
So, I - Ladies, I can’t - I just - I - I just, fuck.
Let’s just - let’s just finish it. Let’s just fin -
why are we still doing it? France, fuck me,
get over it, finish it!
Put it in the grave.
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