Group hug!
I've lost weight off my shoulder - Okay
- I was looking at myself in the mirror - Yeah
- A very rare thing to happen.
And I noticed that I looked slightly more delicate on my one side, and I'm actually really pleased,
'cause I have actually been working out
- On your one side? - Yeah, I'd, I've just been working out half of my side - Okay
- I've noticed that I've got a slightly stronger side and a slightly weaker side
so I thought I'd just work out my one side
- You think that's funny, right? That actually ... - I'm not laughing, actually - Yeah but like ...
How are we just getting along on the planet, knowing that we have one hand that's worse at doing everything?
And it's like ... - Yeah
- What? - Well, now I have one good shoulder, and I'm really quite pleased about it,
so I was thinking about making a separate Instagram account, just for this shoulder
- I know what you're saying. I've got one good ... you know
- Probably shouldn't make an Instagram account about that. - I mean, no
- I mean, you could. It might get more followers than you.
I hate cyclists
And I'm gonna say it.
No, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.
I'm allowed to have an opinion. I'll tell you why I hate cyclists
Because every situation I've had with a cyclist has been rude on their part.
Literally, here are my rights. I'm walking with my rights, right?
I'm like, Yeah? Got my rights. And they ... - They think they've got more rights than you
- Right? Right? But the thing is, I've got my rights
And right up behind me, they go, "Dingdingdingdingding!" And I'm like ...
- Okay. First of all, why are you shouting? You're already so aggressive about this.
- I'm really quite passionate about it - Right. Second of all,
I know this because, although I cannot drive
- No - ... I have taken the theory and test many, many times
It says pedestrians always have the right-of-way - Okay? So when they ding me - Yeah
- I'm so over it. First of all, yeah, I can see you. You're right there
And second of all, go around
- It's ... It finds you. - Third of all, you do not have more rights than me - No
As a driver, I hate them - Yeah - because ... no ... Just let me
They go annoyingly slow, because obviously there's no engine
And they decide that, because they're there, they're like,
Ahem, got that little head helmet cam,
just in case anyone do them wrong,
and they can go straight to the Daily Mail
Is it tandem like that? - Yeah, the way they both, both togeth ... - Whatever it is. Parallel
So they take up more of the road. I'm like, "#$%@! Isn't that fun? You're taking up more space."
"And you're going so slowly."
- Rose and I have had several ideas for Youtube videos over the years, right?
We were doing the correct speed
- Yeah - And people were speeding
- Yes - And they try to bully you across, didn't they? Right? - Not me
- And they try and go really fast, up your bum
And we wanted to ...
We wanted to get speed limit signs and just hold them up
"It's thirty" or whatever ... - Well, not on a motorway, Rosie. It's seventy on a motorway
- Alright I can't, I think we all know I can't drive - I think that, I mean, I think thirty on a motorway ...
... is just Ross Geller, isn't it?
Um, so ... Sorry, Friends reference you probably don't understand - I don't understand it.
But also Ross Geller's my least favourite friend
I have a little note thing, right, where any of my random, like, thoughts and theories,
I, I just write them down
'Cause I like to keep it organic. We never have a conversation on camera that we've the conversation in real life
- And ... - I don't like to do that
- ... nothing's more organic than note-taking and referring back to your notes - Yeah ...
No, but I wrote this at, like, literally at one in the morning the other day,
I, I don't know if you remember but I went, "So I'm turning on my phone light. I need to write something down."
- Yeah I remember - This was the pressing thing that I really felt I had to write down - Okay. I'm excited.
- "Young people don't know the Cotton-Eyed Joe song!!!" Three exclamation marks.
I used to, yearly at least, sometimes twice yearly, go to a barn dance.
Like, it was a thing - I used to go ... - ... in my village where I lived
This is in Leisington[?]. At the Leisington Hall. - Oh god ...
- ... where I used to get basil - Where we met! - ... barn dance ... Where we met!
Also my mum got married there, or had her after-party there or something. I can't remember - Is that true?
