- Ladies, I got so emotional.
I recently just lost my father, and he was my best friend.
And so I miss those phone call, I miss those hugs,
I miss him so much, he was like my best friend.
So I can see how much you love your mother.
And I know deep down in your heart
the main reason why you take care of her so much
'cause you just wanna feel like,
this is my duty, this is what I'm supposed to do.
And when I looked at that video, I saw my sister Sugie,
when my father passed away
she had like almost made her have a nervous breakdown.
And at one point I really felt like, wow,
am I gonna loose my sister too?
And so you have to listen to your daughter.
Because your mama's lived, she's had.
She's lived a wonderful life,
and I think we just want to hold on,
and we become so selfish, and we kinda forget about things.
But don't forget about your daughter.
(audience applauds)
Just don't, don't forget about your children.
Okay?
So that's why I mean, y'all gonna learn about Vivica
with us doing basic truth, child.
I'm as strong as I wanna be, but I'm very sensitive.
And we just, especially women, we do so much for others,
that we just sometimes forget about self care
and taking care of ourselves.
(audience applauds)
- [Woman] Why do you think your mom's
gonna kill herself taking care of grandma?
- Well, when I talk to my mom
and she tells me that she has chest pains,
or she has numbness on one side of her body,
so pre-stroke symptoms and things of that nature,
I feel like your body is trying to tell you
that you're doing too much.
- Shawn, when's the last time you got a checkup?
- I haven't gotten a checkup.
I haven't had a physical, or a mammogram,
or any self care, I don't know, it's been at least--
- Do you hear your daughter telling you,
your heart, and you're getting numbness,
that maybe you need to take a day to go a get a checkup?
- Yes.
- Shawn's 17 year year old Brawn joins us now via Skype.
Brawn, you agree with your sister on this right?
- Yes I do, I would say that it'd be better
for my grandma to go in a nursing home,
so that my mom could preserve her own health.
Because she's been at this for about eight years.
I'm not really sure if my grandma would now the difference
between a nursing home and our house,
which I know my mom would dispute me on, but I just think
that's what's best for everybody unfortunately.
But I don't know if it should
necessarily be met with sadness, it's just a stage of life
that everyone has to go through at some time or another.
- Brawn I know you also mentioned that it's been tough,
in the actual living environment of the house
has changed over the years as grandma's needs have grown.
So tell us a little bit about that.
- The home kinda has the feel of a nursing home,
because there are a bunch of notes all around the house
for the caretakers and recipes of what they give my grandma.
And it actually makes the feel of the house kinda weird,
and I don't really like being around the house too much.
And like, my house used to be the spot
where all my friends used to hangout when I was younger,
and I don't really like taking people over
and being at home too much.
I prefer to go over to their houses and hang out.
- [Vivica] Can I ask you Shawn,
what are the notes that are taped everywhere?
- So the notes are recipes, in large measure.
The recipes for green drinks, the schedule of what
the morning trays are supposed to have on them.
- [Vivica] But why taped around everywhere?
- So that they are visual, I mean,
we don't have like a computer system or anything.
- Did you see how that looks?
- Oh yeah, I realize, I realize.
- Okay, I mean, because you've got
a young man, man in your house
who's saying he feels embarrassed to bring his friends over.
What it looks like to me it's like that
you've become so absorbed with all of this,
that you have slightly started to neglect
your relationships with your children as well too.
You have to open your mind to hear them,
before you lose them.
- And Shawn, have you even considered
a nursing care facility?
Have you gone to look at any, have you visited any,
is it even a possibility?
- Yes, over the eight year period,
I have visited I think three nursing homes.
- Yeah, she just recently visited a nursing home,
she liked it, but she'll find a problem with everything.
Like for example, there was new floor is the room,
and there were fumes.
So then she made a big deal
about how my grandma needs to have green flooring options,
that are good for the environment.
And she needs to speak with the flooring person,
and she needs custom this, and she needs a view of this,
and it's just--
- Do you hear that Shawn?
- [Shawn] Yes.
- Did you do that?
- Yes, I did do that.
I don't want mom inhaling chemicals that may be bad for her.
- But that's airs out.
- I mean, it's a leadership thing.
I am the leader with respect to taking care of grandma,
and I'm just leading, I'm not--
- [Woman] But what happens when the leader falls down?
- I'm not a micromanager, and I'm not over the top.
- You're not a micromanager?
(audience laughs)
- Alright Brawn, well we thank you so much
for coming on and facing the truth.