*Theme Music
>>Dr. Amen: Hi, I’m Dr. Daniel Amen. >>Tana: And I’m Tana Amen. Welcome to Change
Your Brain, Change Your Life. >>Dr. Amen: You are not stuck with the brain
you have. You can make it better and we can prove it. In this episode, we’re going to
talk about the brain and relationships. So the first part of the brain that I just find
so stinking and interesting is the prefrontal cortex. So it’s the front third of the brain,
the largest thing humans and any other animals. 30% of the human brain, 11% of the Chimpanzee
brain, 7% of your dog’s brain, 3% of your cat’s brain and 1% of the mouse’s brain.
Focus, forethought, judgment, impulse control, organization, planning, empathy, learning
from the mistakes that you make. So when it works right you have a good filter. Jerry
Seinfeld once said, ‘The brain is a sneaky organ. We all get weird, crazy, stupid, sexual,
violent thoughts that no one should ever hear.’ So if you’re frontal lobes are low because
you’re drinking too much or you had a brain injury, all of the sudden, those thoughts
get out. >>Tana: Well you see, a lot of people don’t
know that drinking drops the function frontal lobe which is why you make bad decisions.
>>Dr. Amen: And why there’s more fighting in couples when people have had a couple of
drinks because … >>Tana: because your filter is not working.
>>Dr. Amen: Right. >>Tana: We all know if you’re married, any
of you who are married, no, that you should definitely not say anything you’re thinking,
now, unless you’re me. >>Dr. Amen: A filter is a good idea.
>>Tana: Right. >>Dr. Amen: But when it’s hurt, forethought
is hurt. >>Tana: Right.
>>Dr. Amen: And so you might go, “Oh, she’s cute.” So even though your goal is to stay
married and have a loving, passionate, long-term relationship, all of the sudden, your behavior
wanders and that can devastate your life. >>Tana: Right.
>>Dr. Amen: I’ve seen that so often. >>Tana: And then people look back and go,
“I don’t even know why that happened.” They’re not even sure, they didn’t mean,
that they’re not sure why it happened but it happened because they were giving in the
moment. >>Dr. Amen: So your behavior can be of, I
have an exercise I do with couples we call the ‘One-Page Miracle.’ On one piece of
paper, write down what you want in your relationship and it’s a frontal lobe exercise because
with you, I want a kind, caring, loving and supportive relationship, right?
>>Tana: Right. >>Dr. Amen: But you know, I don’t always
feel that way. >>Tana: At least you know I’m hearing the
truth. >>Dr. Amen: You know, let’s just say something
nasty but when my frontal lobes work right, I’m like, “Don’t say that.”
>>Tana: Well I’m lucky he has five sisters and a wonderful mother so I always say he
came housebroken and fully trained. >>Dr. Amen: And I know if you say that stupid
thing, they remember it forever. >>Tana: Mind like a steel trap.
>>Dr. Amen: So pain is a really good teacher. Another system of the brain which is another
really interesting one is called the anterior cingulate gyrus. I know it’s a long term
but it’s basically the brain’s gear shifter. It allowed you to go from thought to thought,
move from idea, being flexible, go with the flow.
>>Tana: So shifting back and forth. >>Dr. Amen: And when serotonin levels are
low and did you know birth control pills lower serotonin levels?
>>Tana: Yeah. >>Dr. Amen: People become worried, rigid,
inflexible when things don’t go their way. >>Tana: Well, and that’s not the only thing
that lower serotonin levels. So 80-90% of the serotonin in your body is made in your
gut, not in your brains, that’s why the gut is often referred to as the ‘second
brain.’ So, when you have … >>Dr. Amen: And we’re going to develop a
brain-directed pro-biotic coming next week. >>Tana: So when you have trouble with your
digestive system which is why we’re so focused on nutrition here and lifestyle tips and why
we think we get some of our best testimonials from our nutrition department because we really
focus on healing that gut. >>Dr. Amen: So when serotonin levels go down,
your cingulate starts working too hard – worried, rigid, inflexible, things don’t go your
way, you get upset. You tend to be argumentative and oppositional, hold grudges and the cingulate
is also really interesting and that’s where, it’s the part of your brain that notices
errors. So people with low serotonin they tend to notice what’s wrong about their
own bodies, they tend to notice what’s wrong about their kids or with their husband or
the people at work. >>Tana: So, let’s talk for one second because
I know it’s coming and I’m just going to like, I’m just going to bring up the
elephant in the room. So don’t look at me like that. So, PMS. So when we get close to
their cycles, serotonin drops. >>Dr. Amen: Serotonin drops, cingulate goes
up. >>Tana: So you already know this because,
think about it with me for a second. What do women crave when they have PMS? – Chocolate,
alcohol, pasta, right? They crave the things that are going to …
>>Dr. Amen: And sugar raises serotonin. >>Tana: Right. So any type of simple carbohydrate
like pasta, rice, potatoes, chocolate … >>Dr. Amen: Or even alcohol.
>>Tana: alcohol increase serotonin so you naturally know that you want this, you need
this. When you get to the stage in your cycle, it’s very helpful to know what’s happening.
I think just by knowing what’s happening, it makes the big difference.
