(soft piano music)
- Hi, my name is Matt Fischer.
I'm 52, currently married with three children.
I was adopted at age seven from South Korea.
Adopted by white parents in a small town in Michigan.
What I know about my adoption is that
I had, my mother had to keep me for a year,
and then apparently couldn't care for me
for whatever reason, I don't know.
I tried to ascribe the best reasons for that,
and she dropped me off at some road near a police station,
and some passerby heard me crying,
and took me to the police station.
And from the police station I went to a hospital,
and then from the hospital to an orphanage,
and I stayed there until I was seven.
I remember landing at the airport and seeing the Fischers
for the first time with their daughter.
They had a daughter who was, I believe eight at the time,
and I was seven, that was her biological daughter.
And they had a Korean daughter who they had adopted
two years earlier who was about three.
And I remember seeing them and being, you know, like,
"I wonder who they are," and that's the only real memory
of my trip, and coming to America.
I never felt like I belonged,
and part of that was because I looked different.
And I would get teased in elementary school.
You know, they'd call me Jap, or Chink, or Flat Face.
They always make fun of my face,
I never really understood why.
And they would call me, you know, Flat Face Fischer.
All these kind of things that thankfully for some reason
it never really bothered me.
You know, just let it go.
Part of it was because I was successful in school,
and the teachers liked me.
I think kids need something to add their self esteem,
and my self esteem was that I was doing well in school.
And I learned English pretty quickly.
I do remember going through speech therapy.
They wanted me to lose my accent.
You know, nowadays they probably wouldn't do that.
But I never felt like I really belonged,
and there was favoritism toward the other two children,
and not toward me.
I did most of the chores.
I used to say I was like Cinderfella, you know?
So, it did bother me, but again, like I said,
I just hung my hat on being academically successful.
They would say things like, "If you don't do this
"or don't do that, we're just gonna send you back."
You know.
And I've heard a lot of people have said that,
have heard that from their parents.
I'm trying to make sure I don't impugn them too much,
but I think they were jealous of my academic success.
And they actually prevented me from reading.
They would take a lot of books away,
and say, "You're not allowed to read."
So I had to sneak books at night to read under the covers,
and then I would--
I was a voracious reader.
I just love reading everything,
and it got to the point where I was just reading
the cereal boxes, the ingredients on the milk cartons,
anything, and then they finally removed those
from the table.
And I was in honors classes, and they pulled me out,
and so there was a lot of--
They didn't want me to be successful academically.
So you know, part of the whole plan that I believe
was as a result of that, they transferred me
to a different school, because I went to a private school.
A private Christian school 'cause then they wouldn't be
under the auspices of what the public school wanted.
I think the public school was ready to do something
to them and say, "Look, why're you doing this
"with your child?"
And so they transferred me to a private school,
and you know, it was a small private school.
It was a wonderful school.
Only a hundred kids per class.
A small Christian school.
And they didn't have all the things
that a public school could offer.
For example, my senior year of high school,
I had to take the same math class over,
because they didn't have another math class for me.
Between my junior and senior year of high school,
I had already turned 18,
because I was older when I came in,
and they kicked me out.
So they just said, "We don't want you here anymore.
"You're 18, we don't have to take care of you anymore."
And it all, believe it or not, stemmed from an argument
I believe about filling out applications for college,
'cause they refused to turn over the financial information
so that I could get financial aid.
And for some reason that's the one thing I remember
as being the impetus.
I was working McDonald's at the time,
and ended up staying with one of the McDonald's co-workers
in his basement for a couple of weeks,
'cause I had no place to go.
And they kept my naturalization certificate,
and I couldn't pay for school.
I wasn't actually in school for about a week,
I'd have to look back at some of the records,
they probably have that.
I did have a car that my grandmother gave to me,
and so I did drive there, to school,
and say I couldn't go to school 'cause I don't have any way
to pay for it, 'cause my parents had kicked me out.
And they said, "That's okay, just come to school,
"we'll figure something out."
And so I came to school, and there was a classmate
of mine, his name was Matt, ironically.
And he had asked his parents,
he knew what my situation was,
and he asked his parents if I could stay with them
during the school year, so I'd have a place to stay.
And they said yes, and I've stayed with them ever since.
So here I am, 52 years old,
and I've known that family for 34 years,
whereas I've known the adopted family for 11 years.
