[MUSIC PLAYING]
Yeah!
I look like a dollar bill.
I look like I'm about to shoot this shit up.
Oh, shit.
Thursday episode.
Y'all ready for some TV?
Y'all ready?
Listen, I don't want to--
I don't want-- I'm not censoring myself.
I want my lawyer present.
When I talk about the contents of this vest.
Um, yeah, I got a little Blistex in here, you know.
You got, like-- you got, like, a Lactaid pill.
Yeah, yeah--
Like, got a granola bar in case she gets winded.
Like, a little 8-ounce bottle of water, just in case
I get dehydrated, you know?
Important shit.
And also salmon, so I can-- just in case I gotta just
eat the shit, like some wild Bear Grylls shit,
you know what I mean?
You know?
Yeah.
I got mad, like, Werther's mints and shit,
like at the bottom of this shit.
Like, if you dig in here, there's mad pennies and shit.
Like, there's an old "Watchtower"
that I took out of pity.
You know what I'm saying?
Because Titi was, like, 90, and she gave
it to me in the subway station.
Yo, you got hot goss on deck?
What's good!
Hot white goss, all right!
Let's go!
White goss!
Yo, hit 'em with it!
You guys got to make a muthafuckin' intro
graphic for that.
"Hot goss with Julia."
All right, what's up with this hot, scorching white goss?
What?
Yeah, I saw that.
And then people thought she had Coke on the back of her phone.
Yeah, then everyone was like, yo!
They're doing wide lines of coke in this picture.
And I was like, oh, shit.
And if you look on it and look, it
kind of looks like there's coke residue
on the back of the phone.
MERO: Whoa!
Yo, shortie was gettin' wild skizzy!
Oh!
We hittin' the pennies OK!
She was like, [SNORT],, let's go back
to the fucking coffee shop!
Yeah!
Set you perked, nigga!
She gettin' perked up for real.
But it turned out it was a sticker.
Oh.
That's not coke.
Also, like, who does coke on the back of a phone?
Like, that's just wasteful.
Nobody in Hollywood.
Like, you're not going to put your phone down
inside the bathroom.
Choppin' shit right on the back of a fucking iPhone.
You know, and then if you put it
down, like, on the table at Gotham Hall,
your coke gets wet.
What, the Cuba Gooding Jr?
The "Tekashi Show."
Yeah.
What?
Who's playing Tekashi?
We are.
We're in it.
MERO: [LAUGHING]
Blickie with the sticky now.
Yo!
Does that technically make Showtime a snitch?
Yo!
Is this show going to effect our budget in any way?
Or-- I mean, that's going to be a lot of makeup.
Isn't this just the "Joker"?
Like shot with, like-- on film?
Yeah.
Also, shot out to everyone that's visiting
the "Joker" steps in the Bronx.
I hope you all get robbed.
Yeah, facts.
All a y'all.
See what?
Oh, no, no, I don't go to movies.
No, no.
I just got to church.
You know.
I'm gonna get the screener.
And then when it collects dust, I'm gonna be like--
[BLOWING],, I guess I'll watch this--
on my PlayStation.
Why, y'all got blueray players?
Like, what the fuck?
Motherfucker's all quiet like, ya-hahaha!
Like, what the fuck?
I think people-- who still got a DVD player?
Damn.
Yo, if you got a fucking video game system in your crib,
that shit plays DVDs.
Come on.
No, actually--
The Dad gang back there.
Actually, no, you can't just put it in, because on the Xbox
you got to download a program to watch the DVD.
And you be like, I ain't doing all this.
Fuck this.
I'm sorry, we're not all rich for PlayStations.
I mean, I got both.
She just-- What the fuck!
Dad gang.
He's like, yo, I got all the "Blue's Clues" DVDs.
Wassup.
Niggas ain't bangin' like me.
Yeah, I got--
dad gang-- Y'all excited for Disney Plus?
Yo-- no, not at all.
You have to get it.
It got, like, every Disney movie ever made,
every show ever made.
Like, they got shows from the '80s that
you and and I even like--
I'm not even sure this really was a Disney movie.
So does YouTube.
The little "The Little Crack vial that Could" and shit.
You like, what is this?
I don't do none of that shit.
I just find that shit on YouTube.
I'm like, yo, you want to watch "Peppa Pig"?
You watching this shit in Russian.
I don't care.
You know what I'm saying?
Your poor, poor kids.
They're going to grow up, start speaking mad languages
and shit.
I'm like, yo, I'm the perfect dad.
You go.
Watch how I can speak Belgian.
Is that a real language?
I don't know.
Josh is like, no, it's not.
Sure, yeah, why not?
Yeah, yeah, let's say yes.
They got waffles.
You speak Belgian.
I don't give a fuck.
OK.
Belgish.
That sounds worse than Belgian.
Do you speak Flemish?
Like,
[GAGGING] yo, yo, what up?
[HACKING] Fuck outta here.
With Belgium?
Are you guys ready?
Y'all ready?
[CHEERS, APPLAUSE]
DESUS: All right!
Yeah!
Let's get it!
The only dude to ever come out of Belgium was Van Damme.
Facts.
[THEME MUSIC]