>>Dr. Amen: And what, what I’ve found in the PMS studies I’ve done because I’ve
scanned a lot of women at the good time of their cycle and then at the vulnerable time
of their cycle, their cingulate goes up – worried, rigid, inflexible, notice errors and their
prefrontal cortex goes down, so now they don’t have good control over what they say, so all
of those things sort of come out. >>Tana: So if you want to understand what’s
happening, it gives you that opportunity to go in advance. Okay, so if I have these thoughts,
you know just take a second >>Dr. Amen: How do you calm down the cingulate,
you raise serotonin and you can do that with exercise. You can do it with serotonin mood
support, which has 5-HTP and saffron in it. The spice saffron is awesome. Simple carbohydrates
but healthier ones like garbanzo beans and sweet potatoes and your life is better. So
let’s quickly talk about the other three systems. They are so important. One called
the limbic system. It’s your emotional. It’s the bonding which I totally am bonded
and adore you. The limbic system is also involved with mood. It sets your emotional tone how
happy or sad you are. It’s involved in bonding, larger in women than in men, which is why
women are primary caretakers for children and the elderly. When the limbic system works
too hard, people tend to be sad, they tend to be negative, they focus on what’s wrong
rather than what’s right and exercise helps that too. Fish oil helps that but not fish
oil that’s high in DHA; it’s got to be higher in EPA. It’s a very important point.
Another area of the brain that can really affect relationships is called the basil ganglia
– deep, large structures in the brain. When they work too hard people tend to be anxious,
tensed, nervous, predict the worse and in order to have a wonderful love life, you have
to feel a little bit relaxed. Unfortunately, sometimes they’ll use alcohol to relax them
but then it drops their frontal lobes and they’ll say something that hurts their partner’s
feelings and then there’s no love. One of my good friends, Dr. Earl Henslin, says, ‘No
forethought equals no foreplay.’ And then the last area of the brain to talk about quickly
in Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, there’s a whole section on this in my book, the Brain
in Love, is the temporal lobe. So the temporal lobes are underneath your temples behind your
large structures. They are involved with language, learning, memory, mood stability and temper
control and when one of them is hurt, sometimes people can be really irritable, they can take
things the wrong way, they’re almost a little bit paranoid, they think people are talking
about them even though they’re not. Getting those healthy can be so important and if you
have a flash temper, getting a scan can be really helpful. We see it, understand it,
target treatment for … >>Tana: We’re talking all about these brain
systems and what they’re responsible for but there’s a really cool connection about
the food-mood connection and I love this because it’s a big part of what we do here is teach
people how to really connect their brain, body and those functions and do a lot of it
naturally. So you’re talking about serotonin and we also, you know, there’s dopamine
also for people who lack focus and maybe need help with their frontal lobes, their forethought
and impulse control. So things that help elevate serotonin naturally and in a healthy way so
women with PMS or someone who just is sad, worried, rigid, inflexible. So, things like
sweet potatoes are great. A little bit of quinoa pasta or an apple with some almond
butter on it would be fabulous. You know I’ve got recipes for apple cobbler during that
time we were mentors, it’s amazing. So we want you not focusing on the simple carbs
that are going to, you know, make you, you know, overweight, feeble-minded and affect
your brain, we want you to focus on the carbs that are going to really boost serotonin,
make you happy and also make you healthy at the same time. Now dopamine is the opposite,
so you want something that’s going to increase your drive, your motivation and your focus.
>>Dr. Amen: Steak! >>Tana: We want protein, so things like eggs
and lean, high-quality protein so grass-feed meats or free range chickens, and you know
wild salmon, things like that. That’s going to really increase focus and you want to focus
on having protein about every three to four hours during the day, small amounts.
Dr. Amen: Because that stabilizes your blood sugar. So researchers measured 107 couples’
blood sugar levels right before bed and then they gave them voodoo dolls, and they said,
“We want you to express your feelings about your partner with pins in the dolls,” and
people who had the lowest blood sugar, had more than double the number of pins in the
dolls. Tana: Yeah, interesting.
>>Dr. Amen: And it so fits this one because if she doesn’t eat, if I don’t feed her
on a regular basis, oh my god, I’m like, pull over, like put it in you know, put nuts
in the car, protein bars >>Tana: I know I’m like a squirrel. I carry
food everywhere. I’m like a squirrel. >>Dr. Amen: Isn’t that interesting though,
when your brain’s not right, your relationships aren’t right.
>>Tana: Absolutely. >>Dr. Amen: And I love this one more than
anyone in the world. >>Tana: I have to finish this last point.
>>Dr. Amen: Excuse me. I’m on TV. I’m telling you, I’m pouring my heart out to
you. >>Tana: I adore you.
>>Dr. Amen: My brain out to you. It’s not really your heart. I don’t love her with
all my heart. I love her with all my brain. She’s not going to break my heart. She’s
going to break my brain. But if my brain’s not right I won’t act in a way that’s
consistent to get me what I want which is kind, caring, loving, supportive, passionate
relationship for the rest of my life. I’ve seen too many people they love their partners
and because they’re brains are not right, they make bad decisions and they devastate
their relationship and they regret that moment for the rest of their lives. Take care of
your brain. >>Tana: Okay, now can I finish my point? No.
I just want to finish the point about the protein. What you don’t want to do is have
large amounts of protein at one time. You don’t want to …
>>Dr. Amen: I just poured out my soul to you and I were like, ‘large amount of protein.’
>>Tana: So it’s what happens when you interrupt me before I’m done. It’s what married
couples do right? No. I want to make sure I finish this point because it’s really
important. You want to be thinking of protein like medicines – small amounts throughout
the day. You don’t want to go eat a large portion of protein for breakfast and then
not eat anything until dinner and that goes to what you were saying. So think of it like
medicine – two to three ounces every three to four hours.
>>Dr. Amen: If this has been interesting to you, write a comment below. Send us a video
on how your brain has impacted your relationships and what you can do going forward. You also
can go to our Mindworks store and get the Brain in Love or the Brain on Joy bars. Totally
it just be an awesome gift for you and if you’re struggling in your relationships
but you’re in love and you want to make it work, make an appointment at one of our
clinics. I’m Dr. Daniel Amen. >>Tana: I’m Tana Amen. Thank you.