Today, we're gonna take a few minutes
to talk online dating safety.
I want to hone in on the one overriding tip
that I found most important during my many, many years
trying out all the different dating apps out there.
If you want some more specific tips,
Katie has posted some great tips in our shorts lineup,
so be sure to check that out,
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(mellow hiphop music)
Online dating is what we're gonna focus on today.
And because I hope
that you're already practicing basic online safety,
like not sharing your personal details,
obviously not giving away any bank,
address, or financial information,
we're not really gonna go into those things today.
But if you do want advice
on just basic online safety practices,
we have many complete guides on SafeWise.com
and you can get up to speed on all those things.
But for now, I want to focus on the part of online dating
when you start to transition
from those online interactions into real life.
And I think that you can get
through this dating labyrinth safely
if you make one guiding principle paramount,
and that is don't put yourself in a compromising situation.
It sounds easy, doesn't it?
But you know what's even easier?
Putting yourself in a compromising situation.
We get distracted,
we're worried about what we're gonna wear,
worried about our hair,
and those become our paramount thoughts in our mind
over making sure that we have a safe interaction.
Let me define what I mean
when I say "compromising situation."
I'm talking about any circumstance
that could lead to assault, stalking, identity theft,
and it may sound extreme,
but honestly, this is the stuff that we're worried about
when we're talking about meeting someone online
and then transitioning that even into real life.
First of all, you should meet in a neutral public place,
not your regular hangout.
Keep all of your favorite spots,
the neighborhood where you live,
the stores that you like to frequent,
even maybe your favorite park, keep those to yourself.
You don't want this person a bumping into you later,
especially if they're a dud or a creep.
I also recommend starting with coffee or lunch.
It's shorter.
It's more contained.
It's in the middle of the day or the morning.
There's just less opportunity for it to go sideways.
I used to make plans to meet a friend or family member
after my date so that I couldn't stay.
I had a really good excuse.
I had an end time.
I had a clear out,
whether it was good or bad.
And that's okay, 'cause even if it's going well,
it's alright to leave some more for the next meeting.
And so this is something that gives you extra safety
and gives you an out that's easy.
Now, at the very least, if you don't feel comfortable
or it's just impractical
for you to make a plan afterwards,
at least let someone in your life know what those plans are:
the where, the who, the when, etc.,
so that they know who you're meeting,
when you're meeting them, where you're going,
how long you're supposed to be there.
And this is just smart.
This way they can follow up with you.
And if you use a location-tracking app (I love them),
I recommend go ahead and use that as well,
and that way they can see
that you are where you're supposed to be.
And if something does go awry,
it's going to be a lot faster to notice
that you're not where you're supposed to be
and to call in for help.
And a cool thing
about most location-tracking apps, like FindMy,
is you don't have to share your location indefinitely.
I can share my location with my friend for an hour,
for a day, or I could just go in there at any time
and stop sharing my location.
So it's not putting you under surveillance forever,
but it's really smart for this time
when you're going to meet someone you don't know
for the first time.
And finally, the probably most important thing
that you can do on top of planning intentionally
to be safe is to trust your gut.
You don't owe this date anything at all,
so if things feel off, bail.
But if something clearly inappropriate happens,
be sure to report it to the dating app
where you met the person.
That way they can flag or delete this user's account.
And, hopefully this isn't gonna happen,
but if you are assaulted in some way,
report it to the police immediately.
Know that most of the time,
it's not gonna go extremely badly.
(mellow hiphop music)
Even if your date isn't a love match that you're hoping for,
there's always the chance of another date
with someone better.
So next time you're getting ready
to schedule a little meetup after you've met someone online,
keep these things in mind.
Meet in a neutral public location
that isn't one of your favorite spots.
I recommend coffee or lunch to start with.
No drinks, no dinner.
Make a plan with someone afterwards
that you have a clear end time, or share your location
or at least the details of your date
with somebody that you trust,
and then trust your gut.
If things are cool, great.
If things feel off, bail. No biggie.
Keep these safety tips in mind
as you expand at your online dating repertoire
and get out there and date safely.
We'll see you next time.
(mellow hiphop music)