My husband doesn't have time for me. Hi, my name is Paul Friedman. I founded
The Marriage Foundation and I did so because I developed a system for
marriage that truly works and I did this after I was a divorce mediator for some
time very successful but I realized through one particular couple that the
people who have been helping people with their marriages didn't know what they
were doing. I mean, most of the virtually -- all except for a few referrals all of my
clients came from marriage therapists who couldn't save marriages.
When I asked them confidentially, how many marriages do you save? You know what
they told me? They said, "Mostly, we just help people get through this. We
know we're not going to be able to help them." And what they say was they're
usually too far gone and I thought that doesn't make any sense to me. It doesn't
make any sense to me because it's like -- let's say you get a flat tire but
you can't get off the road right away. Well, you're never going to throw away the
car you just fix the flat. Maybe you'll have to fix the rim too but that's the
worst that'll happen. And I thought, why aren't they fixing these marriages? And
then I had a couple come to me and they didn't really want to get a divorce, they
just didn't know what else to do. I started looking into this and this
symptom of yours that your husband doesn't have enough time for you.
This is typical. Men start to sort of pull away. It's one of the earlier
symptoms. Now, I'm going to be honest with you. Most wives wait way too long.
One of the counselors -- and we have free counseling service. One of the
counselors sent me one of the messages today from someone who said
"My husband and I have been divorced for a year but I don't want to throw away 21
years of marriage. Is it too late? I'm just going Wow, that is really too late if
you're already divorced but it takes that to be too late.
Mostly, it's not too late but here's the thing. If your husband is not spending a
lot of time with you, wake up call. Wake up, time for you to see. There's a reason
what's the reason? Don't say it's because he, because he, because he... Don't give me
that. It's because he doesn't want to be around you and I don't mean to hurt your
feelings or be an a-hole about this but come on. If you want to be around
somebody you're around them and if you're not finding time for them
there's a good reason. So this video, I'm going to try and help you see the reason
because it's a reason. Now, it's got a lot of parts to it
but there's a primary reason and that way you can do something about
it before you're on that slippery slope heading for a divorce. So, ask yourself
"Why did my husband marry me?" Now, you don't know the answer. You're going to come
up with what you think are answers but I'm going to give you the real answer and I
used to play this game with the couples who had come to see me. I would say to
them. "All right. Why did you get married?" And we'll list it on the whiteboard, I
always use the whiteboard because I'm not a therapist. Let's list it on the
whiteboard. You tell me why and when you are done, I'll tell you the real reason
why you got married. And if it's not -- be honest and I won't charge you. My
sessions were $300 -- it wasn't cheap. Out of 200 couples, one got the answer
right. So, why did you get married? There's only one reason -- to be happier. Forget
about all the answering reasons like "I want to have kids. I want to be with my
soul mate. He knocks my socks off blah blah blah. He provides well." Forget all
that. You wanted to be happier that's the bottom line. So, why do you think he
married you? He wanted to be happier too. And, what brings happiness to a man?
Now everyone smirks at that one. They go, "I have sex." No, there's a lot of men who
are married and they're not having sex and there's a lot of men these days who
will be engaged for a long time without having sex. The world is starting to
become moral again. It's because a woman has something
a man doesn't have because of biology. Women because you have children you're
biologically constructed to psychologically be tapped in to your
heart; men are not. Men are psychologically
tapped in to be protectors, providers, the strength. They don't have this. Men do
some, it can be developed but it's not natural to them so they want to find a
woman who is worth this doorway. I'm going to use the term infinity because love
has a no barrier. Love is an infinite joy, infinite bliss and you're walking around
with that that's who you are to him until you complain, until you criticize
until you turn him down when he wants to be affectionate, until you put up the
barriers. Now you could blame him. You could say
"Well, of course, I put up the barriers. He wants to have sex. I've been working
all day. He comes in, he thinks he could just grab my butt and off we go." Well, how
do you do it? I mean sometimes you may have to redirect him. I could do with
your children but that's another topic, isn't it? The point is, he's not receiving
the love that you promised him when you got married because you did. You promised
it, you said out loud. It wasn't just one of these hidden assumptive promises. It
was, "I promise to love you with all my heart mind and soul until death do we
part." You probably even said it even after
that I'm going to love you, but you don't. I say that with total confidence that I'm
correct. Do you know why? Because I know with all the people I've worked with and
my understanding of marriage that when that is there you own -- you own your
husband. He'll do anything for you. He wants to spend time with you. Why? Why do
you want to spend time with certain people? They fulfill you. So if you're
able to hear this, if you've come this far into this video, you're not normal.
A lot of women these days, they want to put the blame on their husbands and find a
way to manipulate him back into line. You don't want to go there. You want to have
the joyful marriage that you originally envisioned when you first got married.
Filled with joy, filled with happiness day after day getting better and better
that's what you want and you can have it. Now, I'm going to tell you something.
Don't do this on your own. It's sort of like there's the Ten
Commandments, right? Thou shalt not lie. Well, but there's exceptions. It's better
to lie than to get somebody killed. Marriage is simple but there's so
many moving parts. I studied it, gained what I have learned -- it's so cheap
compared to trial and error and you'll never do it with trial and error anyway.
Use one of my books it's nothing.
Breaking the Cycle or Lessons for a Happy Marriage. They're both amazing and if
your marriage is in serious trouble but it's probably not then maybe you would
need the course for a women but I doubt very much you do that's expensive but
it's really useful when you're sliding towards divorce. So, you got married to be
happy. Your husband got married to be happy. You're not only not giving him
that happiness and that love but you're likely taking it away -- it won't work.
You got a shift, you gotta be who you promised you would be and he doesn't
have to earn that -- that's a whole another topic, isn't it? You could subscribe to
more of my videos or you could just browse through them. You could like this
and share it. You could comment on it but I just want you to be happily married.
Blessings to you, blessings to your husband
and blessings to your family. God bless!