uh here in my head I have a copy of a catalog it's the Boston University
1996 freshman record I assume many of you folks are familiar with this publication
and perhaps some of you actually have your photo in the magazine and I guess what it
is is hey I'm coming to college I want everybody to get a real good look at me
so uh well for example here like here you see this this is kind of
an interesting that caught my eye do you see that one right
there this is this is somebody who wants everybody to know yes I'm a ventriloquist
everybody
everybody know that he has a special skill and uh
uh but we were you know if you think about it there's a future of America right here young uh
men and women very bright coming to college and and I was looking through her and I thought you
know it would be so nice because in my life I've been very lucky I have this wonderful network
television show I have Paul I have everybody here we've been so lucky is there any way we can pass
on some of this good fortune to somebody else so we're looking through here and I said you know
what we ought to do just more or less pick out a kid here in the catalog at random and through
the vast powerful resources of this show and the CBS television network will find that kid
and just turn him into like a big man on campus you know what I mean so we came across this guy
right here you see there circled in red there he is his name is uh Michael Hirsch and he's
from uh Alberton New York Albertson New York and Michael's interests are a business and people
business
I said oh that's that one two points I mean think about this if you're
interested in business and not in people well then you're screwed because who are
you going to be doing business with well nobody uh so we found out where it was
that uh Michael lived and a couple of weeks ago we just unannounced showed up and paid
a surprise visit to Michael Hirsch to help this kid become a big man on campus foreign
looks like an autopsy doesn't it I noticed it prominently displayed that you have a
collection of uh cans I didn't get a chance to recycle them so I just stuck them up on the wall
this is your lucky day you know why why Michael we are going to make you a big man on campus what
do you say okay cool huh yeah yeah you know if you're the Big Man on Campus you need like a
catchy nickname I mean Michael Hirsch is a lovely name but we need we need like a nickname for you
do you have a nickname now not really Hirsch Hersh that people call you Hershey sometimes Hershey
like the candy bar yeah the bar try it call him the bar Hey look it's the bar all right the bar
exactly you know what else you need theme song a theme song Here We Go Hersh is his
last name oh it sounds like Hershey Hershey bar the bar the bar the bar all right
but I suppose Rod is doing now one two three
you know bar if you're gonna be the Big Man on Campus you have to be popular and
to be popular you have to do something that makes people like you really really well
how old are you
36 37 38 38 cans
what you need now is like the best looking girl on campus for a date
so I was thinking about her what do you think wow that's Megan McGuire
Hi Megan I'm Michael the bar Hirsch hi let's go yeah wait hold on one second sure right
oh she's on the phone
I hang up on that loser
of people and business and you like people and and drama so uh why don't we just take
a second here for the two of you to enjoy each other ask people all right
foreign
there's just one final thing you have to do
you have to do something to get people's attention three two one no he knows what's wrong
number
foreign
oh my God are you having fun now all right and that really wasn't you naked on the field was it