- Someone, someone got married there ... - I don't think that's true
- Yeah it was - I don't think she got married there
- No, she went there at some point - In her life that wasn't her wedding. Anyway, continue - I can't remember
- I love Rosie. Rosie will have a memory, and attach ... - No, it was. She did! She did!
- ... and attach an entirely different memory ... - I'm ringing my mum
- ... into that memory - I'm ringing my mum - It's like me saying,
"I met Rosie in 2008 at Halloween party at Leisington Hall and we got married that night."
This is great ... Don't ring your mum
- Hi, mum. Listen, when you got married, at some point during the day,
did we go to Leisington, that hall place?
Yeah. How come we went there? - (Damn it)
- We had the evening, too, there. Yeah. Thought so. But we also had at grandma's, right?
Okay [?]
Did you hear that? - I heard nothing.
Before you say anything, guarantee there was no one at the end of that phone.
There's no need to take your top off to prove a point.
- I've invented a new baby, um, voice word.
So ... - Rosie, your baby voice has got so extreme lately,
it actually works better - It's constant
I know! - I don't know why. I should be more used to it and more immune, but actually I'm not. It's annoying me.
- Right. Well you might really like what I've come up with, right?
But basically, I say, one of my baby voices is I say,
"Wone, does you wuv?" Right?
And that's "Does you wuv", right? And it means "Do you love (me)"
And I say it to Dave. I go, "Dave, does you wuv?"
So I got a new one
- It makes my eyes water, I don't know why - Right, but ...
Listen to this, right - Yeah, go on, then
- It's for these guys. "Does you wub?"
What it means is, "Does you wuv" and "Does you sub".
- "Does you wub" ... - "Does you wub".
Guys, ... Wait, let me work it on them - Rosie, that sounds like "do you rub"
- No. "Do you wub". Let me ... - No, but it sounds like "do you rub" - No, it's "sub" and "wuv"
- Rosie, I don't think that's okay - Shush
Listen. Let me work it.
Hold on
You can zoom in. - Rosie, it hasn't altered ... - Shhh, shhh
Let me!
Guys,
does you wub?
hm?
Does, does you wub?
Do you think they wub?
Do you think they wub? - Stop it
Wone. Does they wub? - One day it won't work
- What annoyed me is, when we first got in a relationship, right?
- What? What are you gonna say? - And I had the baby voice, right?
And Rosie used to melt so hard
- I do now! - She used to do anything - I do now!
- Yeah, but, no, but you still, like, - No
- If I'm like, "Make me a cup of tea", you'd still, like, "Why can't you get it yourself?"
- Yeah, that's annoying. But when you go, like, "does you wuv" - But you used to ... I ...
And you used to bring me two drinks at once. Like that's how whipped you were, right?
And, and then what happened was, in our relationship is, Rose realized what I was doing,
turned it around, and created her own baby voice,
which annoyed me, 'cause it wasn't organic - Hey! - It was made out of manipulation
- Hey! that's not true. The essence of the baby voice is from a good place
- I can't think what you do, but you were doing the ... other day to me ...
- I don't do it for the camera, because that's just for you
but you can do it, because you need more subs
- First of all, it's "wubs".
And second of all, yeah I could do it to wubs
My channel's called thewoxetera and you could wub - No, that's too much. That's not gonna work on anyone
- It'll work - That's not gonna work on anyone, mate
- Awww, does you wub?
- It sounds like ...
"Does you wub" ... Anyway, it doesn't even work on me, so luckily I'm immune
- You're cute. %$#@. You're a cute one. &$#$@#@? You're cute
- Damn it. You looked ... Aarrgh
- You know you can freak out about the fact that we're just, like, a tiny person on a whole planet that's in a whole galaxy
You know you could kind of freak out about that? Yeah?
Like an existential crisis
I have something different that I freak out about that I don't think anyone else freaks out about, but it really freaks me out
- Max? [?] - No. Well, yeah
But, doesn't it freak you out that everyone has different faces?
I used to do this thing when I was young when I pretended that I was the leader of my own religion
Don't be freaked out. Everyone does it when they were a kid
Um, and I used to look at my hand
and wait until it freaked me out enough, and I'd be like,
"That's my hand."
- And was that the religion?
