On the show I've said before that I will talk about anything. Today is one of those days
where I'm going to talk about a not so comfortable topic which is suicide. It has been on the
hearts and minds of some of you, you've asked for help so hopefully I can give you some.
Recently I received a note from a Stuff Mom Never Told You viewer who asked to remain
anonymous. 'I have a friend who told me that she has had suicidal thoughts. She has told
me that she has bipolar disorder but I'm not sure if she was diagnosed or simply thinks
she is bipolar. I have done some research and I found that for the most part all I can
do is listen and be there for her. But I don't feel like that's enough. Do you have any advice
for me?' I would reassure you that listening and being there for a friend can mean a lot.
You can also ask her questions. How she's doing, whether she has tried to enact any
kind of suicidal behaviors, if she's attempted to hurt herself. If she has seen a therapist.
It's important for people to express outwardly to someone else what they're going through.
If you find out that she isn't getting any kind of help whatsoever, encourage her to
seek treatment. If you don't feel like you can go to her parents and talk to them about
it, talk to your parents about it, talk to a guidance councilor, to a teacher, to an
older friend, someone who might be able to set her up with resources, someone professional
that she can talk to and really, really work through the kinds of issues that are perpetuating
these kinds of suicidal thoughts that she's telling you that she's having. That isn't
to devalue the importance of listening and being there for her but it's important to
get her talking in the first place. I also got a comment from sunlightdawns. 'About a
month and a half ago someone very dear to me tried to take her own life and then hid
it from me for nearly a week. It was really unexpected and I suffered a mental breakdown
from the event as well. Life is sort of back to normal but I feel kind of at a loss as
to what to do. The less the subject comes up the more relaxed I am. I don't feel like
acting as if it never happened is the right thing but at the same time I don't really
know what I'm doing and I want do do something that will be beneficial for both of us.' So
if I were you I would try to talk to a grief councilor if at all possible or find a support
group possibly through the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention or a similar organization
so that you can talk to other people about this experience. Those kinds of resources
can empower you with tools to then help your friend from a healthier space. If you're then
trying to approach her from this more fearful and understandably over-protective place that
you're in right now it could possibly drive her away. It sounds like to that you might
need to relinquish some guilt. You are not responsible for your friend attempting to
take her own life. You can take responsibility for your self, take care of some issues that
are being triggered inside of you so that you can be as best a friend as possible in
the future. Particularly for teenagers or younger viewers watching, if you have a friend
who is talking about suicide, the three most important things you can do for that person
are first to ask. Ask how they're doing, how they're feeling, whether their parents know
what's going on, whether they've attempted to hurt themselves. Listen to what they say.
Don't simply try to talk them out of anything. Your job is merely to ask and listen. Then
you need to tell someone. If your friend tries to swear you to secrecy, to not tell anybody
that they are feeling suicidal, that is not a secret that you need to keep. Talk to a
guidance councilor, talk to a teacher, talk to a trusted adult, someone who can get your
friend help. Even if you feel like you might be endangering that friendship by betraying
that kind of trust, it's more important that your friend gets help than you keep this potentially
life-threatening secret. If you think that your friend is in danger of taking his or
her own life you can call nine-one-one, you can call a suicide hotline, you can get help.
There's a researcher named Roy Baumeister who has done a lot of investigation into the
psychological underpinnings of suicidal behavior. There was a quote from one of his studies
that jumped out at me. 'A large body of evidence is consistent with the view that suicide is
preceded by events that fall short of high standards and expectations whether produced
by past achievements, chronically favorable circumstances or external demands. It's important
to pay attention to people in our lives who are going through difficult circumstances.
In all other areas they might totally have it together, they have good grades, they have
had money in the bank, they have come from favorable life circumstances but it's actually
those people who might be most vulnerable to suicide or contemplating suicide. If you
have experienced anything that is actually related to this and feel comfortable doing
so please share in the comments below so that we can all help each other and in the meantime
I hope that this video has been helpful for at least some of you out there as well. Thanks
everybody and stay safe.