If you find yourself in a lot of pain, when it seems like your ex has moved on,
then we're going to be getting into that in this video. And we're going to be giving you
some things that you can do some things to think about and some things to focus on in your life
to help you feel better and to open yourself up for the great loving relationship that you want.
Hey, there
it's clay with modernlove.life. And, um, you know, I work with a lot of people who are going through
breakups and it's very common for people to have a lot of pain and emotion and just a normal human
experience as the result of what they're going through. And it can be even more intense or
painful if it seems like your ex or your partner is moving on, they are, you know, they've gone
through the breakup with you and maybe for a while, it seemed like they were confused in pain,
hurting, unsure, all that sort of stuff. Maybe, maybe as you might have been, it might seem like
that chapter's coming to an end and maybe they're starting to move on. And I don't know exactly
what that means for you, cuz moving on can mean something different for different types of people.
Some for some people it could mean, okay, they are not as emotionally charged as they once were. You
know, whereas when, before they used to think about the breakup or something like that, they
might have cried or had a lot of intense feelings. Maybe now they're starting to find peace and
acceptance with that and move forward or for other people. The second one is, is what describes what,
what most people mean when they say my ex has moved on is that they have physically entered
into a new relationship and that they are on, you know, Tinder or some dating platform and actively
trying to find a new partner. Right. And so I want to, to talk about all of this now, first of all,
um, whatever you're feeling, whatever you're experiencing is, is totally fine.
It's normal, it's natural. It's a, it's a human experience, right? You don't have to make yourself
feel bad about it. I know that there are a lot of people who, who might try to make you feel,
feel bad about it, you know, oh, Hey, uh, why haven't you moved on yet? You just need to date,
you know, 10 people and then you'll forget about them. You just need to, you know, go online or
something like that. But, um, if that's just not where you're at, then I want you to, to feel okay
knowing that that what you're going through is perfectly normal, breakups, a very emotionally
intense thing in our lives. There was some sort of survey or report or something that I saw
a few years back that, that broke down the, the, the most stressful events that
a regular person is probably going to experience at some point in their lives.
So, I mean, you know, so like excluding things like living through a war or something like that,
but you know, more like the loss of your parent or being diagnosed with a,
a serious disease like cancer or something and of course, you know, uh, the breakup of a,
a significant relationship or a marriage was definitely up there on the list. I think it
was up there around like slot three or four or something like that. But it was, it was pretty
high up there over, you know, things like, Hey, um, my spouse died or something like that, but,
you know, yeah, I don't want you to, to minimize the feelings that you're going through because
they, they may be very intense and that that's totally normal. Our relationships
are what many of us base the foundation of our lives on, you know, it's like, yeah, here I am.
Uh, clay, I'm, I'm a married guy. You know, I have a wife. And if for whatever reason
that fell apart, I would of course have some big emotional experiences as the result of
that as I'm sure, probably, um, you know, you might be having as the result of your
breakup right now. And of course you're probably also having an equally challenging experience,
seeing your partner seemingly care, less and less about the, the connection that you had
and the relationship that you had, especially if there's a part of you that wants to work things
out or even get back together. Right. It can feel like, you know, you're at this train station and,
um, you're standing on the platform and the train is, is just starting to pull
away from the platform and you're not on it. And you and you, and you have to rush,
you have to hurry up to try and catch that train before it, before it leaves the station.
And it just keeps getting farther and farther ahead of you because you know,
of course it's a train and you're a person and you can't ever hope to run as fast as,
as a train once it's going at full speed. Right. So, um, I get it, I understand it.
And I also want to make a little bit of a distinction here, because again, there is a little
bit of ambiguity when people say, Hey, my X is moving on. If your ex is just dating someone else,
if they're in a physical relationship, or if they're putting up a profile on a dating site
or something like that, you don't necessarily want to jump to the conclusion that they're absolutely
moving on because what people do and how they feel is, is not always the same. I mean, of course we
have the whole concept of a rebound relationship, which of course is incredibly common these days.
And it's just a hallmark of where a lot of people are at with how they deal with their emotions. You
know, we have an entire video playlist on rebound relationships. You can, you can check it out right
up there if you want to but there's a whole lot of interesting psychological things that tend to go
on with people in rebound relationships, um, that definitely signify that they are not over their ex
or over their previous relationship. So just know that just because your ex might be going through
the motions of dating someone else or going out on dates or being in a relationship with someone, or
even even getting engaged to someone, if you know my story, you know, that, that's what,
uh, what my big ex did, uh, two weeks after we broke up. Yeah, crazy. Right. That kind of,
you know, that's like, that's like, you know, uh, soap, opera stuff that,
that happens to other people, not, uh, not low key mellow people like me, but no, it happened.