- It really wasn't anything about the religion. The religion didn't go very well. I'll tell you why.
First of all, one of my teddy bears wouldn't get on board with, like, the main kind of, like, beliefs of my religion
- Yeah. Which were? What were the core, like ... - Me
And you know what? We all do weird things when we're young. Like that ...
Like that time I had this ironing board
that I used to ... - Pretend was your wife! - No, stop, shh, no, stop, stop. I will tell them the story if I must!
I was gonna save it for a revelation in the future
Basically when I was young - I love this story - ... figuring myself out
I had this ironing board that I used to pretend to iron my dolly's clothes on
- Was it real ironing board?
Or the child's ... - No, it was a piece of wood that you could just erect as an ironing board - Okay
But it used to go flat - Right
- And when it went flat, I drew a woman's face on it
- I love how it's a woman and you were a child. You didn't yet know you were gay - A woman's face. I did not know I was gay
When it was flat, I used to put it in my bed and tuck it in
- Right - ... and pretend the ironing board was my lover
- Was it your wife?
- I don't really know - I swear it was married and it was your wife. Babe, did you call her a name?
- No - Or did you call her "ironing board"? - All I knew was that I felt ashamed of it.
and that I hid it from my parents - I think you knew you were gay
Subconcicously - I didn't ... All I knew is - Not, not actually in your brain, but deep down - Yeah
- And that's why it was a woman's face - Yeah. Whenever I used to play as a child, I was the boy
I was the man. Do you know what I mean?
- Mm - That's just how it was.
When I was playing Independence Day this one time on my own,
I don't know what kind of games I played as a child - Independence ... ? - But Independence Day was one of them.
But I was the president,
because at the time, Bill Pullman was everything I wanted to be - He was hot, right? - He was hot, right?
- He was hot! - But I didn't want ... This is the thing. This is what I'm so gay.
I didn't fancy him. I wanted to BE ... - Be him - Bill Pullman
- Yeah, I get it - You know? - I get it
- So ... - Sometimes I wanna be Cliff from Bring It On
- I mean, yeah, who doesn't?
He's got a lot of saliva, but apart from that, he's ... - He has got big side smile.
- Yeah, he has - He's like "I'm Cliff %&$"
- Yeah, but it's how he gets away with it, you know? He's like ...
So I drew this lady on my ironing board
- Mm hm - And we lived a happy life together for a while
- I mean, where is she? - She couldn't bear children, which proved an issue with my playing routine
Um, because I wanted to be a father - Couldn't she have tiny ironing boards?
- I didn't have that - I had a tiny ironing board!
- This is why we're made for each other - I know!
Ahhhh ... What would you do now if, like, fast forward a few years, we have a child, right,
and we walk into her room and she has some wife ironing board in her bed?
Didn't you, so did you use to sleep next to her? - Yeah
I used to kiss it
You left, you left that bit out
- Oh, no, we had a ro ... - Did you make out with ... - ... we had a romantic relationship
Just so that's a hundred percent clear - How old were you? - I must have been about seven
- And you kissed the ironing board who's a woman? - Yeah, yeah
- That ... You were so gay ... - She was lovely - ... that your ironing board was ... I just love that
- That ironing board was my wife - That you gave a female ...
You drew it a fe ... so what was its face like?
- Oh, okay, - You drew ... - ... so she had beautiful blue eyes and big red lipstick.
So yeah, that's really the story of, of my development, you know, as a child - Wow
I never thought I'd share that story because I've never told anyone that - You told me it, and I ...
- Did I? - D'you know what? Yeah, I knew it was your wife
D'you know what? It makes me love you more - Really?
Should I tell them about the time I used to put a Thunderbirds 3 toy down my trousers and pretended I had a ...
- I had a ... Yeah - Yeah - Yeah
- Did I tell them that before?
- No but it's so funny. We discussed this.
'Cause I was obsessed with the Thunderbird ... Is it 2? The green one?
- Yeah, my, that, ... - ... that's like, fat. - That, that one didn't work
- That was more ... - So, third bird's ... - That's more girth than length
Yeah - Thunderbirds 3 was really the one - Yeah