>> Greg: SENSE OF STYLE IS
ALWAYS ON POINT.
IT’S SOMETHING NO ONE HAS EVER
SAID ABOUT HIM.
IT’S TRUE HE MAKES HOBOS LOOK
LIKE SHARP DRESSED MEN.
GIVE A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR OUR FRIEND, COMEDIAN JIMMY JIMMY
OUR FRIEND, COMEDIAN JIMMY JIMMY
FAILLA.
>> YOU GUYS.
I LOVE NASHVILLE.
IT’S THE ONLY CITY WE CAN ANSWER
EVERY QUESTION WITH WHOO AND
EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT YOU’RE
TALKING ABOUT.
EXACTLY.
THIS IS A PARTY TOWN.
I WAS DRIVING HOME.
A COP STOPPED ME.
ARE YOU DRINKING ALCOHOL?
NO.
HERE YOU GO.
HANDED ME A SIX-PACK.
IT’S COOL TO BE HERE.
IT’S HARD TO BE A COMIC.
FOR US RIGHT NOW, PEOPLE ARE
TREATING JOKES LIKE HATE CRIMES.
EVERYBODY IS OBSESSED, THEY ARE
CHANGING THE LANGUAGE.
I’M FROM NEW YORK.
YOU CAN’T EVEN CALL A PERVERT A
PERVERT ANYMORE.
YOU HAVE TO CALL THEM
GOVERNOR CUOMO.
BUT I’M SAYING, AND I DON’T DO A
LOT OF POLITICS IN MY ACT.
THE ONLY ADVICE THAT I WOULD
GIVE YOU FROM EXPERIENCE, NEVER
BUY A USED CAR OFF
ELIZABETH WARREN.
I HAD A BUDDY IN MASSACHUSETTS,
SOLD HIM A RED JEEP CHEROKEE. TURNED OUT TO BE A WHITE
TURNED OUT TO BE A WHITE
SUBURBAN.
BUT I’M TELLING YOU.
I KNOW WE ARE TRYING TO BE A
NICER SOCIETY BUT A LOT OF THE
THINGS WE ARE DOING IN THE NAME
OF POLITICAL CORRECTNESS OR
HURTING US AS A PEOPLE.
A STUDY THAT 40% OF ELEMENTARY
SCHOOL KIDS ARE OBESE THEY ARE
NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT
BECAUSE THEY DON’T KNOW THEIR
OBS.
THEY DON’T KNOW.
THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU
ELIMINATE BULLIES.
BACK IN THE DAY, EVERY ONE OF
THOSE FAT KIDS WOULD’VE KNOWN
THEY WERE FAT.
THEY WOULD’VE WENT ON A
HIGH-PROTEIN DIET AND TURN THEIR
LIVES AROUND BUT NO, NOW WE HAVE
A NATION OF 7-YEAR-OLD MAN BOOBS
BOOBS.
FOR REAL.
I WAS THE BENEFICIARY.
I WAS FAT AS A KID, WEIGHED
300 POUNDS.
I DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE
I KNEW I WAS FAT.
THE MINUTE I GOT OUT OF THE CAR,
YOU FAT SLOB.
HOW MUCH DID YOU EAT TODAY, YOU
DISGUSTING ANIMAL?
ALL RIGHT, MOM.
SEE YOU AT 3:00.
NOBODY TURNS IT AROUND ANYMORE.
THE ONLY UPSIDE TO THE FAT KIDS
IS KIDNAPPINGS ARE DOWN 94%.
YOU CAN’T GET THEM IN THE CAR.
IT’S A CRIME OF SPEED.
CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING A
KIDNAPPER?
KID, GET IN THE VAN.
KID: DOES IT CONTAIN PEANUTS?
ANY HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP IN
A MARS BAR?
IT SCARES ME BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE
WITH ALL OF THIS WOKE STUFF WE
ARE RAISING A FRAGILE GENERATION
OF PEOPLE AND THAT SCARES ME
BECAUSE AMERICA IS IN THE ASS
KICKING BUSINESS.
WE’LL HAVE A MILITARY IN 20
YEARS.
JUST CALL ME AN INFIDEL.
I AM NOT FIGHTING TODAY.
HATE HAS NO HOME ON THIS
BATTLEFIELD, MISTER.
I’M FROM UP NORTH.
PEOPLE LIKE TO MAKE FUN OF
SOUTHERN REDNECKS.
I THANK GOD FOR REDNECKS EVERY
DAY.
YOU GUYS.
YOU’RE THE ONLY ONES RAISING
TOUGH KIDS ANYMORE.
IF ISIS SHOWS UP TOMORROW,
YOU’RE NOT CALLING HUDSON,
HOPPER, ZANE.
YOUR CALLING BOBBI JO, BUBBA,
AND CLETUS.
THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE OUT ISIS
USING RIFLES THEY GOT FOR THEIR
TENTH BIRTHDAY.
THANK YOU.
THAT’S HOW IT’S GOING TO GO
DOWN.
THE REDNECK BABIES ARE GOING TO
TAKE ON ISIS AND THE HIPSTER
BABIES ARE GOING TO BATTLE THE
EVIL FORCES OF GLUTEN.
YOU’RE AMAZING.
I’M JIMMY FILA.
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.