"How do I handle
an alcoholic spouse?" My name is Paul
Friedman, I founded The Marriage
Foundation
and I'd like to -- I can't tell you exactly
how to handle your spouse. You shouldn't
be
manipulative
anyway but I can't tell you, I can remind
you
that you married your spouse with the
intention
of fulfilling your desire
for unconditional love and to gain
happiness.
It is very difficult to have a happy
marriage
when your spouse is an alcoholic and
there's different kinds of alcoholics.
Hopefully, you've already looked into
Al-Anon
and you've done some research
about alcoholism and you understand
it better than you did before.
But remember what your vows were in
sickness and in health, and alcoholism is
a disease
and it's really -- it's not your fault. It's
not your
problem that your spouse is an alcoholic
but I can tell you that
anyone who is feeling love
is not looking to escape.
And so, it's very possible for you
not to cure them but to give them
something that they need
that they are not in touch with and that
is love
and there are many ways that you can do
that.
One of the big
biggest problems
that couples were one is
an alcoholic is that the non-alcoholic
has this attitude
of victim/superior
and that's got to go.
You have to see your spouse
past who they are in this incarnation if
you will.
Recognize that they are a soul
and that they are now burdened for
whatever reason
would ever trip them up
know that that could have happened to
you too
or something just as bad or worse.
And so, compassion is a very
important attribute for you to develop.
Anytime you're feeling critical replace
that thought. Anytime you're feeling
where you want to condemn them
for the path that they chose and they
did
they have free will. They didn't just
fall into a hole but they chose it out
of weakness,
Get rid of the condemnation. Get rid of
those thoughts of judgment
and love your spouse. You're not
the one who's going to fix them. You
cannot.
There's nothing you can do. If they're a
danger
to your family then you have to take
practical steps
and in stages or all at once
remove them from the family so that they
don't create
too much destruction
but you still love them.
Outer circumstances are not
what causes us to love somebody.
It's an inner decision -- it's a free will
decision
that is a very noble decision. And if
that decision is tested
as yours is, you rise to that challenge
so a lot of people mix things up. They go
but he or she treats me this way and
does this and does that
and, how could I love them? Well, you have
to separate
the material from the spiritual.
Love is a very spiritual thing and you
still have to operate
in a practical way as well.
I hope this was useful for you. You can
learn more about marriage, subscribing to
my channel
and you can like this
or you can call me an idiot in the
comment section if
you'd like. Hopefully
not, hopefully you'll gain from this.
Blessings to you! Prayers for you
and your family and
God bless all of you!
Take care!