World Cup 2022 Portugal vs Uruguay
Ronaldo is totally free - the irony Bruno swings it in
It’s in!
-It was me!
I scored!
It touched me I swear!
Cross my abs and hope to die!
Siu Er, I don’t think so, Cristiano
Goal!
Bruno Fernandes
WHAT?!!!!!!!!
SIU!
Right that does it…
Leave, goal thief…
Yes Cristiano
You have reached FIFA.
In a few words, please say why you are ringing today
I’d like to make a complaint You’d like to make a donation brackets bribe
- is that right?
No, I’d like to make a complaint You’d like to make a complaint - is that right?
Yes Are you sure you wouldn’t like to make a
donation brackets bribe?
No - I wouldn’t like to make a donation brackets bribe.
I’d like to make a complaint!!!
You’d like to make a complaint and possible donation brackets bribe
What?
Is that right?
Fine, yes.
We’re transferring you to a member of the team now.
Please have your payment details ready.
Ciao, you’re speaking with Gianni Infantino.
Today I feel disabled.
Come again?
Please read out the long number across the front of your card.
I’m not making a donation brackets bribe Of course you’re not, nudge nudge wink wink.
I’m not!
I’m making a complaint!
Oh not another one - okay sir, if your complaint is related to migrant worker fatalities,
human rights abuses in QATAR or rainbows please press the red button on your screen now
It’s none of those.
Well that’s a first.
It’s Cristiano Ronaldo.
I just scored a perfectly good goal but the Messi fanboys working the scoreboard
just awarded it to Bruno Fernandes.
Oh I see I want this corrected immediately!
Let me just pop you on hold sir while I check the footage
No problem…
MUSIC = Interested in hosting a World Cup?
Then make us an offer we can’t refuse!
Thank you for holding, Mr. Ronaldo.
Unfortunately sir, it appears you didn’t touch the ball
Then today you must feel blind!
It touched my head!
Whereabouts?
On the head.
Whereabouts on the head?
On the hairy part.
Don’t get clever with me, show off.
I’m not getting clever - it literally hit my hair!
Sorry sir, there’s nothing I can do.
But - Unless…
Unless what?
Unless you were willing to make a small donation brackets bribe?
Oh, now it makes sense.
This is black mail!
Yes, today I feel African.
No, I meant you’re blackmailing me you son of a bitch!
Wait til Piers Morgan hears about this!
Thank you for calling sir.
Wait! Fine.
How much do I need to donate?
50 Million Euros.
WHAT?!!!!!!!
And a signed shirt for each of my four children.
You are taking the p***.
With respect Mr. Ronaldo, I’ve just watched the footage.
It’s you who’s taking the p***.
How about 5 million euro?
50 million, take it or leave it.
No way!
Psst, Remember our deal
Or I can waive the 50 million euro donation and you come and play in the Qatar Stars League?
50 million euros it is.
Done.
Siu!
So can you announce it over the speakers?
Announce what?
That I scored the goal and not Bruno hit and hope Fernandes?
Sorry, who is this?
It’s Ronaldo - I just paid you 50m Euros to award me that goal.
Confirmation of the goalscorer Bruno Fernandes
Today I feel forgetful.
Ciao!
Oh you freckly red haired piece of poop.
Oh my mamma miai, I heard that.
Thank you for donating to FIFA.
Goodbye
Breaking News: FIFA have banned Cristiano
Ronaldo for the rest of the World Cup for using discriminatory language.