- What's going on, roaches?
I'm calling it right now.
If I don't win, you have to use our code ArcadeCloudPlays
in the Epic Store.
What, no that's not a win-win for both of us!
Shoosh.
I don't even know what you're talkin' about.
Burning like a bright pink pretty comet right
over the factories.
I'm gonna go smooch all over that meteor.
Whoa, what?
It looks like cheese in here!
A cheese chest, gimme gimme gimme!
Ah!
This meteor ain't big enough for the two of us!
palengo360, thanks for that early mornin' roachin'!
♪ I feel like an astronaut ♪
Like I said, there's only room for one
on this giant molten cheese rock.
#cheeserock
That's right, get your dirty paws off of Roach's rock.
Oh no, the loot!
Come back!
Time to dive.
Oh, I guess I just floated down.
Was really expecting to die right there.
Listen roaches, I know that Tanner came by yesterday
and really let me have it.
But I'm here to prove that I'm not just some loser who sits
in his mom's basement all day
in front of a green screen.
I'm a real roach!
Replenishing real fast.
Let's head to the circle.
I'm tired of walking!
Oh, almost got stuck in a tree there.
Aw, a nice quiet neighborhood all for me to,
wait, what?
A horde?
Roaches, I have not seen this before.
Better be on high alert.
(spooky foreboding music)
Whoa, sniper!
Build Roach, build!
Have a taste of your own medicine!
Let me in, let me in!
Here's Roachy!
Phew, that was close.
She almost shot through all of my shields.
Back to the horde.
This seems way more fun.
(spooky foreboding music)
Something with a health bar.
Better shoot it.
Victory for Roach!
You're welcome, humanity.
And look, it dropped loot!
Hey look, someone else is braving the hordes are over.
Looks like they haven't spotted me yet.
Didn't even see it coming, roached!
I hear zombie noises.
Can you keep that shrieking down?
Wait, no, I didn't mean it!
Ahh!
Run Roach, shelter!
Someone's in that house.
Roach from above!
Tanner!
Ha, I knew I'd prove you wrong today!
I hear a chest.
Wait, no!
(sad piano melody) Oh god, I destroyed it!
Why do I destroy everything I touch?
Zombies, in my house?
It's more likely than you think.
I wonder if grandpappy ever had to deal with the horde.
(creepy zombie voice moaning "Brains")
Oh no, one mention of grandpappy and these things go wild!
They must hate throwback jokes.
(canned audience laughter)
Back off, you!
Ah, my god!
Oh lord, he's comin'!
Ah, that one is huge!
I regret everything!
Whoohoo!
Ouch, these things don't hold back!
I don't know about you, roaches,
but I feel like this is a great way to start
off the October Halloween kind of feel!
It's like Left 4 Dead, but,
you know, way more colorful.
It's the Night of the Living Roached,
and I think I've had my share.
Get out, get out!
Phew.
Okay, well back to less exciting roaching.
Man, without zombies,
this whole roaching thing is kind of dull.
I think I'm going to skip ahead to the excitement.
(sped-up elevator music)
♪ Loot crate in the sky with goodies ♪
Now to grab my reward and hope nobody else comes to take it.
Aw, crapbaskets!
Ding dong, it's Roach o' clock!
Slippery, that one!
Well, that was dizzying!
Made me climb all the way up here just to roach you!
Another challenger, I welcome it!
Be very quiet, I'm huntin' roaches!
Say goodbye, fort!
Nice landing, bro, you just got adjacent roached!
Escape time, yeah!
Ouch!
Ow wow wow!
Aww!
I'm in pain!
One second, I'm thirsty.
- Be sure to stay hydrated, gamers!
- Got 'em!
Let me just en-roach in all this roach approach.
Do you guys think that was enough roach puns?
(canned audience boos)
A hidden roach, for me?
♪ Sweet, sweet roach-tery, yeah! ♪
I'm doing super well, you guys!
Like, nothing can stop me!
Yeah, this is my game!
Ermagerd, another chug jug!
Okay, where to now...
Oops, I am being shot at.
Initiate walls!
Uh, too many walls!
He's got the high ground!
I'm not high enough, ah!
Aw man, I was doing so well!
This guy totally out-built me, too.
(sigh)
Well roaches, that's gonna bring us
to the end of this Roach Plays.
At least Tanner didn't come to make fun of me this time.
You know what would really make me feel better, roaches?
If you guys went and used the code ArcadeCloudPlays
at the Epic Store!
If you do that,
I might even feel a little bit better about this L.
(loudly smacks)