- I've read a lot of self-help books.
Some of them great, some of them not so much.
Some I couldn't get through the first paragraph
and others had me hanging onto every last word.
Today, I wanna talk about those few books
that really made a difference.
These are nine self-help books that changed my life.
This video is brought to you by Squarespace.
More on them later.
All right, so I intentionally wanted to pick
a range of books that have helped me
with many different areas in my life.
So we're gonna be talking about business,
money, health, sex, that's right, we're going there.
But first I wanna start off with a lighter topic, death.
"No Death, No Fear" by Thich Nhat Hanh.
"No Death, No Fear" is a wake up call
to everyone who's been letting anxieties, fears and worries
control their life.
In the book, Thich Nhat Hanh explores death, impermanence,
and our never ending search for happiness
through the lens of his Buddhist teachings.
In the book, he writes, "There is no way to happiness.
Happiness is the way."
So I read this book in my final year of college
and it was really just an exciting period of my life.
I had all of these hopes and dreams
for what my life could become, and yet at the same time,
I couldn't help but feel absolutely terrified
about the future.
What if I never get a job?
What if I couldn't pay the bills?
What if I'm in debt until my 40s or 50s?
Thich Nhat Hanh's writing helped me
to see that happiness and contentment
couldn't be found on the other side of these questions.
Instead, they needed to be found in the present moment
by freeing myself of regret, fear, anxiety, and doubt.
"The Definitive Book of Body Language"
by Barbara and Allan Pease.
As Barbara and Allan Pease explain it in the book,
"Body Language is an outward reflection
of a person's emotional condition."
Your date might be patting your back during a hug
because they're uncomfortable.
Your client's feet might be turned towards the door
because they're hoping to get out of a conversation.
Your partner might have their arms crossed
because they're pissed at you,
but it's not as simple as just reading one gesture
and jumping to a conclusion about what someone's feeling.
As the authors explain,
"Body language is like any other language.
It's only when you put a word
into a sentence with other words
that you can fully understand its meaning."
So maybe your partner isn't actually pissed at you
and she's just cold because she left her jacket at home.
On second thought, she's probably pissed at you.
In the weeks after reading this book,
I couldn't help but be hyper aware of my own body language.
When I was nervous, I'd bite my nails.
When I was frustrated, I'd pace back and forth.
When I was angry, I'd furrow my eyebrows.
I may have been trying to hide my emotions,
but it turned out that I was saying a lot
without saying anything at all.
From high stakes pitches to first dates,
the things that I've learned about body language
have made a huge difference in my life.
"She Comes First" by Ian Kerner.
Yes, I read books about how to sex,
and no, there's nothing wrong with that.
In fact, I think the bigger problem
is that most guys are too proud or too full of themselves
to think they might actually need
a little bit of guidance when it comes to the bedroom.
And let me tell you, it's harder than it looks.
- That's what she said. (laughs)
- The advice in the title
is definitely something you should remember for life,
"She Comes First."
But apart from those three very helpful words,
the book also questions the idea
that sex requires intercourse. (bomb exploding)
Apparently it doesn't.
And when you focus on other areas, mainly oral sex,
you can have a deeper, more intimate relationship
with your partner.
What do you think of me reading books
about how to have better sex?
- Oh, I would highly recommend.
I think more guys should be reading books about better sex.
I think it's...
Look how coy you are,
you look so proud of yourself.
- I think probably one of the most important things
that we've done early on when it came to our sex life
is open communication.
- I was gonna say the same,
but I think you only felt good about doing that
because you had read books.
So you, like, you were coming in from an informed stance
that was like, I wanna learn about this.
Let's talk about it.
Like how did that feel for you?
Because at the end of the day,
we all have different preferences.
So to assume that everyone likes the same thing
is just like dead wrong. - Yeah.
- That struck me as you being very emotionally mature.
- And by the way, if you're looking to further your studies
about this topic, then you may be interested
in the book "Slow Sex" by Nicole Daedone.
It's another great book that helps us to rewire
and relearn many of the unhealthy views and habits
we have with sex, as well as providing a slower approach
that's often much more satisfying for all parties involved.
Okay, moving along.
"The Obstacle Is The Way" by Ryan Holiday.
Ryan Holiday is somebody that I deeply admire
for his ability to turn ancient wisdom
into tangible teachings for modern life.
"The Obstacle Is The Way" is a masterclass in stoicism,
the school of thought that's about cultivating virtue,
mastery and self-control to live a better life.
The central theme of this book
is that obstacles in life are inevitable.
You'll graduate with an insane amount of student debt.
You'll get turned down for your dream job.
You'll face literally hundreds of rejections
when you start dating.
All three of these things, by the way, happened to me.
But when you embrace these obstacles
and you realize that they're unavoidable,
you can start to develop a healthier relationship
with the problems that you face in your life.
Ryan writes, "The obstacle in the path becomes the path.
Never forget, within every obstacle
is an opportunity to improve our condition."
This book will completely change the way you think
about personal and professional challenges,
and it might even get you to stop whining so much.
All of us will thank you for it.
"Hope and Help for Your Nerves" by Dr. Claire Weekes.
