-Jack Whitehall!
Jack, it's great to see you again.
-It's lovely to be here. -Welcome back.
I know -- You have stories.
I want to ask you about this,
'cause you just came back from the Super Bowl.
-Oh, my God, yeah. The Super Bowl.
-Now, yes, that's a -- Now, do you know what that is?
-Yes. I am now -- I was under the impression
that I was attending a Rihanna concert, but...
[ Cheers and applause ]
yes, some football did break out sporadically.
I've got to say, as well, Philly fans --
they can put their alcohol away.
-Oh, yeah, yeah. -Oh, my God!
[ Cheers and applause ] -They know how to do it.
-I've never seen anything like it.
10:00 in the morning.
I was like, "I'll go there early.
I'll soak up some of the atmosphere."
There was a Philly fan in a jersey and the face paint,
big tall boy of lager, peeing up against a wall.
Going, "Fly, Eagles, fly!"
-Yeah. -Yeah.
And I have to say, the men weren't much better.
It was... [ Laughter ]
-I didn't know that. Oh, my goodness.
Peeing against the wall.
But it must have been -- Is it different --
I mean, there's nothing like that quite in England, is there?
-No. I mean, like, the scale of it compared to, like,
sport in the U.K. -- like, sport is a joke.
Like, the halftime show. Oh, my God. Rihanna -- amazing.
In England, when you watch, like, the Premier League,
our halftime shows, they just put on, like,
Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline," and send out the mascot.
And you have Rihanna doing, like, a full-blown concert
with hundreds of dancers and fireworks and a light show.
Ours is a couple of local kindergarten kids
kicking penalties past a grown man dressed as a dinosaur.
-Yeah. That sounds pretty good, actually.
-Yeah, I know. -I like that. Not bad.
Yesterday was Valentine's Day.
And did you get a chance to celebrate with your girlfriend?
-Oh, I'm afraid I'm on tour over here, she's back in England,
so it was spent alone in my hotel room
eating Popeyes chicken and watching a couple episodes of
"Naked and Afraid."
-Oh, my gosh!
Are you a romantic guy?
-Yeah, I mean, I'm quite a romantic person.
She sent me gifts, as well. -Oh, she did?
-Yeah. But she doesn't -- She just buys me
passive-aggressive presents now.
So, like, it was just, like, a load of
toiletries and cleaning products,
'cause she thinks that I won't wash when I'm on tour.
And she, like, has a habit of doing this.
She did it, actually, Christmas.
She bought me something called the Manscaper.
Are you aware of -- Do you -- Are you a manscaper yourself?
-That's -- I'm way past that. No, I don't.
-What? That surprises me.
I look at you and I would be like,
"This guy is like a dolphin from the neck down."
You look so smooth.
You must manscape. -In some ways, I am.
-Yes, I walked in on you in your dressing room,
and that's a blowhole.
-That's what it is. -Row that back in to shore.
-That's right, yeah.
-Yeah, but, so, I use the Manscaper
'cause I, previously, was like, you know,
Chewbacca from the neck down.
And I was like -- Well, my girlfriend gave me
this Manscaper -- passive-aggressive present.
-That's nice. That's nice of her.
-"Deal with yourself."
So, anyway, I started u-- Sorry.
I'm going into quite a lot of detail here.
Sorry to put anyone off their dinner plans.
But I started keeping myself a little bit tidy.
I had this awful situation, though,
because I was using the Manscaper
and I looked down and I saw a red hair.
And I was like, "Oh, my God.
Maybe I'm going ginger down there."
I Googled it. Not, like, a thing.
So then I was like, "Oh, my God. Well, then whose hair is it?
Another man has been scaping in my bathroom!"
And she came back from the show.
I confronted her, holding aloft this hair.
I was like, "Who is he? Where is he?"
And she came clean. She was laughing in my face.
Do you know how it got there?
She admitted that she had been using my Manscaper on the dog.
[ Applause ]
-Well, there you go. -Unacceptable.
-But the dog looks great.
-Oh, yeah, the dog -- Coco looks --
Lovely little Brazilian she did.
It's a lovely... -Yeah.
Right now, you're on tour all across North America.
Look, you're in Philly February 16th --
tomorrow, you're in Philly, at The Miller Theater.
Then you're back here this Friday
at the Beacon Theatre in New York.
-Yeah. -That's fun -- in New York.
-I'm so excited. -Do you...
[ Cheers and applause ] -Thank you.
-Do you remember your first gig in America?
-I do. It was -- Yes.
It was not as prestigious as the Beacon Theatre in New York.
It was actually just after I'd done my U.K. tour,
and I'd finished at Wembley Stadium
and had this amazing experience.
It was so cool. And I flew over to L.A.
And I said to my agent, "Yeah, just book me a gig so that,
you know, I don't get too rusty."
And he sent me the address of the gig.
And I arrived at the address
and I looked up, and it was a sex shop.
And I was like, "Oh, this must be some kind of a joke."
I walked in. I looked around. I called my agent.
I was like, "Ha-ha, very funny.
You've sent me the address for a sex shop."
And he went, "No, that's where the gig is.
It's like a quirky alternative night.
They just put out some chairs, and the show is in a sex shop."
And I said, "Well, I'm sorry.
I do have some standards, and this does not meet
the threshold for what I'm willing --
I'm not performing in a sex shop."
And I hung up.
I said, "Just, you know, make an excuse,
say that I'm delayed, or my plane crashed into the ocean.
I don't care.
I'm not doing a show in a sex shop."
-Yes.
-And then the bloody owner of the gig comes over.
He's like, "Are you here for the comedy?"
And I was like, "No,"
and then realized, because I'd said "no,"
that I would have to act like I was just a customer
in the sex shop.
So, I was, like, browsing through some of the items,
trying on a couple of nipple tassels.
-Oh, my God! -I walked straight out of there.
I was like, "This is too humiliating even for me."
So I'm so pleased that, on this tour, as you can see,
there's not a single sex shop.
-But he is available.
He's available for bookings at sex shops, if you really want.
He's the one-and-only Jack Whitehall, everybody.
-Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
-For more info on Jack's tour, go to jackwhitehall.com.
Always great to see you, buddy. -You are hairier than I thought.
-More "Tonight Show" after the break.
Stick around, everybody.