hey guys welcome to wednesday weigh-in this week
not that good peter don't they say if you watch that video you die yeah that's a lot of baloney
so let's start off with the three questions first one is have you ever done keto and would you ever
do keto no i have never done keto and no i would not do keto ever i know there's a lot of people
who do keto and they're very successful with it but it's just like not something i would do
especially because doctors have told me don't do it if i have misinformation i do apologize but
from what i've learned what i've been told keto is actually made for people who have epilepsy
and by eating very little to no carb it causes less brain activity so a minute
where they didn't have as many seizures and i know that carbs sends energy to your brain i
don't think it's like unhealthy it's just like not for me at all next question is what are the
worst pains you experience that you think will go away with weight loss so mentally i feel a lot of
like emotional pain when it comes to my weight because i feel like i am being held back because
i can't do the things that i want to do which in return i feel like i'm holding my partner back
because there's things that we want to do in the future and it's like it hurts me knowing
that like this is all up to me and to be a part of her future and to be a part of the future we
have created like traveling i'm so excited like i have to lose weight it's not even debatable at
this point let's quietly and calmly discuss the pros and cons of your controversial plan shall we
khan you're endangering your health con you're setting a bad example for the children
you're running the air conditioner non-stop it's freezing in here come on i'm finding myself less
attracted to you physically and you know when it comes physically i feel like i honestly don't feel
pain like you think i would like oh my god this is all funny this is how [ __ ] buddy look at this
you know sometimes i have backaches but with the weight loss it's not as often i honestly wow now
that i think about it like i literally am not in pain i feel like majority of the things that i'm
experiencing is like mental obviously there's a lot of struggles that comes with being my size
i have a huge bruise on the side of my leg why you may ask well since the seat belt doesn't fit me
the seat belt buckle is always sticking up and my thighs are so big and my hips are so big that
every time i'm in the car i'm actually sitting on the seat belt buckle it is rather painful and i
have an everlasting bruise and if you would have asked me this question at my heaviest
i would have told you leg pain ankle pain knee pain back pain all kinds of pain like that but
currently with the weight loss i could safely say that a lot of the pain has gone away like
my little skeleton has over 400 pounds just like chilling on it so it's it's not comfy by any means
last question is where do you physically notice the weight loss on your body so i notice it in my
legs a little bit i notice it a little bit in my arms i guess my upper abdomen area but majority
is definitely my face and my neck sometimes i feel like i look like a completely different person and
a lot of people say it's because my hair is down and i'm like covering my face with my hair so for
the sake of an argument let's put on a bun i look so weird with my hair like this because like i
do not wear my hair like this anymore at all but i'm just going to throw up some comparison videos
right here with my hair up like it's kind of neat to see the comparison because it's like
wow i'm actually losing weight and i know a lot of people like don't notice my weight loss which
is totally fine it's going to take a little minute there because i am so big if someone who was 300
got down to 220 you would definitely notice but someone who was almost 600 pounds getting down to
below 500 you don't notice as much okay so we're just going to continue this
video with my hair cuz i'm like taking it down really just i don't know what to do but like this
is how my foot normally looks like that chunky but like and then this one is like this it's really
bad i had a really bad fever shivers aches i was miserable my leg got highlighter red it was kind
of scary i got put on antibiotics and stuff like that so on saturday okay hold on last wednesday
i weighed 491.6 on saturday i weighed 482.6 so because of my fever i lost almost 10 pounds in
like three days but then once i started feeling better i didn't count calories for the rest of the
week i wasn't really watching what i was eating i was more so just like just not caring honestly
i have been in a very bad head space and i hate making excuses but this is literally my current
reality i've just been feeling overwhelmed like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and
i just feel extremely lonely and it's like i don't know if it's from how i'm supposed
to be going through menopause i don't know if it's like seasonal depression but i just feel
like i i need help
i did get a therapist this is gonna sound bad but i don't believe in therapy like
i don't and it's like i don't i it's hard for me to open up with strangers like one-on-one
like that like i feel like it's different me talking to you guys like this because i've been
doing it for so long it's like i really i need to talk to someone and figure this out because
i just can't keep i can't keep playing like this what i'm trying to say is i have been turning to
food to help me feel better and in return it's making me feel worse this makes me oh god i i
hate talking about mental health in videos now because like i used to be so open and honest
with my mental health and people like attacked me for it but i know there are people watching
me who are going through like the same thing but i think maybe that's why i feel comfortable
um talking about things like this i was born on drugs so we know my mom did drugs even before
i was born so recently like i was seeing a lot of comments like when i was really happy
and people were saying i was manic i was going through a high
and i was getting extremely defensive over it i come from a crazy family that's the truth i come
from drug addicts bipolar people um mentally ill people just i do that is the family i come from
did you honestly think that i was going to be the only normal one did you um
because it's like i want to be happy because i'm happy like i don't want to be happy because hi i'm
bipolar and i'm actually just like going through a manic episode like that's just painful but
it's like how i've been feeling lately i'm like afraid that i might be going through a low and
i'm like concerned because those lows are really bad and i just don't want to
burden the people around me with this okay clearly i needed like to talk about how i was feeling
but i'm gonna stop now okay so last wednesday i was 491.6 and today i was
so that means i'm only down 0.2 it means that i am down exactly 81 pounds
and i need to be happy about that because that's an amazing accomplishment like but my therapist
she specializes in a bunch of different things and the top ones that i am very grateful that she
specializes in is eating disorders and trauma from the past and as you guys know i suffer really bad
with binge eating food addiction just to like turn into food for every possible reason that i can
so she wants me to try intuitive eating i am very unsure about it like i'm just being
completely honest with her that weight loss is without a doubt a goal and i know a lot
of people who specialize in intuitive eating they don't really focus on weight loss but i feel like
at a point in my life i need to focus on weight loss so if there's a way i can intuitively eat
because she feels like that's right for me while i'm trying to heal from vengeance and like food
addiction i want to also be able to choose the healthier options and to still continue
losing weight because that is what i need to do right now it just sucks i'm trying to recover from
binge eating while trying to lose weight and sometimes both of those don't go hand in hand
but they need to because i need to change and that includes weight loss thankfully she said intuitive
eating don't worry for me it's not something i drive with we can still continue on the therapists
patient relationship and just like make it more about my past and my current situations my mental
health and things like that instead of focusing so much around the eating this is gonna sound
bad but i don't believe in therapy like i don't i think that's me just being like super optimistic
about it and i think that's a good thing so i hope that you guys did enjoy this video
i'm sorry it got kind of emotional um i'm just i don't know my heart feels really heavy right now
i will see you guys in the next video bye i'm always sure you see through your flaws
cause i know that you got so much more to give you made a real mess but i miss you though
cause i can go to sleep when i'm alone again