(light music)
- [Narrator] Hi Psych2goers.
Welcome back to another video.
To start off we would like to thank you all
for the support that you've given us.
Psych2go's mission is to make psychology
and mental health more accessible to everyone.
And you definitely help us do that.
Now back to the video.
Is there someone in your life who asks for your help a lot
but then never takes your advice.
Do they always talk about how bad their situation is
but don't do anything to help change it.
This person may have a victim based mindset
where they think that everyone is out to get them
and that everything is out of their control.
As a result, you may feel drained to constantly witness
their perpetual state of discontentment.
So here are 10 signs
that someone is always playing the victim.
Before we begin, we would like to mention
that this video is for educational purposes only.
It's not intended to diagnose.
Please talk with a counselor, life coach
or other professional if you're struggling.
It's also important to note
that there are people who have hardships that are valid.
Even if it may be hard to understand.
this video is not to discredit or devalue the experiences
of others, but to shed light on an issue.
Now let's begin.
Number one, they try to manipulate you.
Does it seem like there's always
something bad happening to this person.
While it may seem like someone
is just going through a hard time,
they may be pulling the victim card to manipulate you.
Perhaps they always try to find ways
to get you to feel sorry for them,
or they blame you for things out of their control.
They may be trying to get you to believe
that they are the victim
to get you to abandon your own needs, to support theirs.
Number two, they place blame elsewhere.
Have they ever taken any responsibility for their feelings
or made efforts to improve their situation?
People with a victim mentality
tend to blame their shortcomings on external factors.
Perhaps they feel that a bad relationship
from their past is the cause of their unhappiness.
They may use this as a reason to explain
why they are stuck at where they are in life.
Number three, they hold onto the past.
Do they hold grudges on other people
and refuse to forgive or forget their wrongdoings.
People playing the victim tend to hold onto past events
no matter how big or small the experience was,
they're unable to let anything go
and may use it as an obstacle to stay where they are.
For instance, they may talk excessively
about an ex partner long after the relationship has ended
or ruminate about a past failure
to the point that it interferes with them moving forward.
Number four, they make excuses.
Are they able to make an excuse for any situation?
No matter what advice you give
they may deflect it by making some excuse.
Maybe they think they aren't smart enough
to pursue a certain hobby
or that learning a new skill takes too much time,
energy and money to learn.
So they avoid it completely.
This habit combined with a tendency to hold onto the past
and placing blame elsewhere can prevent them
from moving forward in their life.
Number five, they're unhappy about their situation.
Are they extremely dissatisfied with the way things are
yet do nothing to change it?
People with a victim mentality often have an idea
of the life they want to be living
but find themselves unable to work towards the goal.
Sometimes they may even use this dissatisfaction
of their current life to make you take pity on them
so you'll help them.
Apart from hurting their own wellbeing,
this can be especially damaging to their relationships.
Number six, they don't trust you.
They become needy and clingy to those around them.
They may do so to get you to support them and their needs
so that they don't need to actually work
to improve their situation.
No advice may ever seem to suffice
and everything tends to stay at a standstill.
As a result you may end up feeling stuck along with them.
Since you don't see them getting better.
Number seven, they're draining to be around.
Do you feel like you're always supporting this other person
but nothing ever gets better or changes?
It can be tiresome when someone is in a constant
state of negativity and is hungry for compassion.
It's possible to feel that you're getting
absorbed into their world.
They may become so dependent on you and others
to the point that excessive neediness
takes a toll on your energy level.
Number eight, they're passive.
Do they not take action even when it's absolutely necessary?
They may let people take advantage of them
in a work setting, such as by refusing to speak up
as they don't know how to stand up for themselves.
They may internalize these events and lash out at others.
These encounters may cause them to feel weak and powerless.
Number nine, they're insecure and unstable.
Do they have low self confidence or self esteem?
This may come from constantly comparing themselves to others
and believing that there is no way to change themselves.
They may even sabotage themselves and their relationships
as assurance that nothing will improve.
It may be a sign when they always seem to be
in some sort of distress.
And when the relationships never seem to last long.
And number 10, they attract drama.
Do they attract drama wherever they go?
Is it usually one sided?
No matter what it seems like
there's always someone out there mistreating them.
They may quarrel with others
over seemingly small things all the time
and say that the other person was completely in the wrong.
this refusal to accept any responsibility of any wrongdoing
even in the face of evidence, may be a sign
that they're purposefully trying to play the victim.
Do you relate to any of the signs mentioned here?
I have to admit I do.
Tell us about it in the comments below.
If you found this video helpful,
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All the references used are added
in the description box below.
Thanks for watching.
And we'll see you in the next video.