It happened. Um, we broke up, she got into a rebound relationship instantaneously.
They got engaged, uh, two weeks later and, um, obviously a rebound relationship and
obviously it had some problems down the road, but anyway, uh, I don't know the details cuz Hey,
you know, none of my business, but just because they're, they're doing things that someone would
do if they have moved on doesn't necessarily mean that they've moved on, especially if they haven't
processed their emotions in a, in an appropriate, healthy sort of way. Right. Obviously rebound
relationship. And you know, I've heard countless stories of people over the years whose partners
have gone to rebound relationships and, you know, they've been able to make that relationship work.
Of course there's challenges. Of course, there, there are gonna be obstacles like,
you know, eliminating that third party and, um, reconnecting and building the trust and all that.
But, you know, Hey, it's, it's definitely not outside the realm of possibility. And so just
know that appearances do not always equal reality, especially when it comes to things
like social media. I mean, my goodness, you know, people don't post their full self on social media,
at least most of us don't, they just post a sort of curated version of their life on social media.
Because as we all know, the way to win at social media is to get as many likes or followers or, or
hearts or whatever that you possibly can get. And the best way to do that is to post, um, you know,
your luxurious vacation or your new car, or, um, some, some peak highlight in life or something
like that. It's not to say don't share that. Um, but just know that that's what you're looking at
when you're looking at social media, you're just looking at one side of someone's life.
You're not looking at the full picture. You're not looking at the hidden thoughts that they
think as they drift up to, to sleep. You're not li you're not looking at the,
the regret that they feel. You're not looking at their hidden yearnings that they're afraid to even
admit to themselves. You're just getting a very superficial, shallow, um, glimpse into their life.
And then, then, um, the other side of this is when your X is actually moving on,
by the way, before we get into that, though, if you do like this video,
it really helped me out a lot. If you'd hit that thumbs up button for the YouTube
algorithm and subscribe to this channel and hit that notification bell as well,
too, uh, that does help us out. I don't really get what the bell does, but it helps us out.
Also drop a comment down below too, letting me know you like this sort of stuff.
All of this stuff sends a message to the computers at YouTube that say, Hey, show
Clay's videos to more people. Anyway, with that being said, um, let's get back into it. The, the
other side of it is when your ex actually seems to be emotionally moving on. You know, they seem
to be less affected, by the connection that you had by your history by your relationship by the
things that maybe used to stir them up, like the pain of the breakup or this or that or whatever.
And this is not necessarily actually a bad thing. Oftentimes people are in this
situation where they, you know, maybe think that they don't want there's some birds over there,
or they think that they, uh, need to stop their, their ex from, from moving on after a breakup.
And you actually want your ex to move on. Why is that? Because now they're not stuck in this
emotionally reactive place when it comes to you and when it comes to, um, your connection with
one another and all of that, but instead they're actually able to interact with you in a full
conscious, intentional sort of way. So, you know, rather than trying to make you jealous,
rather than playing mind games with you, rather than playing harder to get,
rather than not texting you to see if you'll text them or whatever, um, they'll actually
be able to drop all of that because they've actually emotionally moved on and they can
interact with you in more of an intentional sort of way. And they can say, you know, Hey,
I'll admit it. I did a few things wrong, and this is what they are, or, Hey, I'll admit it.
We both messed up in a certain way or Hey, you know what, you're right. Uh, we do have
a lot of history and it would be a shame to just throw it all away. And the two of you
can actually have a real connection rather than just, again, mind games, jealousy, manipulation,
doing, you know, shady shenanigans, just to see if someone will react in a way that you want them to
et cetera. And so, you know, it's actually a good thing. Come on. If they move on,
it's actually a good thing for you, obviously, cuz you're in a better emotional place, but it's
also, um, a good thing for them because they're gonna be able to interact with you in a more,
uh, straightforward kind of way, rather than, you know, clouded by all the drama, the damage control
mode and everything else that, that so many of us do end up in, um, immediately after a breakup.
And so, you know, no matter what, if you do want to
pursue that connection, and if you do want to see what is possible,
the next thing for you to do is to learn what we'd call advanced relational skills. These are how you
actually can connect with someone better. And also how you can connect with yourself to start
to release some of that pain and hurt that you might be holding onto because when you're able
to put your attention back where it should be, um, rather than on all the stories that you might be
telling yourself about, Hey, they moved on, they didn't care, they never cared all that stuff.
Then you're actually gonna be able to heal a lot faster. And so what I'd like you to do next is
to check out this video series right over here on what we call advanced relational skills. Anyway,
once again, give this video a thumbs up. If you liked it, subscribe to the channel. I'd love to,
uh, have you on our subscription list anyway, take care. And I'll talk to you next time.