So this new family, even though I was never legally adopted,
has been my family for the past 34 years,
and my kids only know them as their grandparents.
They don't know anything about the Fischers at all,
and so the new family took me in.
They've been amazing people.
Their last name are the Denno's,
so Bill and Sally Denno. In fact, my middle son,
his middle name is Denno.
And my new daughter, her middle name is Grace,
because my mom's Sally Denno,
her name is Sally Grace Denno.
So we're trying to honor that family.
So people ask me why do I keep the name Fischer?
And I seriously thought about changing my name
back to my Korean name, okay, with is Cho Suk Kim,
according to my adoption papers.
But during this whole process,
my grandmother Fischer was always very supportive of me.
The adopted parents refused to let me stay with her.
She would've taken me in a heartbeat.
But they said that if she took me in,
they would disown her,
and they were the only children of her.
So she didn't want that, of course.
And so, but even when I was living with the Denno's,
I would still go over to her house.
She would cook me dinner.
We'd play cards.
And when she passed away, she left me money
to go finish school, part of med school,
big part of my wedding.
So I kept my name in honor of her,
and will always do that.
I've never had contact with the Fischers,
the adopted parents, since I left,
and I've never had contact with
their older biological daughter.
But the younger daughter, in fact I got her attached
to MIKA, which is the Michigan Korean adoptee association.
Now in retrospect, I think that it was the best thing
that ever happened to me,
but at the time I felt abandoned.
I was scared, I didn't know what was gonna happen
in my life, I felt bad for my grandmother.
I have to say I wasn't necessarily missing them.
I felt out of place because once I moved in
with the Denno's, I felt like I was a burden to them.
Matt, who was their biological son,
interestingly in the same grade as I was.
Talk about a dichotomy, he was the golden boy at the school.
Varsity basketball, varsity soccer,
student council president, homecoming court.
But the nicest guy, you know, the guy who knew nothing
about me, and said, "Here's somebody who needs some help."
And he asked his parents.
You know, I called them Mr. and Mrs. Denno for a long time,
but they were just so kind and nice, and...
But being a Christian school, you know,
my brother Matt, who was not technically my brother,
but said to my parents, "What would a Christian do?
"What would Jesus do?
"Take somebody in."
And so I came in and I thought this was gonna be
a temporary situation,
that once I got to college, that'd be the end of it,
and I would just be on my own and live my life on my own.
But it turns out that back in those days,
and I wanted to go to University of Michigan,
and study engineering.
Back in those days, they wouldn't even take your application
without financial aid information.
So I went to a small community college.
My grandmother - actually it wasn't a community college,
it was a state college - but as my hometown,
my grandmother happened to be on the school board there.
And so I went to school there for two years,
and I worked so I could file my own taxes for two years,
and I could apply independently.
I was very fortunate to get accepted in Michigan,
in chemical engineering.
My first year there, I met my--
Met this girl, who is now my wife,
and she--
You know, I was actually floundering in school.
I don't know why.
I think it was this freedom
and this sense of living my own life, and...
I meet this Indian girl in biology class,
and I say, "Hey, you wanna go out?"
And she said no several times,
but that was the only one that I actually persisted.
You know, I wasn't this creepy, stalking her,
'cause I would go to class, I would flag her down,
and she would sit with me,
so obviously it wasn't something that was terrible.
And we ended up dating, and she says,
"You know, you really should study."
And she said, "I'm going to go to the library.
"I'll be there every day,"
because she wanted to be a doctor.
That was her dream since she was seven years old.
And she said, "The only time you're gonna see me,
"if you wanna see me, will be in the library."
So I had to go to the library and see her,
and surprisingly, going to the library and studying,
my grades went up.
And as a result of her, I got into med school.
We got accepted to the same med school in April,
graduated in May, and got married in July,
started med school in August.
People say, "Wow, Matt, you did amazing!"
I'm saying, "No, you know what,
"I have so many people that helped me along the way."
I never feel like it was by my own bootstraps,
you know, like people who do well sometimes
because they have a lot of help.
So I don't have that sense of,
"There's something special about me that I did this."
I had a lot of help, so I am appreciative of that.
The Dennos just provided so much support and care,
and love, really.
They have accepted me.
They tell their family they have three sons.
I mean, it's like they took us on vacation
and then they took me and my whole family, you know?
Along with their two children and their families.
They included us as part of that.
My name is Matt Fischer,
and this is my Korean American story.
(piano music)