So I actually first learned about this book
from a comment on one of my videos.
I had published a video
about my struggles with anxiety a few years ago.
And as I was reading through the comments,
which were amazing and just so supportive,
I stumbled across somebody recommending this book
from Dr. Claire Weekes.
I bought the book, I read it
and it had a significant impact
on my ability to cope with my anxieties.
In the book, Claire explores how you can use
gentle exposure therapy to build your tolerance
for stressful situations.
She writes, "Strength is not born from strength.
Strength can only be born from weakness.
So be glad of your weaknesses now,
they are the beginnings of your strength."
The biggest takeaway that I got from the book
was to learn how to float through my anxieties
rather than fighting the waves of your emotions.
This approach is really all about letting the anxiety
wash over you until it passes.
This book is an empowering, hope-filled read
for anyone who struggles with
or is supporting a loved one through anxiety.
If that's you,
you should definitely add it to your reading list.
"Awaken the Giant Within" by Tony Robbins.
I feel like with a title like that,
you just need to really bring the energy, you know?
Maybe not.
Tony Robbins, his book "Awaken the Giant Within"
was one of the first self-help books that I ever read
when I was living in my parents' basement
just after college.
Even though the book was a bit corny
and I felt a little bit embarrassed to read it,
it provided me with so many useful tools
and insights as I was trying my best to become an adult
and a professional filmmaker.
One of the key things I still remember from the book
is the power of decisions.
"You must know that in any moment a decision you make
can change the course of your life forever."
So many of us get paralyzed by choice.
We put off important decisions
because we don't wanna make the wrong one,
but we can only get better at decisions
by making lots of them.
And one of the best decisions that I ever made
was to forget about what everyone else would think of me
and read corny self-help books that might change my life.
Another great decision that I made nearly eight years ago
was to build my very first website with Squarespace.
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And thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring.
"I will Teach You to be Rich" by Ramit Sethi.
This is really a guidebook to building personal wealth.
It covers everything from earning, saving and budgeting,
to investing and automating your finances.
It doesn't give a prescriptive one-size-fits-all roadmap.
Instead, Ramit's approach very much overlaps
with my own minimalist philosophies.
He urges us to spend extravagantly
on the things that you love and cut costs mercilessly
on the things you don't.
Forget about what everyone on Instagram is saying
you absolutely need to have.
When it comes to how you spend your money,
it's so important for you to figure out what you want.
As Ramit says,
you need to identify what a rich life looks like to you.
And chances are it won't include flashy cars,
multiple houses and a walk-in wardrobe
that's bigger than my house.
The road to financial wealth isn't something that can happen
by the end of your 20s,
let alone by the time you read a 200-page book.
And that's why I think everyone should commit
to reading one personal finance book every single year.
And if you haven't read one this year, let this one be it.
"Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success
in a Distracted World," by Cal Newport.
"Deep Work" is an essential read for ambitious creators
looking to find more space for their meaningful work.
As Cal puts it, "The ability to perform deep work
is becoming increasingly rare.
At exactly the same time,
it is becoming increasingly valuable in our economy.
As a consequence, the few who cultivate this skill
and then make it the core of their working life
will thrive."
When we can methodically learn to shut off distractions
and wean ourselves off of our addiction to technology,
we can find our most productive moments.
"Deep Work" really helps you to integrate this thinking
into your life by setting up your environment
to be distraction free, and then also helping you
to create rituals that support your creative work.
So I put the lessons that I learned from this book
right into practice with the first two courses
that I ever made,
and it really allowed me to free up my time
and get more intentional about really making
two of the most in-depth and time-consuming projects
of my life.
The results allowed me to make a bigger impact
and also to have a better final product in the end.
I'm not sure how I would've done this
without the deliberate practice of "Deep Work."
"Man's Search for Meaning," by Viktor Frankl.
This book is a favorite to so many and for good reason.
Published by Holocaust survivor
and psychologist Viktor Frankl,
it was inspired by his experience
as a concentration camp prisoner during World War II.
He noticed that in these awful circumstances,
it wasn't necessarily the physically strongest who survived.
Instead, it was the people who had the strongest purpose.
And so those who were able to withstand extreme suffering
had some other reason, some bigger purpose to live,
rather than just getting by.
This led to Frankl's hypothesis that the search for meaning
is the biggest driver of human beings
and one that we can leverage
to get through even the most difficult times.
Viktor writes, "Everything can be taken from a man
but one thing, the last of the human freedoms.
To choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way."
It's an exploration of life, death
and everything in between.
And in my opinion, it's a must read
and one that I keep coming back to over and over again.
Before you go, do me one quick favor.
Head down into the comment section of this video
and let me know one book that changed your life.
As you know, one of the books I mentioned
in this video came from your recommendations,
so I was hoping I might be able
to add on to my reading list,
but I was also hoping we might be able
to give some inspiration to other subscribers as well.
And if you haven't yet subscribed,
make sure you click subscribe down below,
turn on notifications to get future videos.
That way you're not just waiting around
for the algorithm to serve you one of my videos.
Thanks so much for watching.
Hope to see you next time.
(gentle serene music)