'Look out.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
#On ly a few hours ago her body was stolen.'
We’re looking at The Atomic Brain or Monstrosity.
A typical mad scientist B movie with typical voiceover.
‘The watchman’s mind was not on bodysnatchers, just his usual nip.’
I can’t sit through a movie unless I know what the watchman’s mind is on.
When he’s not stealing the bodies of beautiful girls, Dr Frank is doing brain transplants.
‘This is one of the Drs mistakes, a monstrosity; an animal brain grafted to a human body.’
The doctor also did some light dental work.
Frank is doing these experiments for the wealthy Mrs March.
Played by Marjorie Eaton, best known for playing Emperor Palpatine in the Empire Strikes Back.
'There is a great disturbance in the force.'
Seriously.
‘The doctor transferred the brain of a live dog into a dead human body.’
It rattles a bit what do you expect?
But what if the police find out?
‘As for the police, if they come here, I hit this switch, a nuclear reaction is set off.’
And we all die.
Mrs March wants her brain put into a young body,
but she doesn’t want just anybody.
#xylophone sounds#
If your backside isn’t scored by xylophone then Mrs March is not interested.
‘’ow far is it to ‘ollywood from ‘ere?’
What the hell was that?
‘I’m from England.’ ‘No.’
Earning the Dik Van Dyke award for authenticity in cockney accents.
'Who do you think you are pinching me.'
Believing that they’ve been hired as domestics, Nyna, Bea and Anita are taken to Mrs March’s mansion.
‘Fresh, live young bodies.’
The narrator is a little out of hand.
The girls are driven by Mrs March’s ‘companion’, Victor, who is quite looking forward to her having the operation,
‘Making love to an 80 year old woman in the body of a 20 year old girl is insanity.’
But what the hell, I’ll give it a shot.
Back at the house Mrs March meets the girls, accompanied by the ghost in the mirror that haunts this room.
Or possibly just one of the crew.
Mrs March picks her favourite girl.
‘Stand up my dear’
‘I’ve got the same measurements as Marilyn Monroe.’
The body’s great but can you fix her accent?
'Maybe you would like some company. Someone like me.'
While Anita is deemed unworthy.
'Hideous, she's usless.'
Brain transplants are one thing but covering a birthmark is just science fiction.
Speaking of, Dr Frank has his own use for Anita’s body.
‘She thinks she’s a cat.’
He puts a cat’s brain in it.
I don’t know what happened to her brain, possibly they gave it to dog boy outside.
Now Anita acts just like a cat.
#Meow Meow#
‘She ate it.’
Is she housetrained?
Bea and Nyna decide to get out, but can they get past Mrs March?
‘Let’s wait a while to make sure we won’t run into her.’
Yeah cos if you bumped into her how would you possibly get away?
The woman’s got the legs of greyhound,
I don’t think this is quite as thrilling as they thought.
But now Frank’s harmless experiment backfires when beautiful Bea bumps into Anita,
'What are you doing up there?'
'Anita listen to me.... Arrrrgh'
Leaving Bea no longer suitable for Mrs March.
‘Astonishingly complex isn’t it? The human eye.’
Makes me wish I went to medical school.
Fortunately Nyna is still available and the narrator certainly approves.
‘So firm , so nicely rounded in places men like.’
Seriously mate, reel it in, you’re coming across as creepy.
Victor is also happy until he learns that once Mrs March is young and beautiful,
his ‘services’ will no longer be required.
‘What an old spoilsport I am.’
and when he plots to escape with Nyna...
And so to the transplant.
‘I’ve never known what it was like to be loved.’
Somewhere between kidnap, stabbing and tampering in God’s domain love passed me by,
but it’ll be different when I have youth, a pretty face, and incredibly pointy boobs.
But Dr Frank realises that after the operation, his funding will suddenly be cut,
‘Mrs March no longer has a thing to say.’
and in case that wasn’t clear the narrator is there to underline things.
‘Mrs March’s brain winding up in the body of a cat.’
It was a bit of a squeeze but with some butter and a shoe horn he managed it.
But, even as a cat, Mrs March stikes back.
For the record, I think this is what all cats would do if they had nuclear capability.
And at the end she pursues the escaping Nyna.
Looks silly but it’s no sillier than anything else that happens in the film.
'Shut up.'
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What are the best and worst bodyswap horrors, let us know in the comments below.
'I'll be waiting.'